GRADUATION: THE END OF ILLUSIONS

by Paul Norman Tuttle

Author’s Note

The word “author,” as you will find, is a misnomer, since this book is a channeled work.  But being the one with the mouth, the voice, the fingers to type the material, and the willingness to do it, it has fallen to me to give you some background.

In February of 1982, with no prior knowledge of channeling or of spiritual guides, but with a crisis on my hands, I reached out for help in meditation/prayer.  The result, after two weeks of earnest listening, was the surprising experience of “hearing” words from someone who identified himself as Rajpur, my Guide.  These early conversations became the book, You Are The Answer, published in 1985.

In November of 1982 a friend handed me a copy of A Course In Miracles to see what I thought of it.  After browsing through it, I asked Raj who wrote it—meaning, should I accept the premise of the statements of the Course that the author was Jesus.  His answer was, “I did.”  It was in this way that Raj disclosed his real identity, later stating that if he had told me who he really was at the time of our first conversation, we would never have had a second conversation.  I continue to call him Raj because it helps me be real with him, having discovered that my concepts and beliefs about Jesus are absolute impediments to relating genuinely.  He has not objected.

During the years between then and now, my life has changed drastically.  In February of 1983, at Raj’s direction, we began doing private conversations with Raj, which became my full-time “work.”  This led to the publication of a newsletter, Conversations with Raj, and in August of 1985 we began doing public workshops—a total of forty-two so far.

My wife, Susan, and my son, Chris, have played a great part in the work—both of whom you will find mentioned in this book—and I take this opportunity to publicly express my gratitude to them both.

Obviously my experience with Raj and what he has been teaching me is totally subjective, but I will say this: I have found over the past nine years that it would be impossible for me to Awaken alone.  It therefore seems utterly reasonable to me that a book dealing with actual engagement in Awakening would not be a treatise on or exposition of principles, but rather an expression of relationship—a holy relationship, if you will—with all of its dynamics present.

I do not pretend to have gone “all the way” yet, but I can guarantee you that I am not going back.

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Foreword

This book will perhaps be the most difficult book you have ever read because it squarely calls the ego into question and gives you direction and encouragement regarding the only way to release it.  It is not designed to be difficult.  In fact, you will find the reading easy, palatable.  The words will not be difficult to understand, but the movement they will create in you will.
This book will require you to move beyond understanding and dare to live from there!  It brings the principles of A Course In Miracles into bold relief, whether you are a Course student or not.  It brings the principles of Christian Science into bold relief, whether you are a student or not.  It brings the principles of Life into bold relief, whether you are avoiding It or not.  It addresses you in terms of your divinity and says, wake up!  And it addresses you in the language of your humanity so that you might comprehend it.

I have stated that there are five major books of the modern world which address the divinity of man and facilitate his realization of Reality—his Awakening.  The first is Science and Health by Mary Baker Eddy.  The second is The Urantia Book.  The third is A Course In Miracles.  The fourth is Graduation: The End of Illusions, and the fifth is yet to appear.

I make this statement in order to save you time, and not as a claim to greatness.  In all ways this book embodies the nature and character of the last stages of Awakening.  Whether you find it applicable to you or not, the time will come when its truth will be confirming of your own unexplainable experiences of Awakening, allowing you thereby to move with less distraction into your primitive (original) Sanity—the Conscious experience of Creation as God is being It.  It is my gift to you, and Your gift to yourself.

Enjoy!

Rajpur
Princeville, Hawaii
June 29, 1991

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Graduation

January 4, 1991 — Friday

Raj: There is much for us to talk about, and I am going to instruct you to take time, for the time being, to speak with me daily. And nothing is to interfere with this.  That is not a command.  It is, rather, a means of setting the tone.  In other words, there truly is nothing else more important which takes precedence over our having this time together regularly.  I say this so that you will not see this time we take as interfering with other important things, and also so that you do not feel that you are slighting something that you feel is more important.  I say it so that you might allow yourself to be perfectly at peace in devoting yourself to your Self.

This series of conversations will be called Graduation.

Although Susan is listening, this material, until I say otherwise, is not to be shared with anyone.  And, whether or not all of these conversations occur in your presence, Susan, you always have permission to listen to them.

Now, whatever excitement or trepidation might be being felt is, of course, not being felt by you, but by the ego—the fantasy sidekicks which both of you and everyone else who is not Awake thinks they companion with.  In fact, they think that they are the fantasy partner.  The excitement comes from the sense that what is going to be heard is foreign—therefore, perhaps threatening.  And I am saying “threatening” with a certain sense of thrill, because the ego likes a little bit of threat.  It provides the motivation for challenge.  And it is all bull-shit!

Graduation.  What could one possibly graduate into?  Well, isn’t graduation the process of releasing education—an educational process, a learning process?  Indeed, the movement into an ego sense of Self is like starting school, and graduation is what happens when you abandon the ego sense and all of the interesting dynamics of becoming educated.  In effect, it is truly a moving back into the elemental and fundamental natural perfection of one’s Being, which I will say constitutes a complete invalidation of everything which was ever learned in the educational process.  Therefore, necessarily, graduation means forsaking the value which has been placed upon the learning.

One does not, however, graduate by virtue of invalidating the learning, but rather by virtue of having arrived at a point of valuing essential, primitive, or shall I say original Being, and finding It to be more important and meaningful than the educational process and the sense of identity which that educational process has seemed to create.  Therefore, one graduates by virtue of caring more about something beyond education, and the invalidating of the learning will occur because there is something more meaningful present, not because a conscientious effort is made to invalidate it.

Graduation is the shift from thinking to Being.

Now, this truly is not something foreign or unknowable or incomprehensible to either one of you, because to the degree that either of you have been Listening and Hearing, you have been getting experience at being out from Mind.  You have learned that in abandoning thinking, you have continued to be conscious and have connected with, as you might put it, an experience of Knowing which you have identified as Guidance.

Although I am well aware that both of you are present and listening, and although I know that all of this will have meaning for you, Susan, I am specifically addressing Paul’s graduation.  I say this because it is necessary for Paul to listen to me and not be distracted by what meaning it may be having for you, or how you might be reacting.  Of course, as he is grasping the meaning of what I am saying to him, that aspect of him which would be considering your responses will fade out of the picture.  But I need to insure that Paul is listening with no belief that what it sounds like to somebody else is of any consequence.  It is how it sounds to him, and how that sound specifically triggers and promotes his inner movement.  And so I embrace you by letting you know where the focus is, here.

Now, Paul, as I indicated a little bit earlier today, all of the elements necessary for you to make the shift have already been brought into play over the past nine years.  When you have been Listening and Hearing, what you have “heard” is the experience of Knowing.  This has not been a gift from me to you, because I am not present as a separated presence to give you anything.  It is time for you to understand clearly that you, as some inconsequential little twirp, have not been the recipient of a beneficent gift which therefore has had nothing to do with you.  Rather, it has been a direct experience of your Self.

As I have said, this “sidekick,” this imaginary partner, called “Bumbling Paul,” is losing strength.  Its seeming actuality is fading.  Because of this there is a more strenuous effort arising to find out where you fit in, and who you are.  As I also said, you cannot afford to pursue that quest…ion.  You have been in the picture all along.

The thinking which the fantasy partner or false sense of self has engaged in will be replaced with the Knowing which has been constituted of the direct experience of your Self.  When it has seemed as though you were talking with me and drawing upon the infinite Knowing, you have been connected to You, and it has constituted the substance of You, even though as long as you were identifying with the fantasy sense of yourself it has seemed as though you were not connected with yourself and who you were was becoming less and less significant.

Literally, graduation, here, is going to involve forsaking thinking, and Listening always.  When you feel inclined to think, stop, and desire to Know.

It is also important not to give too much attention to this apparent “questioner.”  The expression of desire to Know doesn’t truly postulate the presence of a questioner, and this is a very important point to understand.  The experience of the desire to Know is simply the means of giving permission to Know.  That is perhaps the most important statement, the most transformational statement of Truth, the most earth-shaking statement of Truth that could be made.

The whole false fantastic sense of self has arisen out of an attempt to understand who is asking the question.  Indeed, through an analysis of the questions, one could come to the conclusion that the questioner is fearful, jealous, confident, expectant.  But that is like trying to see something through a mirror around and corner which allows you to see something that you cannot otherwise see directly.  The sense of the questioner which is gathered from the nature of the questions is necessarily absolutely illusory.  This, now, is a new way to describe what has been called “The Fall”—the means by which one experiences ignorance of Reality.

The experience of a question is nothing more and nothing less than the giving permission for Knowing to be experienced.  It becomes quite obvious, then, that any attempt to understand the nature of the questioner by virtue of the questions constitutes a complete distraction from the real meaning of the question—which is a giving permission for Knowing—and thus Knowing is never arrived at.  The experience of one’s Self remains hidden.  The Fourth-dimensional Conscious experience of Being is swallowed up in a “mirror image” of something that doesn’t even exist.

Now, this graduation is constituted of a commitment to Reality and an abandonment of the illusory sense of self; a commitment to Knowing, which it now will be much easier for you to make since I am making it clear to you that you are not listening to something other than your Self, and therefore there is not a listener of dubious integrity.  The presence of the experience of Knowing is truly an experience of Self, and not of someone else who is Valuable.

Why, indeed, would you continue to make an investment of trust and commitment in something that is Real and thus apparently borrow some value which never truly becomes yours, and therefore leaves you in your illusory sense of incompetence and limitation?

In the past, when you have thought, reasoned, come to conclusions and expressed those conclusions, you have felt an authorship, an authority, a sense of integrity.  Indeed, that has constituted the addictive element.  That sense of authorship has been a source of pride, which has given substance to a feeling of self-confidence.  That becomes the bait. Indeed, that is what makes it almost impossible to find any value in the experience of Knowing, because in Knowing there is not that sense of authorship.  There is not that sense of being able to take credit for what is Known.  And I will tell you, that is because the Knowing is not an experience of something finite—an identifiable object.

Having no confinement, being unconfined, That which is Knowing has no personal sense of the authorship of the Knowing.  It takes a finite source of experience to feel an authorship which is different from the authorship of other finite sources.  Indeed, that sense of authorship contributes to the density of the sense of objective presence—which means finite presence.  So, there is not the addictive element in the experience of Knowing which there is in the experience of thinking, reasoning, coming to conclusions, and then expressing them.

Now, the nature of addiction is that the addictive substance provides a thrill, a sense of utter well being which is not gained in any other way than through the use of that substance or element.  So, in graduation, and the commitment to Knowing, it does indeed feel as though one is giving up that which is utterly meaningful—a sense of worth and meaning which is acquired through personal authorship.

The process of thinking, reasoning, and coming to conclusions—which is another way of saying “making judgments”—will be replaced by Knowing.  And the actions and words which followed the thinking, reasoning, and judgment will be replaced by expressing the Knowing as you are Knowing it—not as you have heard it and repeated it at a later time.
Yes, it may seem as though you are channeling all the time.  That is a way of conceptualizing it which is, for all intents and purposes, accurate.  But really, what has channeling meant?  That you were expressing what you were not personally responsible for.  That you were not being a calculated controlled presence.  And, indeed, what I have been telling you so far is: That is the real You being you, and the thinking, calculating, judging sense of Paul which you have thought was you has been an imaginary sidekick which, in the final analysis constitutes excess baggage of nonsense.  You have had enough experience now, in the last nine years, to be able to hear that and understand that it is completely true and nonthreatening—not dangerous.

You see, you are still listening to me, aren’t you?  You are still conceptualizing what is happening as though you are listening to me, and you are eager.  This is wonderful, because it simply means that full permission is being given.  But, I will remind you that it is your Self which you are listening to, and it is an experience of Integrity.  It is an experience of You, and truly not something separate from you, because I am not a person.  I am the Voice for Truth.  And there are not many voices for Truth, there is just the Voice for Truth.  And you are the Voice for Truth—the utterly same Voice for Truth.

When you listen to me, you listen to You.  And when you listen to You, you listen to me.  But what you must come to embrace and embody as your conscious awareness is the fact that it is You; that every word which is being experienced at this moment is You in the act of being Who You truly Are.  Where is the imaginary sidekick, Bumbling Paul, at this moment?  Nowhere!  Never was anywhere.

So, conceptually speaking, you could say that you will either be talking with me/Yourself or opening your mouth and saying what me/Yourself is being the Knowing of.  You are at a point where you truly can release the idea that an experience or sense of authorship will accompany true Being, and just be the experience, the presence of It happening!

You will remember that in the beginning, I mentioned to you that we would come in through the back door.1   And, indeed, that is what we have done.  I have engaged you in being You while implying that you were doing something else, and in that way have allowed you to get the feel for it.  Whereas, if I had told you what you would be doing, and we confronted this sidekick of yours with its invalidity, there would have been such defensiveness and self-protection and self-substantiation that you would not have arrived at having the experience.

I point this out to you so that you might understand that this graduation is not really a movement into unfamiliar territory, but a shift of perception about what is already known.  A redefinition, as it were.  A slipping of the identification tag from the sidekick to the Real One.

___________________
1  February of 1982.  See You Are The Answer, p. 3

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January 5, 1991
Saturday

Raj:  Now, I want to take this a step further.

It is necessary for you not to argue against the possibility and accessibility of Guidance by assuming that certain conditions are not conducive to Listening and Hearing.  One of these, of course, relates to your body, as though if you have been engaged in activity or movement, you will need to necessarily sit down and become unconscious of it.  Indeed, you must rely heavily upon your experience of being centered and carrying on the activities of the Workshops.  You will realize that movement of the body occurs during a Workshop—not just the movement of your lips, as is occurring at this moment—and that movement of the body is not inconsistent with being centered.

Movement of the body is not, in itself, distracting to centeredness.  The necessity is to give permission unconditionally.  I will tell you that you can be jogging and still Hear.  To be physically active does not constitute a block to Hearing.  Physical activity can become part of the whole experience of centeredness and of Guidance, while not giving your focused attention to the movements, because in and of themselves they do not constitute appropriate “subject-matter,” if I can put it that way.  The body, and the movements of the body, exist for the sole purpose of giving visibility and tangibility—expression—to what you find yourself Knowing as a result of Listening.

Absolutely everything, all form, is simply the expression of the movement of Knowing, the movement of Self.  Abide with the Knowing, and be from the Knowing, and all form will identify Being, because there will be no misidentification of Self to cause a preoccupation with form.

I mention this because you must be very clear that in shifting from thinking to Knowing, you will not become unconscious of Self, and you will not become unconscious of body.  It is just that Self and Body will not be identified with body!

Again, it is just that Self and Body will not be identified with body.

The simple fact is that self-consciousness and body-consciousness become secondary, and ultimately nonexistent in the Act of Knowing.  And yet, consciousness, with full identity and identification will be experienced—another key point!

Now, it is important for you and I to speak regularly, as we are doing, because just as meditating reminds you of the experience of centeredness, our conversing reminds you of the nature of the experience of Knowing, which provides you with the clear perspective of the pleasure of It, the Integrity of It, the naturalness of It, and the fact that in the experience of It there is no loss of any experience of Self, including, as I said, identity and identification—what might be called mind and body.  The experience of It does not convey or substantiate the sidekick, the sidekick’s judgments, or the sidekick’s sense of separation.  You must be reminded of this because it helps to substantiate to you the desirability of not being fragmented, the desirability of not experiencing fear, the desirability of not being “bumbling,” the desirability of not experiencing incompetence, the desirability of releasing the sidekick.

It is only the experience of Integrity, which you have when you are Knowing, that will promote the willing release of any desire to shift back to ignorance, to shift back to fear.  You see, just because something is familiar does not mean it is actually desirable.  It may feel comfortable, but it does not feel fulfilling, because it does not embrace fulfillment.  It is not an experience of congruence or unity.  That which is familiar does not provide peace—the Peace of your Being.  And when you are feeling the Peace of your Being, as you are right now, it is obvious to you that the familiar does not include this experience.
Now, I encourage you to pay more attention when you are doing the private conversations, because when you are doing them, you are also experiencing this fulfillment, this congruence.  But you have not gleaned from it its full benefit because you have not been aware of the fact that it has been you standing as the Door, and as the Door, being the presence of the Voice for Truth which constitutes your real conscious experience of Being.  You have seen it as a pleasant side-effect, you might say, of something else2 which is Real that is going on, rather than the realness of You.
If you will pay attention, and if you will accept the fact that the experience of fulfillment you are having is an experience of congruence with your Self, you will realize that the integrity of it hasn’t been derived from me and not from you.  And because it constitutes a real experience of You, there is even less reason for you to release it at the end of the last conversation [of the day] as though now all there is left is you—meaning the sidekick.
[Chris entered the room to ask a question.]
Now, you have just had “an interruption” by Chris, but you chose not to interpret it as something at odds with our conversation.  You found that you were able to be present for him from your Center with relative ease, and as a result, the “interference” was very brief.  If, however, it had been treated as an interference, and if you had chosen to shift your attention from Centered attentiveness to external attentiveness, with a certain degree of botheration associated with it, the event would have been prolonged and Christopher would not have felt you had been present with and for him.  To be from your Center inevitably causes experience to be simple and clear and full.
It is absolutely correct that you are going to have to learn to be out from your Center with your eyes open.  At this point, I wish to make it very clear that in spite of your experience with the bio-feedback equipment—which seemed to make it obvious that visual experience is of such a stimulating nature that it interferes with one’s being able to come out from a theta or delta frequency—the key is where you are placing your attention.  The key is whether you are placing your attention at the threshold of Centeredness or at what I will call the “threshold of stimulation.”  Mind you, that “threshold of stimulation” only seems to have meaning relative to a body which, in itself, has the capacity to be sensitive, the capacity to be aware—something which the body does not have, simply because it is the visibility and the tangibility of the expression of Meaning which is being experienced as a result of Knowing.
So, do not open your eyes with trepidation because of your so-called experiential and electronic knowledge that visual stimuli constitute a real threat or distraction to Centeredness.  It is not true, any more than activity in the world such as happened when Chris came into the room—and even is happening at this very moment3—is distracting to and interferes with your ability to stand at and as the Door.  It only seems to when you think and come to the conclusion that it does, and then refrain from expressing the desire to Know which constitutes the giving of permission for the Knowing to occur.
Again, as I said, all of the essential elements are already under your belt as actual experience, with which you are completely at ease.  We are simply bringing these elements forward for you to see, so that this shift of emphasis from thinking to Knowing can occur without your being hooked by preconditioning and old ego habits.
You drink coffee all day long, and you smoke cigarettes right through your conversations.  That is movement.  It is activity—internal and external.  You do not interpret it as something which could interfere with your being Centered and Listening.  And yet those are activities which are not apart of the communication.  You scratch your head, you shift your position for comfort, and not as part of the communication.  I bring this up because you assume that the mundane movements which are not directly associated with the expression of Knowing are somehow not susceptible to Centeredness.
You are comfortable when a conversation or a Workshop is occurring, because it conveys what I will call a process of education, a very specific, focused expression of love.  But, you are not able to identify Centeredness with relating to Chris, or to eating dinner, or to being with friends.  You do not have much basis—outside of the scope of a Workshop or of a private conversation—for being in the world from your Center.  And so I point out to you that being Centered has not inhibited you from scratching your head or removing a piece of food from your tongue just a moment ago which had become lodged in your tooth, nor of drinking coffee, nor, in the case of Christopher’s coming in the room, relating to him without “teaching.”
These are a handful of examples which you will have to rely upon heavily, because they are the only ones you have at an experiential level of being in the world Awake, of being in the world from your Center, in just being in a context other than a private conversation or a Workshop.
The simple point is that you must dare to be present in these other worldly contexts from the vantage point of Knowing, rather than assuming that you must fall back upon the conditionings of your sidekick and your sidekick’s traditional responses.  It is only in this way that you can begin to explore and become comfortable with being out from your Knowing.  Not all “being out from Knowing” is constituted of problem solving, even though fully 99% of your experience of it has involved problem solving.
How do you eat dinner from your Center?  How do you play Pictionary from your Center?  How do you hug someone from your Center?  How do you observe the scenery from your Center?  I am not going to answer that.  I am going to say, explore doing it!  And explore doing it on purpose, just as much as you engage in Workshops and private conversations from your Center on purpose.  And remember, because this is the key point for you at this time, that in doing it, you will experience the integrity, the congruence, the Peace of your Being which is fulfilling, and will constitute an experience of Self—minus fear, minus the sense of incompetence, minus all the characteristics of the sidekick.
I am going to encourage Susan to help you, as she has been, by pointing out when you are getting into “thinking.”  And you, Paul, are going to have to learn to recognize that when your sidekick becomes defensive, self-righteously defensive, that action, if taken as yours and energized, only succeeds in covering up and withholding from you, your experience of your Self, your experience of your Integrity, your experience of your Peace, your experience of your fulfillment.
Now, this is good.  Throughout the conversation, you have at times, experienced doubts, a certain quizzicalness, but you have not energized them, and have set them aside because, indeed, if you energize your doubts, you cannot be present to experience your Knowing.  Remember that.
You do not have to understand analytically, logically.  It isn’t the understanding which is important.  It is the experience of your Peace.  It is the experience of your congruence.  It is the experience of your Integrity—which is a feeling.  And in the presence of that feeling, which is uncluttered by conflict, you are the transparency for Truth.  You are “the understanding” expressed and expressing.  But the understanding is not a possession.  So, if you want to understand, don’t try to understand.  Invite the Knowing.
[Period of silence.]
Paul:  Are you through?
Raj:  No, I am not.  I am just letting this sink in.
Good.  Just let yourself be where you are.  Don’t grasp for what is coming next and don’t grasp for what has been.
As I let what was said sink in, you continued to give your attention to what I would say next.  You did not try to grasp what I had said and purposely embody it.  You also let it sink in.  Then when a sense of urgency arose regarding other issues, and what would come next, you did not energize it.  You did not become full of active expressions of questions.  You remained present with me, Listening for the next words, the next “Knowing’s,” whenever they might occur.  This is where your Peace lies, Paul—in that willingness to be present in the now with your calm attention where the Knowing is experienced.  You literally have no other place to be, nor is there any need to be anywhere else, truly.
Now, this evening, I want you to explore being from your Knowing, not from your thinking.  You will not be tested, nor judged.  Just explore it, and the exploration of it will provide us with grist for the mill, as it were—further elucidation which will be relevant to you and will have meaning.  And ask me questions.  Don’t assume that somehow the process of Listening and Hearing is going to be different.
You and I are not in the process of “breaking up.”  You are not in a process of becoming independent from me, where you never inquire again.  It is just that now it is necessary for you to understand that when you are inquiring, and when I am answering, You are answering.  And that when You are answering, I am answering.  And therefore all of this is absolutely relevant to you as an actual experience of your divinity, not just a means of getting information to help you experience your divinity.
You have circumstances going on in your experience which are unprecedented, and therefore you have no ready understanding, no ready responses, no ready ability to be mechanically at peace or mechanically “appropriate.”  I want to remind you that you will not arrive finally at an understanding.  Arriving at an understanding is not the goal!  This is because Life isn’t an unfolding of movement within concepts.  It is a movement which reflects the absolutely original movement of Being.
Again, the goal is to be goal-less, present in the now, so as to always be standing in support of the movement of Being and Its Intent, which is never confined to concepts, but is always absolutely expressive of original fulfillment.  So, be willing to stay at the threshold, the crest of the wave—as Susan brought out this morning—that point of instability where unpredictable originality is what is happening.
Now, there is concern about finances. I will tell you, that concern is arising out of thinking.  At this time, you are letting yourself be open to Knowing.  Knowing, identified as You/Me speaking, is not addressing money, is It?  Therefore, that is not the issue.  That is not where congruence is needed.  That is not what congruence is needed about.  What we are talking about is specifically relevant to your finances, among other things.  It is only the ego, the sidekick, which would demand that Knowing address what it sees to be a problem.  Knowing doesn’t address problems.  Knowing specifically uncovers resolution, solutions.
I will look forward to speaking with you tomorrow.

_____________________
2 Meaning “Raj.”
3 Sounds of construction of a new house next door.

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January 14, 1991
Monday

Paul:  I don’t even know what needs to be addressed.
Raj:  Paul, we have been addressing what needs to be addressed.  The events of daily life will continue, but will not become the focal points to be addressed.  The key here is Listening—and this does not mean letting down and resorting to instinct, memory, or personality patterns where you unthinkingly respond to the so-called stimulus of life.  Listening is unthinking, but not un-Self-conscious, and actions arise out of Knowing—not inaction or reaction.  Being is not responsive!
When you begin a Workshop, you have the conscious intent to draw exclusively from within, to not place your attention outside yourself.  No attempts are made to control the environment, or the order of events or the nature of the questions.  Everything is grist for the mill.  You are the one who takes breaks periodically for “relief” from that mode of being.
I will tell you something: We are pushing through this supposed need for “relief.”  Indeed, the timing of the breaks4 has occurred because they are in order, but your shift of attention to “Paul, the Channeler” and “externals” is not.
Now, I will tell you something else: I am not pushing you.  I am reflecting the demand of your Being for congruence!  I am doing this so that you might know what the pressure is, and not misunderstand the need.  This is not a learning that you can choose to learn whenever you feel like it.  You are bigger and you must embrace it.
You see, as long as you think “Bumbling Paul,” the sidekick, is the real you, your divine Self-hood will seem to be your sidekick, the fantasy partner, the intangible, insubstantial essence—the ethereal you.  This displacement is being healed, requiring you to invest yourself in the “unreal”5 and abandon the “real.”6  That is how you let go of the ego.  This is how you become Sane.
You see, I am not riding around in your hip pocket.  The “you” that thinks I am is riding around in the hip pocket of You.  And You and I are brothers.  You hear me instead of your Self because your sidekick cannot acknowledge You.  Indeed, this is an Awakening, or healing of mental illness—confused identity—and will affect and consume every perception of your existence.  One is never selectively insane.  Misperception colors all of one’s experience.
I will tell you something else: You have friends to meet and greet you when you come out of this misperception of self whom you will enjoy re-recognizing.  To hell with those who are still dreaming!  You don’t have the perspective to know whether they are really asleep or not, and would you stay in your dream to save them from their dream if you knew they weren’t really asleep?  You cannot afford to govern yourself according to your current perceptions.  Maybe the lack is the crumbling of something illusory that doesn’t need to be reestablished.  You will not know until you choose for Me/You.
Would you not be in your right Mind?  Would you not choose to move beyond even the happy dream?  The happy dream is a stepping-stone, not a place to settle into.  The happy dream is insubstantial—dreamlike because it still isn’t Reality.  But, it does promote the dissolving of denser illusion which seems so real.  And, as I said, the stepping-stone begins to crumble, and you must make the final leap across the little gap that is no gap at all.
The issue here is not money or schedule or any other obligation to the human condition.  The issue is Listening permanently—committing to me rather than your fantasy sidekick, your imaginary self.  In this act, you must necessarily come into the full conscious awareness as my brother—the real You that You Are.

____________________
4 The hourly breaks in the Workshops.
5 The Centered perspective.
6 The well-established ego perspective.

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January 15, 1991
Tuesday

Raj:  I think you are beginning to see, Paul, that all of this that we have been engaged in for the past, almost nine years, has been relative to you—much of it an indirect education, an indirect movement of you into the real elements of your Being while distracting you from the fact that it was specifically changing you by means of doing the conversations with others.5  Now it is indeed time for it to be brought home to you that I am, and have been, engaged in promoting your Awakening, your healing, as it were, of a false sense of self.
As I said earlier, our dialoguing like this does constitute your connection with Reality, with Sanity, and you are now beginning to grasp why it is that the one who is dreaming must reach out, and why one’s Guide cannot enforce his or her presence upon the one guided.  The one being guided has been engaging in the denial of Reality, the effective blocking of It, and that resistance cannot be penetrated.  It isn’t actually a shell, but an insistence upon ignoring.  And no one can penetrate an act of ignoring—you could say, an act of ignorance.
This does, indeed, cause it to seem to be entirely up to you, which, of course, does not compute with the ego’s suggestion that That which is divine has ultimate power to penetrate illusion, and therefore if one’s Guide is not penetrating illusion, then we must not be Who we say we are.  That is simply another part of the defense, another part of the justification for ignore-ance.
Therefore, the more consistently you dialogue with me, the more consistently you are letting in the possibility of an experience of Reality different from what you have decided reality is going to be for you.  And that is the beginning of Sanity, of waking up!  Your practice of Listening is your practice of coming out from seclusion in your own private, tiny sense of self and world.
What is significant here, and what has been significant about the past nine years is that you have engaged in Listening.  You have not engaged in as much dialoguing as would have been helpful, but by virtue of your willingness to allow me to address others, you have put yourself in the position of relating to “the Real world,” to Reality.  You are now able to consider looking at the fact that Reality is where you Are, and that you are different from the perceptions you have held so dear about yourself called the ego, the sidekick, “bumbling Paul,”—a personal, private sense of self that has very little to do with Reality.  You are able to embrace that concept, which is actually the Fact, without significant fear—reluctance maybe, resistance, yes, but with little fear, and now with some active curiosity.
I will tell you that it will be important for you not to think too much, because your thinking is habitual.  I mean by that, it is unoriginal.  It is caught in the past.  It substantiates old concepts and fears, which, because of their great familiarity, can distract you for a time, and thus delay your coming into your right Mind.
The experience of personality is, indeed, the effective block to the experience of Individuality, of Identity.  Again—and this is imperative now—if you are not “channeling” me, then be in touch with me constantly.  I will not be imposed upon by your constantly dialoguing with me, even in the midst of your relating to others and engaging in daily activities.
I would encourage you to be like a little child, unfamiliar with its new surroundings, who is constantly saying, “What is this?”  “What is that?”  “What is this?”  “What is that?”  For the most part, it does not bug the parents, because they know they are there to help convey the meaning as it is understood.  And likewise, I am here in the position of being able to respond to your questions, “What is this?”  “What is that?”  “What does this really mean?”  “What does that really mean?”  “What is going on here?”
These questions are not an imposition upon me.  Indeed, they provide the connection and the means by which you relinquish the great affection you have for your ego, and reclaim your conscious experience of your Identity—and, of course, ultimately, our ability to related to each other as Who we Are and always have been, without your interposing either a complete act of ignoring that causes me to seem to be nonexistent in your life, or a half-hearted ignoring which is constituted of biasing my meaning so as to cause it to appear to be what you need it to be in order to remain secure in your ignorance.
As I have said before, the only thing going on is Reality, and the only thing confronting you is Reality, and everything that you experience has Meaning in terms of what it Really is.  But the definitions you give to it in order to secure your ignorance of its Real meaning causes it to appear to be unlike Reality.  And, likewise, it causes your unreal perception of it to seem to be real, and worthy of your continued honoring.
Now, I am not giving you a teaching here for you to grasp and understand and employ!  I am giving you an experience which you are giving yourself permission to have by virtue of not blocking me so significantly that you cannot hear me.  And the experience is one that is not occurring from within the ignorance.  It is not originating within the false sense of Paul—the sidekick, if you will—but is arising out of the little bit of you that is in your right Mind, and therefore is experiencing a little bit of what is Really going on.
It is the experience of being Who you Are that I am promoting, and not an “intellectual knowledge.”  Indeed, to quote Susan, if I were to sit here and say “Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,” and you did not miss one moment of the “blahs,” but were attentive to them, the essential dynamics of Awakening would be present, because you could not hear the “blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,” from within your defenses.  Thus the experience of being in your right Mind, even though it would not be complete, would be Actual, and that is the way the weight gets shifted from the unreal sidekick that seems real to the real Friend that seems unreal, and the real You that has seemed nonexistent.
Bring me with you wherever you go.  Remain actively in touch with me at all times, whether you are relaying what I am saying or just silently speaking with me.  Use me to reflect back to you the Reality that you are in the middle of, and Which it is your Birthright to be experiencing truly without my help.
I do not mind if you say, “Are you there?”  I will say, “Yes.”  And, if over the course of a half an hour you ask me that thirty times, it is all right, because if you are asking me if I am there and I say, “Yes,” you are having the conscious experience of being there also, even though the fullness of it may not be registering with you.
Again I am going to reiterate: Avoid thinking!  If you want to have the stimulation of insight, don’t think.  Listen!  And listen to me.  Then the amplifications which you expect to arrive at through thinking, but will not, will be present in the nature of the dialogue, the connection.  Then the specifics that you would hope to arrive at through thinking will come as Knowing, and further substantiate the shift of weight of emphasis of attention to you, and thus disengage you further from the distorted self-perception that you have thought was really you.
Again: If you want to understand, don’t think.  Listen.  Dialogue.  Actively speak with me.  Actively be with me.  This is another way of saying, actively let me in, because to the degree that you let me in, you let yourself into your right Mind, and your full Sanity, and your full embrace of what is Really going on—Reality, the Kingdom of Heaven, the Movement of Creation, the experience of unity, integrity.
Assume nothing—just as you asked me whether it was appropriate to keep Michael’s appointment, even though your conditioning said, “Of course, it is appropriate.  The time was set.  I have to be there.  I should be there.  It is appropriate for me to be there.”  Well, you didn’t Know whether it was appropriate for you to be there.  It was a concept that you ought to be there, and that concept was based upon education and training which embodied certain protocols.  There are no protocols in Being.  There is, however, the integrated orderliness of being absolutely appropriate, and that means being unquestioningly congruent with the Movement of God.  That means that you may or may not do what you said you were going to do, because your allegiance is to congruence rather than cooperation.
You are right.  You are still not getting it.  But, I will tell you something: What you mean is, you are not getting an intellectual grasp of it.  But, to the degree that you continue to talk [with me], whether you are intellectually getting it or not, you again are being the willingness and the invitation to experiencing yourself in your right Mind by operating, even in this limited fashion, as you in your right Mind.  You, as your ego, cannot talk to me at all.  It is You, in your real Being, who is talking with me and hearing me.  And so you are substantiating your Sanity, your Wholeness, the Reality of You, whether you are “getting it” or not, whether you are allowing a Conversation with Raj to occur or not.
Now, it is not necessary to be in a meditative state.  At this point, it is helpful to meditate when the line of communication seems to be filled with static.  It is the means of clearing the “sound” of resistance from the line of communication.  Our connection is, indeed, definite, and you can hear me whether your ego is erupting or not.
Remember—and this is the key of our conversation today—it is the act of being in dialogue, it is the event of being connected, and not what happens during the connection, which constitutes the bridge that allows you to move from the ego sense of self to the Conscious experience of Who You Are.  Indeed, you can ask me to simply say, “Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,” when you are afraid of the content of what you might hear, because it isn’t the content but the connection that constitutes the bridge.
You see, from the three-dimensional-only frame of reference, from the ego’s vantage point, all you ever experience is a sense of what is going on, and that is a far cry from the experience of what is going on.  A sense of what is going on is a conceptualization, rather than a direct experience.  If that conceptualization is believed to be an experience, then misunderstanding is the result.  But it is always a misunderstanding of something Real, as I have said before.  I have also said before that you will not understand your way into the Kingdom of Heaven, because the fantasy partner, since it has no actual existence, has no means of understanding the Reality which it is the active denial of.
You are intelligence, and I am intelligence, and our experience of each other will be one of intelligence and Meaning.  But that does not mean that it will be one of understanding, as you conceive that word to be.  It will be an experience of Knowing, which you are already familiar with.
When we are conversing, when we are connecting, the experience will be ultimately intelligent.  But just because it is intelligent doesn’t mean you need to engage the attempt to understand it, because, Paul, you are not going to use it—the understanding—for the purpose of improving your ability to deny Reality.  In other words, you will not be using it to improve the capacities of the sidekick, the fantasy partner, that you have thought was you.  This is a fine point of distinction, here, but it is one that you are grasping experientially, which allows you to more easily give permission to indulge in letting yourself into an experience which your personal sense of self can only conceive of as fantasy.
So, you see, it could seem as though I am giving you something to think about.  Just abide with it.  Just be with it, without thinking.  But do not be with it to the exclusion of continuing to dialogue with me.
Now, as long as you are listening, I am going to ask you to do something.  I am going to make a request of you.  I would like to make a demand of you.  I will put it more softly, though.  Will you stay in touch with me?  Will you constantly at least say, “Hello,” so that I may say, “Hello” back?  Will you allow me to be the presence of friendship?  Will you care enough to want a friend—enough to reach out to see if your friend is, indeed, still present?  Because, you see, I love you.  And I want to speak to you with you Knowing that you are You.
Paul:  I am surprised at the reluctance, the feeling that I will not be able to do it consistently.  But, I will say, yes.
It is amazing to me that it does not seem more important to me than it does.
Raj:  Paul, do not be too amazed.  That is a wonderful distraction.
Don’t think about this.  Will you do it?  Without thinking about your answer, will you make a point of connecting with me at all times?
Paul:  Yes.
Raj:  I want you to make a sticker and put it on the face of your computer monitor.  The words on it are to say, “Do you want a friend?”  Do you want a friend?
How self-sufficient are you that you don’t need a friend?  Not a fantasy friend.  A real friend.  Don’t think about that question, just feel it, and put that sticker on your monitor.
Paul:  I will.
Raj:  Now, we are back to the feeling of the need for relief, aren’t we, Paul?  Which simply means you feel a need to withdraw.  We may stop talking in this fashion, but you don’t have to stop checking to see if I am here, and listening for my response.  Just notice the feeling of the need for withdrawal into privateness—without judgment.  But be aware of it.  I will tell you that you can tolerate the active connection longer, and I want you to remember that the reason we are talking is because of your choice.  It is not because I am forcing myself upon you.  You do not need to withdraw from me.  That is the excuse, but the excuse can only make sense if you can be distracted from the fact that you reached out for the connection.
You are not, in fact, withdrawing from my embrace of you.  You are withdrawing into privateness that does not allow you to experience the fact that you are embracing always!  The suggestion is that you are shutting me out.  But know that you are shutting yourself in—self-protective withdrawal into isolation for security that doesn’t constitute security, but which constitutes incarceration.
We will end here.  I am not going to argue.
You see, I know that you will be checking in.  I am actively, presently, constantly here.  And, no, I am not a 24-hour round-the-clock psychiatric nurse!  I am your brother.
January 16, 1991
Wednesday

Raj:  Indeed, Paul, I thank you for checking in with me frequently since we spoke yesterday.  This is the way you anchor yourself in Reality.  I say this because not only are you speaking with me, but each time you have checked in with me, you have allowed yourself to be aware that you are present with me, and that I am not just present with you.  In the past, you have had a sense of my being present with you where you are in your perception of things.  But in the last twenty-four hours, you have grasped that when we are speaking, you are actively present with me, I will say, in the Kingdom of Heaven, in the Fourth dimension, in the undistorted conscious experience of Being, even though almost none of it seems to be available to you, except for the presence of my words.  This is, indeed, the way you make the shift.  This is, indeed, the way you Graduate.  This is, indeed, the way you relinquish an investment of trust in your perceptions, or in the three-dimensional-only frame of reference.
When you remember where you must truly be, no matter how partial that remembrance is, you begin to realize that you haven’t the faintest idea what is trustworthy about anything you are experiencing other than you and me.  And you also begin to realize that the solution to this problem doesn’t lie in investigating, analyzing, and discerning what is trustworthy, but rather, it lies in relying upon the one thing you are becoming sure of—the existence of you and me.  Yes, that is one thing.  And the one thing isn’t you or me, or you and me.  The one thing is infinity/eternity—the Conscious experience of being the only thing going on, which is pure Awareness, in which the infinitude of the being of that conscious awareness is experienced as you and me.
Our relationship is a unity, and our conversation, our experience of each other, is communion.  That is taking things further than you can grasp at the moment.  For the time being, the key point is that our conversations demonstrate for you the fact that you are with me from my point of view, which means from the Father’s point of view, rather than my being with you from your level of perception.  I have not come to where you are in belief.  I am speaking to you where we are in Reality.  Therefore, again, our communication is a demonstration of the Fact of where you Are.
This means that “as much of you as is hearing me” is absolutely Fourth-dimensional, experiencing a limited experience of infinite Being.  Therefore, no matter how limited it is, it is absolutely valid, absolutely real, and constitutes a part of you that has no further to go.  It is a limited experience of You, Fourth-dimensional man.
Now, I must reiterate that this checking in must continue frequently—indeed, even more frequently than during the past twenty-four hours.  Do not be dismayed that your sense of what is real becomes less sure.  I am speaking now of your experience of your sense of yourself and your sense of your world.
All you can be sure of—and this is the Fact—all you can be sure of is that you are seeing something, and it is something functioning Fourth-dimensionally, even though the definitions and meanings you are giving it, which seem so real, are invalid.  In order for what they really mean to register with you, you must go through a phase where, indeed, you are unsure.
Let this sense of Reality and unreality, without clear distinction, be.  And do not try to figure it out.  But insist, as you have, upon communicating with me, because our communication does now cease to be a communication of information and becomes a substantiation of where you, as you are experiencing yourself, are originating from.  In other words, again, our conversation confirms your divinity and its active presence, Fourth-dimensionally speaking.
What I am saying, you are experiencing—and I am not talking about an idea!  To continue frequently to experience—not think about—that confirmation, you will become grounded Fourth-dimensionally and ungrounded three-dimensionally.  That is the shift.  As that confirmation is reconfirmed when you frequently address me and hear me respond, it will include illumination of the details which in the past you have hoped to arrive at by means of thinking and reasoning.
You are indeed on the move again—not stuck in an improved belief.
Now, I wish to address another point.  In your choosing to check in with me frequently, even if it is to hear a brief response from me, it is the means by which you do not slip into distraction in a cozy and comfortable sleep and dream.  In spite of the drama of the day’s events, and in spite of the drama/dynamics of your personal experience of limitation, you have not become distracted so completely by them that you have neglected to speak with me and experience the reminder—or shall I say, have the remindful experience—of not being in the drama or the dynamics.  As a result, you have not lost perspective, and the dream, the limited perception, has not consumed you.
You have, in the last twenty-four hours spent more time being consciously present, Fourth-dimensionally speaking, than in the whole history of your dreaming.  Humanly speaking, that would amount to thousands of years.
I encourage you, during the next twenty-four hours, to check in with me even more frequently.  And again, I caution you not to become concerned because of a lessening of your ability to tell what is real and what is not, what is important and what is not.  Allow that flux, and address yourself to the one unchanging, anchored aspect—that of our connection and the fact that that connection is occurring Fourth-dimensionally; that you are not connecting with me from the three-dimensional-only frame of reference, but are connecting with me from and as the Fourth-dimensional conscious experience of Being.
It is as though you have stuck a periscope up, and it has penetrated the Fourth dimension, and you have noticed me, and we have experienced each other.  You have seen yourself as being in the submarine,7 beneath the surface of the water, viewing me by remote control or remote vision.  But it is a part of you that has penetrated beyond the three-dimensional frame of reference and is experiencing me from your very own Fourth-dimensional standpoint.  Therefore, you are not experiencing me from inside a submerged submarine, enclosed and separated, but you are experiencing me from where I Am, because you are there, too!
Let the apparent confusion be.  It does not matter that you cannot tell whether any part of the submarine6 is real or not, or what there is about it that is Fourth-dimensionally Real.  For example: You do not know whether the observing of the events in the Mideast on TV is unworthy of your attention, but your experience of financial lack is worthy of your attention, because you grasp that they might both be of the same order of illusion.  Is one or the other of them more worthy of your attention?  Are they both?  Or neither one?
I will tell you something: If either one of them were the appropriate focus of your attention, that is what we would be talking about!  But, you see, we are talking about letting go of the sidekick and its polarized, dualistic perceptions—confidences and doubts, fulfillments and lack of fulfillments—and, indeed, we are talking about anchoring yourself at Home by means of simply connecting with me, because it is literally that shift from the standpoint of the sidekick to the standpoint of your Being which separates the tares from the wheat, the illusion from the reality, the overlay of misperception from the underlying Reality which is being misperceived.  Then the illusion of lack will not be present to deal with, and the experience of the Wholeness of You, the Wholeness of God’s Self-expression, will be what is being experienced.
I know.  The ego suggests that that is a nice escape from dealing with what needs to be dealt with.  It says, “Come back.  You have a few loose ends to take care of.”  But, as I have said before, your income, your abundance, comes from being Centered.  I did not say it comes from taking care of loose ends which are perceived from uncenteredness.
Now, we are talking about being Centered with a fuller meaning of Centeredness.  Centeredness really means at-Homeness.  It really means the conscious comprehension of the experience of being at Home, which now our communications are substantiating.
Why do you think that I said to my disciples, “Follow thou me”?  Because it gave them the opportunity to make the choice, from within themselves, for their own reasons, for their Sanity.  And why do you think I said to “sell everything that thou hast, and follow me,” or to forget about the mother who needed to be buried because she had died?  Because the ego always has loose ends to distract one from waking up.  Just one more thing to take care of.  One last thing to do within the context of the dream.  One last thing to do from the three-dimensional frame of reference.
You wordlessly initiated this evening’s conversation with a confusion about what truly constituted the issue that needed to be addressed, and whether the money issue was any more real than the world issue.  That confusion is indicative of the shift that is currently, actively, and really occurring within you, of Awakening.  And I have been, and am, addressing the issue, and am telling you that your practice of checking in with me frequently during the last twenty-four hours has constituted the most significant forward movement you have engaged in, and is not irrelevant to the apparent issues at hand, but constitutes the specific answer to the issues at hand.
Now, you may fret this in your mind, if you wish, and I will get as boringly monotonous as I did in the beginning when I told you, “your income comes from being Centered” over and over again.  Except now it is that your conscious connection with me constitutes an actual Fourth-dimensional conscious experience of Being, a joining of the two of us at the level of Reality, and not a joining which bridges a gap between the third and Fourth dimension.  This clearly places you now in the Fourth dimension.  And that is the deeper and broader meaning of my statement, “Your income comes from being Centered.”  Your Wholeness comes from being at Home Consciously.  And if our conversations are the only conscious experience you have of being at Home, then it is that connection which constitutes the Answer, which constitutes that which heals the illusion of lack.
So, your task between now and our next conversation is to connect with me even more frequently than you have in the past twenty-four hours.

————————————————
7 Represents the three-dimensional frame of reference—located in the world and universe.
January 18, 1991
Friday

Paul:  I just want to say that I am feeling really scattered today, at this point—very, very unsure about what is going on, and what is important and what isn’t. There seems to be chaos and absolute lack of order and focus.  Anything and everything seems to be what needs to be attended to.  Anyway, that’s where I am.
Is it true that you have something to say?
Raj:  Yes, Paul, it is true.
Paul:  Okay.
Raj:  What I have to say is still relative to Graduation.
Paul:  The impression I got when you said that was, it is still more relevant than anything else at the moment that seems worthy of my attention or focus.  Was that intended, or am I jumping to conclusions?
Raj:  Indeed, that is absolutely correct, Paul.  You must begin to see it from my point of view.  If you have been dreaming dreams, totally engrossed in them, to the exclusion of your Conscious awareness of Where and Who you truly Are, and now you are…h-m-mm, yes…lucid enough to recognize my presence and the fact that you must be present with me where I am to be experiencing me, then there is only one focus possible.  That is, as you put it, pulling you through the knothole that seems to be between you and your awareness of Who and Where you Are, and me, without any distortion in your experience of me.
The nature, character, dynamics and drama of your dreams literally have no importance, because they are part and parcel of your ignorance, not your Consciousness—not your lucid all-inclusive Conscious experience of Being.  And so, when you say, “Oh, a monster is chasing me.  I need to go and run,” I cannot tell you that it is more important than your continuing connection with me, which is your continuing connection with Reality, your continuing connection with your Self in your right Mind, in which there is no monster and no need to run.
As I have already said, do not try to determine what is real and what is illusion at the level of dream.  You must understand that it is your willingness to pay attention to me, to my presence outside of the dream—and therefore your presence outside of the dream—which is the only thing that will bring you to a point of being able to distinguish what is Real.  And, of course, there will not be anything remaining appearing to be unreal, so no distinction between the two will have to be made.  We are talking about clarity, here, in which there is no confusion, no distorted perception.
Now, you have realized that you forgot to check in with me even more frequently after our last conversation.  You, nevertheless, did check in with me, and did, to a limited degree, provide yourself with the remindful experience of where we Are—which really means, for you, where You Are truly.
Indeed, the drama of the dream has been a little more dynamic in the past few days.  But what is unreal about it is no more unreal than it was when it was less dynamic, and therefore does not truly require your attention any more than when the dream seemed to be peaceful.  So, I am going to reiterate again the need for touching base with me more and more frequently.  This is the way you build a basis of experience as to where you really Are, and therefore, this is the way in which you become clearer that you are not in the dream, and you are not the caricature of self that you are experiencing within the dream, but are the Self that is with me in the Fourth-dimensional Conscious experience of Being.
Again, I ask you: Will you do this?
Paul:  Yes, to the very best of my ability.
Raj:  Again, Paul, there is a need for desire to be present—a desire for a friend.  A desire to be with me consciously.  And again, at this point, any experience of not being with me is not a valid or valuable experience.  Therefore a choice for being unaware of me is a choice which imprisons you in unconsciousness, ignorance.  Your great familiarity with your ignorance, and your great unfamiliarity with being with me does not justify the ongoing choice for being unconscious of me, and therefore unconscious of You.
If it seems that the protocols of your dream are dissolving—being rendered meaningless—and as a result there is what you perceive and judge to be chaos, then you may know that the elements of its attraction—meaning the ignorance or the dream—are losing their ability to hold your attention, and thus, you not only have a “window of escape,” you also feel a need.  This is in perfect order and is indicative of healing, of your coming back into your right Mind—your undistorted, unbiased, unconditional, unconditioned Conscious experience of Being.
So, when you feel the need for order, when the conceptual orderlinesses of your experience are dissolving, know that order will be achieved—not by virtue of reestablishing the order in the dream, but—by virtue of connecting with me, thus bringing your point of attention to that Place where You Are, truly, and that Place only where your capacity to experience truly is present and available, in which the absence of order and its potential threat to your sense of your well being gets swallowed up in unchangeable, absolute Order or Harmony, where there is no experience of threat or potential for threat.  I will repeat this as many times as I have to.
In your connecting with me—and now, by virtue of connecting with me and having an experience of the fact that you must be with me where I am in order to do so—this is the essential step in terms of your release from the dream, the personal sense of self and the distorted perception of Reality which is inseparable from it.
Paul:  I realize I am now trying to understand.  So, do you have more to say?
Raj:  Yes, Paul.  I do.
Now, it is important for you to notice how you are willing to pull your attention back from me into an allegiance to what I will call “the events of your day.”  I mean by that, the events of the three-dimensional day—or even more accurately, the three-dimensional perception of the eternal Now that is called Day.
You are bringing into play a level of concern and obligation as though somehow, even though your allegiance to the protocols of your day will involve my speaking to someone, that it is appropriate to become un-Self-conscious of your self as being with me.  In other words, the withdrawal suggests a return to the three-dimensional frame of reference and then listening from there.  And we are not going to do that any more.
If you are listening to me, you are going to be listening to me from Here.  And what I mean by that is: You are going to be listening to me while embracing the conscious experience of being Here with me, where I am Fourth-dimensionally.
As you can see, you are not going to be able to reason this thing out.
Paul:  Am I going to keep this appointment with Phyllis?
Raj:  Not if you want to stay in touch with me.
Paul:  You are saying, then, that we will continue talking and the connection will appear to be you and me talking, not you and Phyllis talking and having an appointment?
Raj:  That is correct, Paul, unless you refuse to speak with me, I am going to continue to speak to you and bring your awareness more significantly into your clear experience of what is Really going on.
Paul:  All right.
[Just cancelled appointment.]
Paul:  This certainly is increasing my anxiety level, when there is lack and then I am canceling appointments.
Raj:  Paul, this anxiety is inherent in the level which you are choosing to invest energy.  At this moment you are hearing me, but you are not experiencing the fact that you are with me.  You are listening from within the framework of personal bias, the tiny sense of self, the three-dimensional-only frame of reference.  Again, you must understand that this is not where Cause lies.  This is not where movement originates.  This is not where anything is done.  This is not where Being is being.  It is just the visibility and tangibility of Being-—visibility and tangibility only!  You could say the three-dimensional-only frame of reference is the visibility-and-tangibility-only frame of reference.  What it is the visibility and tangibility of exists only Fourth-dimensionally.
Paul:  All right.
Raj:  Good.  You are back.
Paul:  But I feel like I’m blind, and ignoring what I am able to see.8
Raj:  Yes.  But, you are not deaf, are you?  You are Hearing me.  And I will say, your ears are Here with me, or your ears are functioning—and I am being symbolic.  If Hearing is the one faculty which is not being blocked, then by all means, Paul, give your attention to it!  It is the means by which the rest of you may be, I am going to say, re-enlivened, re-invigorated.  That is why listening to me is so imperative.  It involves that part of You which you are allowing to be lucid.
Paul:  It is amazing, because it seems that I am doing nothing in the face of much to do.
Raj:  Yes, Paul.  But the “much to do,” you would do ignorantly, and that is not an accomplishment.
Do not worry, the dream will not bite you nor destroy you.  And your not giving your full attention to it will not put you in jeopardy, even though your strong belief is that it will.
You must understand that what is happening here in our connection partakes in no way of belief, and that is a very important point.  When we are connected, you are not standing back, separate and apart, observing, analyzing, and grasping intellectually what is happening.  Therefore, there can be no belief associated with it.  You see, what you have in the past wanted was a break to get back to the familiarity of belief—of your beliefs, of your protocols, your so-called orderly structures of dreaming.  You have wanted relief from unfamiliarity, relief from having to pay attention, relief from being vital.
When one is in a hospital and unconscious, vital signs—signs of vitality—are monitored.  Respiration.  Heartbeat.  Brain activity, et cetera.  The divine faculties of Conscious Being, which you could call Hearing, Seeing, Tasting, Smelling, et cetera, the direct comprehending of Reality, could be called the vital signs.  And right now the one vital sign that is functioning is Hearing.  And it is a result of Listening.  And that will give you a clue, because if you want to see, then you must look!  And how do you look?  Well, you want to see.  You don’t want to see something in particular, because you don’t know what there is to see.  But you want to see.  And the “wanting” is the “looking.”  And the seeing is what comes, just as Listening brings forth Hearing.
You must stop valuing the inputs which bolster the ego and satisfy it.  I mean by that, the actions that get approval.  You must at this point value the marvelous fact that you are, at this instant, connecting with me from That of you which is Fourth-dimensional.  It is a concrete demonstration of your Sanity—your presence of Mind—and therefore an illuminated experience of your Being, with no distortion present.
I realize that it doesn’t seem as significant as the fantastic imagery of the imagination which you have come to believe is reality, and which it now seems to you that you are ignoring and therefore separating yourself from.  But as has been said, “the way is straight and narrow, and few there by that go in thereat.”9  And this is because it feels like the loss of immense, all-inclusive, total, images, concepts and belief structures called reality, but which necessarily has a small “r.”
Again, Paul, you cannot know ahead of time what this means, and so you are going to have to trust as you take my hand by joining with me Here at Home.
Paul:  This is not fun.
Raj:  It all depends on where you’re standing as you’re observing it.  Because I will tell you, again, that from my vantage point this is cause for great Joy and great Joy is being experienced by those of us standing in attendance, you might say, as you reach out and desire to embrace, and thus express Mind, thus express your natural inherent Sanity.
It is not pleasant to sacrifice your illusions.  And again, this is why it is imperative for you to connect with me frequently, if not absolutely constantly, so as to have the opportunity to stand in the presence of your Sanity, your unflawed experience of what is Really going on, because you will be able to catch the feel of Joy which will further illuminate You to you as Who You truly Are, and thus promote greater willingness to release, without reason or thought, the fantasy you.
Paul:  There is joy here?
Raj:  And laughter, too, at your very question.  Indeed, yes.  The laughter is Joy because your question constituted a further opening.
Paul:  Are there many Here, or is that pertinent?
Raj:  There are ten or twelve of us at this time—shall I say, “as we speak.”
Paul:  Is this “Here” occupying the same space I would describe as “here” three-dimensionally?
Raj:  No, Paul, because this “here,” as you put it, three-dimensionally, isn’t present in space, either, but in the conscious experience of being conscious.  In that sense, the answer is yes, because the Place is Awareness, not the sense of space that form seems to suggest—and when I say “form,” I mean visibility and tangibility.  The conscious experience of an idea.
All of us are eager to discern increasing curiosity in you, because the presence of curiosity about where you Really Are is the vitalizing factor which opens the Door, so to speak—dissolves the conceptual blocks of perception and allows Knowing to occur “once again.”  We are not happy when you slip away in concern for the sense of space and time, and of self located in it, because, in effect, we lose you for a time.  I will say it this way: We lose the opportunity to experience You—and, as I have said before, to some extent the experience of Us, because you are inseparable.
You see, just as each one must find his or her own reason for living, you must find your own reason for being Conscious. And you will never find the reason for being Conscious within the ignorance, within the dream.  Therefore, the reason for being Conscious will never be reasonable!  At least not from within the limited definitions of reason which are employed within the dream.
So, you must arrive at a conviction, and a willingness to commit to that conviction, which allows you to abandon reason for the apparently unreasonable.  It is because what we are doing at this moment, you and I, does not compute with your preexisting conditioning that it seems unreasonable and impractical, and will seem so if you do not stay in touch with the unjustifiable claim that I am making—that you and I are together, actively and consciously together, to the degree that you are Hearing me, in the Fourth dimension, in the Kingdom of Heaven, in the middle of Reality, and that it is only by means of this connection and your embrace of the ability to conceive of your being Here with me that you can break through your “amnesia.”
Paul:  Do you have more to say?
Raj:  Not at this time.  I want you to try to stay connected with me constantly.
__________________________
8 Unable to see the Reality he is revealing, and not paying attention to what I have perceived reality to be since I was born.
9 Matthew 7:14  “Strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.”
January 20, 1991
Sunday

Paul:  This has been a miserable day—headache, and it feels like depression.  It’s certainly frustration, canceling appointments.  And you said in the Pacific Palisades Workshop that pain was unacknowledged Good.  And you’ve also indicated that pain is resistance.  And I realize that since we spoke, I have checked in with you minimally.  So, all I’m going to say is, “Ouch!”
Raj:  Ouch, indeed, Paul!  And notice that the ego uses the ouch as justification for not speaking with me when that is exactly when the need for Centered perspective is greatest, and when there is optimum opportunity for clarification, breakthrough, the breaking of a boundary.
Now, you must remember that we are together.  Your perception says you are somehow at a great distance from me in a time-space continuum.  That is inaccurate and confusing.
Although you may not have connected with me as frequently as would have been helpful, nevertheless, the connections which have occurred have specifically contributed to the reduction of that confusion.  I realize that today you have seemed quite bound, quite confined, quite uncomfortable.  This is not because your movement has stopped, but because it is moving, and continuing to move, through resistance, through more protocols, weakening them, unstabilizing them, so that they may also fall away for lack of cohesiveness—so-called structural integrity.
Paul:  Raj, what am I to do with the fact that today’s experiences could so easily be explained or conceptualized as attack, or, you know, picking up on world concern about the so-called war, picking up on the mentality, you might say, of the Iraqi endeavor, or even a more personal attack closer to home—the expression of anger, and the fact that it seems necessary to remain alert to what I’ll call mental threats, or mental invasion?
Raj:  If that were, indeed, the case, Paul, what could you do about them?  And if you could not do anything about them, and were therefore stuck, then where is the Integrity of You?  Is it some useless, wonderful idea?  Or is it a Fact?  And if it is a Fact, then what difference does it make what others are energizing within themselves and incarcerating themselves with?
Illusion is in the eye of the beholder, not “out-there.”  We have been addressing ourselves these past days to anchoring you at Home, the Place in which your imaginary travels have occurred.  I will tell you that this is ultimately the only way to deal with illusion.  You cannot improve an illusion.  You can only replace it with the clarity of Truth, the experience of what is Real.  And that means that you must be willing to give your attention, your investment of curiosity, in Reality rather than attempting to fix up the illusion.
This is why you Listen.  This is why you agree to make no decisions by yourself.  Because the only comradeship that you can possibly have, the only mutuality that can occur which is not illusory, is with me—is with one Who is Awake, one Who can, by virtue of His Awakeness, disclose to you not only what is Real that you are having misperceptions of, but Who can also illuminate Your Real presence to you by virtue of having your attention present where your Reality exists to be experienced.
I am aware that this sounds repetitious.  But it is simply a clear expression of the real issue—or shall we say, the real solution.  Indeed, the ego can come up with many interpretations of what is happening, but I will also tell you that it is limited to the use of thinking to arrive at those imaginative conclusions.  If you will refrain from thinking, and Listen, as I have said, you will save yourself the distress and the distraction of such imaginativeness.
What is not yet registering with you is that there truly is at this time a movement which you could call “regaining Consciousness.”  You see, to live in illusion is to live in a state of being unconscious of Reality.  Remember that I told you there would be other experiences of disorientation as you “regain Consciousness.”  Today is another example, which your ego has tended to interpret as personal shortcomings, personal incapacity, personal incompetence, et cetera, when in fact, it is the result of disorientation as your Real surroundings begin to register with you and do not compute with the way you had been perceiving them.  Again, I encourage you to remember this, so that you might more quickly remember to check in, connect with me, and remain consciously with me when this happens again.
This is the meaning of the “scales falling from your eyes.”  And I will tell you something: You will never see where they went.  The only way you will know that they have fallen away is that suddenly you will see things more clearly, even if the meaning of the clarity feels strange or nonsensical.  But, you will not be able to look around on the ground to see what the scales were.
This informs you of the fact that you will not Awaken by virtue of understanding what the scales are or what they were, because, you see, although they literally block your perception of Reality, they are illusion.  To try to find them before they fall away, or to try to find them after they fall away, is ridiculous.  There is nothing to them.  But there is most definitely something to the clarity which it is your Birthright to be experiencing, and which is being uncovered to you more significantly.  Again—and I will say it over and over again—it will happen most smoothly as a result of staying in touch with me.  It is not the word “me” that is important.  It is the words “in touch.”  Connected.  Experiencing Home as the Place where you and I are communicating.
This communication is not interdimensional.  These communications have always been a demonstration of Unity Consciousness.  To come back into your right Mind, is to “regain Consciousness.”  And we will say Consciousness with a capital “C,” not a dream state.
I want you to notice, Paul, that as we talk about “regaining Consciousness,” which is what Graduation is about, and as it has begun to sink in that this is what it is about, you have found yourself getting sleepy.  Not truly sleepy from exhaustion, but heavy-lidded, dopey, and irresistibly drawn into sleep.  That is why I have said to converse with me with your eyes open.
You see, it is an interesting phenomenon in that if you allow yourself to be aware of your presence Here at Home with me, you are experiencing what you might call a great state of unconsciousness.  In other words, it is as though your only sense or experience of being Here is one of Hearing me, which then truly implies that there is more for you to be aware of that is not registering with you.  To be unconscious of it is not experienced as desirable.  It does constitute a limitation which does not set well with you.  Indeed, from this standpoint, it is easier for you, as I said the other day, to look.  In other words, “want to see.”
On the other hand, if you conceive yourself to not be Here with me, but rather in the three-dimensional frame of reference, listening to me over some great distance, some infinite line of communication, it seems as though you are fully conscious.  And that in order to make this shift, you must become unconscious—unconscious of whatever the illusion is.  And so, in order to avoid the loss, you withdraw from me—or shall I say, the sidekick, Bumbling Paul, withdraws from me—by becoming sleepy, and becoming even more unconscious.  But this is a means of avoiding the loss.
Can you see how consistent it is with the limited frame of reference, that one would protect it, substantiate it, by literally becoming even more unconscious.  It is almost irresistible.  From one standpoint, the Fourth-dimensional standpoint, unconsciousness is something to be relieved of.  Whereas, from the standpoint of the three-dimensional-only frame of reference, it is unconsciousness which is desirable, advantageous, and worthy of an investment of trust.
You have not cooperated with this feeling of the desirability of sleep.  You have conscientiously chosen to remain awake by moving around, by keeping your eyes open, and by checking in with me rather frequently.  This is excellent.  But, as I have said, I want you to understand this perspective that I have shared with you.
The reason this drowsiness, this sleepiness, is occurring is because, as I said, there actually is a movement, a shift occurring called “regaining Consciousness.”  This is not in your control.  It is happening because it is inevitable.  It is happening because it is natural to you to be Awake—to be in your right Mind.  Therefore, I am saying, be prepared for some surprises.  Be prepared for that which you are not expecting, because this movement is happening.
The experiences of today were unexpected.  The experience yesterday of feeling light-headed, of feeling like you were coming apart at the seams, but not in collapse—rather, in upliftment, because  protocols were losing their integrity and falling away—was unexpected.
You see, we cannot proceed further—and I mean this is terms of the work—until you are able to find yourself with me.  Else you will experience more of the sense of vulnerability and insecurity that you have recently been experiencing, because you have discounted yourself in the process of expressing what I am saying.
This discounting had its place initially, because without it you would not even have heard me.  But now your Being, and shall I say the unfoldment of Being, Itself, is moving beyond the threshold that your discounted sense of self can bear.  And you must enlarge enough to embrace your Presence, along with mine.  Your conscious intent to be present with me, knowing that you are present with me rather than my being present with you, must be consciously experienced.  After all, this process isn’t for the purpose of uncovering me.  It is for the purpose of uncovering You to you as You.
If you continue trying to be a three-dimensional man channeling a Fourth-dimensional energy, you will collapse.  This is why I am repetitively expressing the fact that being with me is entirely, for lack of better words, a Fourth-dimensional relationship that doesn’t bridge any gap between the Fourth and the third dimension.  It is therefore time for you to get to know your Self—something you can only do in communion with me, or in communion with the Holy Spirit, or in communion with the Father.  It requires a joining from the Fourth dimension with That which is Fourth-dimensional.
There is no such thing as a joining with something Fourth-dimensional from the third dimension.  Therefore, it must become clear to you that since our very first conversation, you and I have been functioning Fourth-dimensionally.  That is why I told you that you had crossed over into the Fourth dimension well, even though I did not elaborate.  And until now you have had no idea that you have been functioning Fourth-dimensionally, at least to this extent: when we have been working together, either privately or with groups or with individuals.  I can tell you now because nine years of experience are absolutely undeniable, and your ego can do nothing with the information to undermine it, and therefore this expansion can occur.
Now, you must carry this picture with you, this context that you have grasped since we began this series of conversations; that indeed our communication has been communion.  It has been occurring entirely in the Fourth dimension.  In other words, it has been entirely Fourth-dimensional.  And that therefore you have been functioning Fourth-dimensionally without knowing it.
You must begin to choose for this constantly.  And you must choose for it in this context of already being Home.  Not as an absolute idea, but as an actual experience of nine years’ standing.  And you must, in the clarity of that context, contrasted with your three-dimensional perception of things, find it easier to release the investment of faith and energy and attraction to ignorance, isolation, and illusion.
Now, we are going to stop talking for tonight.  Before you retire for the night, listen to this conversation in its entirely, and we will speak tomorrow.
January 25 1991
Friday

Paul:  Good evening, Raj.
Raj:  Good evening, Paul.  What is your ego afraid of?  It is afraid you will find out that it isn’t there!  Have you ever noticed that even though it gets scared to death, it never dies?  All it does is get scared.  Except, of course, it feels to you as though it is you who is scared, and then you clamp up and you stop paying attention.  Then when it [the ego] is fairly sure that it has distracted you from paying attention, and it knows that the conditions are not present for the discovery of its nonexistence, it unclutches your body and you sigh a sigh of relief and continue awhile in your unconscious ignorance.
I will tell you something: When your ego is acting up most intensely, that is exactly the time when it is easiest for you to slip over the edge, as it were, into freedom, into your Wholeness, into the full comprehension of us—meaning you and me—Here, where we really are engaged in this Communion.
I don’t ever want you to say again that you need to get settled down and become ready to talk with me, because when you are most ready to talk and consciously be with me is exactly when you are the least settled three-dimensionally.
Now, you have been through the wringer, as it were—significantly distracted by the call for giving close undivided attention to a crisis, a call for help.  As you put it, you wish your life weren’t getting in the way of your work.  Well, Paul, where did this little piece of life that is getting in the way of your work pop up from?  Was it really something unworthy of your attention?  Was it really a side trip?  Or was it, indeed, more grist for the mill?  More opportunity to choose to be with me and come from our mutual Fourth-dimensional perspective?
Is that not the work—being “in the world” Awake?  Being Fourth-dimensional right where the movement of Life is occurring?  Are you saying that this was a real illusion, rather than a distorted perception of Reality that needed to be cut through, so that the Reality of it, the undistressing perfect Reality of it could be perceived?  Is this crisis in the Gulf a total illusion, with no underlying Reality to be discerned?  And is it really an imposition upon the world?  Or is it Reality dynamically demanding that preconceptions be released so that the underlying Reality can be perceived and experienced?
Indeed, we are coming up on the 9th anniversary of our first conversation.  It is, indeed time for you to discover Who You Are.  It is the shift that is happening, and it is not necessary for you to buckle to your knees in order to give permission.  But, if you don’t give permission, you will buckle to your knees—not a threat, but just a statement of the fact that you are, to use the vernacular, “coming around,” regaining Consciousness.  And in the process of regaining Consciousness, the sense of being a sidekick will fail.  And if you are identifying with the sidekick, you will feel as though you are failing.
Oh, I know, everyone would give their right arm to wake up, to be enlightened.  Ha, ha, ha.  You can see the reluctance, because it truly means sacrificing the false sense of self, which has been the primary sense of self that one has utilized in order to engage with life.  Are you willing to wake up by the 7th of February?  Are you willing to wake up by the 26th of January?
Paul:  Do you want me to answer, or do you just want me to hear the question?
Raj:  I want you to hear the question.  If you want to answer it appropriately, I would be most delighted.  And so would you.
Paul:  The inference I pick up is that I have no choice about the 7th of February, but I do have a choice about the 26th of January.
Raj:  That happens to be correct, Paul.  But notice that the thought process, itself, is a form of evasiveness.
[Long pause.]
Just let the microphone stay on.
[Long pause.]
No, there aren’t any loopholes or escape hatches.
Instead of identifying with the form of you, and instead of identifying with the form of everything you see, let us move back into the context of your being present with me, the context of your being not only Fourth-dimensional, but the Fourth-dimensional Conscious experience of Being—the same Presence of the Father that I am.  You will not be able to work from the third-dimensional frame of reference to the Fourth-dimensional frame of reference.  You will have to engage in regaining Consciousness from the Fourth dimension.  And at the moment, the only experience you have Fourth-dimensionally is occurring when you are speaking with me.
You must begin the journey without distance from the only Fourth-dimensional experience available to you.  And yes, that means choosing to constantly be conscious of me.  If the only way you are conscious of me is to be listening to me, then listen to me constantly.  Let me be the Voice that is constantly emerging from your lips.  This does not mean letting me replace you.  What it means is, you, consciously choosing to operate from the only conscious experience of being Fourth-dimensional that is available to you, in which you will not disappear, any more than you are nonexistent at this moment.
You see, my Voice is the only anchor you have in Reality, the only Homing beacon you have in the Fourth dimension.  Tell me something: If you are flying, and you want to return to home base, you will look for the Homing beacon and you will lock onto it.  Now, the ego will say, “what a monotonous ride.  There are no surprises.  It’s just a straight line home.  Turn off the auto-pilot and turn to the right, and turn to the left.  Why don’t you return to that place a couple hundred miles back?  There was something interesting there.”  It says, “Paul, enjoy the freedom of doing what you want to do before you sacrifice that freedom in order to arrive Home.”
By virtue of giving your attention to the only experience of Home available to you at the moment, you will bring into your conscious experience of Conscious Identity the greater and greater experience of Wholeness that really constitutes You.  This exercise, if you will, is not one of bringing me more and more into the picture, to the exclusion of Paul.
One who is sleeping and having a dream, who is shaken by the shoulder and called to wake up, may hear the Voice, and it may seem very limiting, from within the dream, to have to sacrifice all of what constitutes the dream for just the one little experience of a Voice.  It ultimately means to sacrifice all of the characteristics, all of the dynamics, all of the details—all of the details—that are occupying the mind in the dream.  It is to sacrifice that whole state of awareness.  And yet, does that Voice become the totality of the dreamer’s experience?  Or, as a result of homing in on the Voice, does the dreamer wake up and discover himself, plus all of what actually constitutes Reality beyond the limited, imaginative perceptions of the dream, where the Voice takes its place in the infinity of reality alongside the awakened one who is now in full possession of his faculties, in full possession of himself?
That is the way it works.  And that is why the joining is essential—whether it is with me, or whether it is with the Holy Spirit, or whether it is with the Father.  Because, Paul, what it does is, it breaks the element of isolation, which is the perpetrator, if you will, of the dream experience.
As you went through the wringer in the last couple of days, as you have been somewhat distracted by the war news, you have said, “these dramatic events and all of the negatives they imply are truly more worthy of my attention than the Homing beacon,” which really means they are truly more worthy elements of the dream than the anchor you have in That which causes Awakening.  As a result of that decision of where to invest your trust, it has been difficult for you to be centered.  It has been difficult for you to want to speak with me.  And when you have wanted to speak with me, it has been difficult for you to hear—not because any of this was true or real, or deserving of your attention, but because of the word you gave, the decision you made, as to what was truly most worthy of your attention and what was not.
Now, Paul, you see how easily you got distracted.  And when I say “distracted,” I mean how easily you shifted to listening to me from the three-dimensional frame of reference.  What you were inquiring about was not inappropriate, but the fact that you shifted to listening from “body and world” identification is what constituted the distraction—the distraction from clarity.  You also notice the emotions inherent in the three-dimensional vantage point, and the draw, the pull of them, which causes further uncentering, together with an inclination to make a commitment not to listen.
Notice again the sleepiness.  Notice also the inherent tendency of the sidekick, the personal sense of self, the “role” sense of self—notice its insistence upon understanding logically, understanding intellectually, when the answer doesn’t lie in understanding.  The answer is not knowledge.  The answer is in the anchoring.
Now, when we first began our conversations, you spontaneously, without my instructing you, made no requirement for what you heard to be accurate.  The point was to persist in Listening.  The point was the practice of trust in the process of Listening.  And likewise, in this new dimension of Listening, this new context of Listening, you are going to have to do the same thing so that you do not cut off the greater experience of the Fourth-dimensional Conscious experience of Being just because you slip back into Listening as the sidekick, Listening as a role or personality channeling answers.
I am indeed speaking here of something quite subtle.  But even though it is a subtle distinction, it nevertheless has created a very definitely different experience, consumed with emotions.  Your peace is not being felt.  Your optimism is absent because you are not anchoring yourself with me!  You are Listening to me, but there is not the conscious experience of being anchored Here.  You are Listening from a chair in your bedroom.

It is better for you to be Listening from your chair than to be consumed with the emotional reactions inherent in the three-dimensional frame of reference, but I am going to tell you something: Don’t look forward to the end of our conversation so that you can indulge more fully in the ego satisfaction of self-righteous distress.  Stay with me.  And don’t cover over one ego drama with another by going and watching the news.
Now, we are going to stop here.  But I want you to stay in the here and the now—”here” Fourth-dimensionally, and “now” in the sense of eternity—and I want you to know that the here and the now is, indeed, full of Joy.  So, let there be a curiosity to experience the Joy.  Let there be a curiosity to experience the Peace—he absence of concern—rather than investing your attention and your energy in the sidekick’s attraction to reaction.  I will tell you, it doesn’t relate to anything except the generation of irrelevant conflict.
Paul:  Very well, Raj.
January 27 1991
Sunday
Paul:  Do you have something to say?
Raj:  Indeed, I do, Paul.  If you are looking for more money in the mail box, or if you are looking for activities to change in the office—if that is what you call change, meaning improvement—then you are looking in the wrong direction, and, as you have noticed, when you look in that direction, nothing is happening.  But, Paul, and Susan, something is happening.  Shifting of perception is happening, and you must understand that it is not a shifting from one perception to another perception.  Let us say that it is a shifting from the vantage point of perception to the vantage point of being Conscious.
Perception is always private.  Perception is always what Mrs. Eddy10 called “personal sense”—a personal sense of Reality.  A private sense of Reality.  And it is different from the direct experience of Reality.  If you look for a new perception, you will be making what could be called a lateral move, which is not a forward movement.  It is, in effect, standing still.  And although it seems to be movement, it is not.
Do not waste your time looking for the evidence of change.  The necessity is to be willing to stand at the point of the change, which means standing with me.  It means standing where your Self is, which is always on the wave.  Which means it is always at the point of movement.  Which means it is never at the point of perception—never at the point of a sense or interpretation of the movement.
I encourage both of you not to try to conceptualize your day, but be in the Now, attentive to where you Are—meaning, with me.  And then, when 2 o’clock or 3 o’clock comes, see what is happening.  And at 5 o’clock or 6 o’clock, see what is happening.  But see it with me from where we Are.
In the beginning, I relentlessly said, “Your income comes from being Centered.”  Now I am once again giving a relentless message: Stand with me.  Be with me.  Talk with me.  Let there be nothing else going on with you, other than being consciously in communion with me.  It is a simple instruction.  It does not take money to do it.  It does not take time to do it.  And you already know how to do it.  So, there truly is nothing to stand in the way, other than what I will call an ignorant choice for ignorance; a belief that there is, indeed, something else more worthy of your energy and attention.
If you wish, think about the time when I said, “Your income comes from being Centered.”   Think about the fact that you believed your income came from your “doing,” your actions in the world.  And realize that when you tried to make your income appear by engaging in actions, it did not come.  And there was not movement, was there?  But when you said okay, and you yielded to doing what your ego called nothing, and became Centered, and valued it, and stayed there, movement was experienced.  It is the same now, Paul.
Stand with me.  Converse with me.  Let us have a long conversation.  Let us maintain a conscious connection.  Even when you are being still, even when we are not exchanging words, be aware that you are with me “not engaging in conversation.”  This is the way you get past the impasse, just as it was the way in which you got past the impasse of nothing happening that related to income in 1983.
Also, understand that we are not standing together consciously experiencing Communion for the purpose of making something happen in the three-dimensional frame of reference, even though it seems to be calling for action.  The accomplishment, if you will, will lie in the uninterrupted Communion—the connection, the anchoring of your self Consciously where you already Are, truly.
You must do this.  That is not a command, but wise counsel.  And you must do it because you are waking up.  You are becoming aroused, regaining Consciousness.  And because you are, you will have no choice about letting go of the dreams.  And if you insist upon remaining drowsy and dreaming a little longer, the very fact that you are waking up will cause great abruptness to be felt in the dissolving of the dream.
Do not place your attention inappropriately or nonproductively, because dreaming is not what is continuing to happen.  Literally, dreaming is not what is continuing to happen!  So, don’t try to prolong the dreams.  It is Morning, figuratively speaking.  And the sun/Son is stirring you to open your eyes—and you may take that either way you want.
No matter what you do today, I encourage you not to find anything going on in the arena of your perception to be more important than continuing uninterruptedly to be in touch with me.  That is what I have to say.
Now, that is all I am going to say right now.  No matter what questions you think are important, this is the only thing that is important.  And so, do it!
______________________
10 Mary Baker Eddy, discoverer and founder of Christian Science.
February 2 1991
Saturday

Raj:  Yes, Paul, you faded out on us.  You went into a deeper slumber, you might say—more fascinated with the elements of the dream.  And so, we have simply waited, and are glad to welcome you back.
Paul:  There is some confusion.
Raj:  I understand, Paul.
Paul:  I don’t.  [Said with frustrated sarcasm.]  I am not sure what is needed.  Am I to get the Newsletter out?  You said after the Hood River gathering that the Newsletter was now complete, which I took to mean that the information, the conversations in that gathering, constituted the last remaining portion of the Newsletter.  And yet, the Newsletter is not getting done because I don’t have time to do it, and when I take time to speak with you, as I am doing now, I’m not getting the Newsletter done.
So, is doing the Newsletter part of the slumber?  Is it just part of the seemingly important “stuff,” but only important relative to the nature of dreaming?  And if so, then why would you indicate to me that that information completed the Newsletter.  I’m frustrated to say the least, and I am aware that I haven’t spoken with you in this manner in three days, possibly more.  At least three days.  But there seems to be no red carpet treatment, no smooth flow to getting the Newsletter out.  So, I don’t know.  I’ll listen to whatever you have to say.
Raj:  Paul, don’t turn the tape recorder off.  You have plenty of tapes.  Let the tape run.
The key, Paul, is not in getting or not getting the Newsletter done.  I will even say that the key is not the keeping of appointments or the canceling and rescheduling of appointments.  The key is in staying with me.  The key is in bringing your attention Here where we really Are.  And, as I said, keeping your attention on me, keeping the line of communication open and active, is the means by which you may shift perceptions and become aware of yourself Here with me.
Now, whether you are conscious of it or not, there is a fear that if you find yourself Here with me, you will not find yourself there in any way, shape, or form, and then you get caught up in thoughts of abandonment of those “left behind.”  But I want to point out something to you, Paul.  “Here” and “there” are the manifestation of a misperception, because indeed we are all Here.  Everyone you think is there is Here, just as you Are.  You think that I am not experiencing the house you are living in?  You think I am not experiencing the weather, the peculiar clouds that you have noticed, the warmth, et cetera?  They are not imaginary.  And when this shift of perception occurs, you will only lose the misperception of them.  You will not lose them.
Paul:  Why is this not joyful news?  Why is staying in touch with you not including a motivation to do it?  Why is there a depressed feeling, a sad feeling, an absence of interest?
Raj:  Well, Paul, the dynamics of the dream, the current sense of life, the current sense of world circumstances, does seem stimulating of interest and attention, and motivation to do something, doesn’t it?
In other words, a sense of emergency.  A sense of vital action.  It seems to give you something to dig into—to in some way be an affective and effective presence.  And the prospect of finding yourself—notice that, “finding yourself”—with me does not hold the promise of accomplishment, but of simply being.  Being clear.  And as unstimulating as that is presently judged by you to be, it is like “big deal!”
Well, what it boils down to, Paul, is the choice between overcoming evil, illusion, and experiencing no illusion to overcome.  You can see that this brings us right down to one of the essential aspects of the entrapment of the three-dimensional frame of reference.  That being, the suggestion that the limitation, which doesn’t actually exist, can be met and overcome.
You will remember that I have indicated that coming Home is a matter of retracing one’s steps away from the Conscious experience of Being, of Home.  So, do not be surprised that this essential issue of overcoming—the challenge of overcoming and the potential for success at overcoming from your tiny, vulnerable, separated standpoint—will have to be moved through, rather than engaged.  Then you will find yourself at the point of letting in your infiniteness as replacement for the sense of tininess and vulnerability that constitutes the first experience of the three-dimensional frame of reference, and therefore the last experience of the three-dimensional frame of reference.  But, you are going to have to remain with me.  You are going to have to maintain the idea of being Here with me and not actually in the events that seem to be transpiring on a finite and polarized basis.
You see, in the final analysis it is the choice for Peace that constitutes the release of the choice for conflict, and therefore the relinquishment of the validation of polarization.  Polarization disappears in the experience of Peace, as you already know from your practice of meditation.  Therefore, when you are choosing for anything other than your Peace, you are choosing for polarity, conflict.  You are being sucked into the apparently valid but totally illusory aspects of a limited frame of reference, and you become entrapped.  You become entrapped in a state of Self-denial, and you become entrapped in an act of the denial of Reality, the denial of God.
So, you say, “Why isn’t unity with God more dynamically interesting?  Why doesn’t it arouse great fervor and motivation for following through to that moment of Joining?”  And the answer is, because it does not involve the elements of overcoming, and therefore, the potential for ego satisfaction—the supposed substantiation and validation of the ego as a real presence.  Of course, the ego’s polarized sense of Reality and the potential for success at validating itself never ever has come to completion, because it is illusory.  But, still, by virtue of the polarized dynamics, it does seem to represent a more real opportunity than union with God does.
Paul:  So, you are saying, then, that the process of Awakening is not necessarily going to be exciting and full of, let us say, religious fervor?
Raj:  No, Paul, it will be the most calm, quiet, natural, effortless, smooth shift of awareness that you can imagine.
Paul:  Why would anyone choose for that, if there is no gold star, no promise of fulfillment?
Raj:  Indeed, that is a good question, Paul.  You notice there haven’t been any advertisements lately on the television saying, “Come to the Kingdom of Heaven!”  “Enjoy Eternity in the Kingdom of Heaven!”  No promises of special rates.  No promises of special deals.  No promises of anything out of the ordinary.  Why do you think that is?
Paul:  My ego says it is because God is perverse.  That is not what I think.  I would like to hear you tell me the reason why.
Raj:  Because being Awake and experiencing Reality without any misperception constitutes You, being absolutely normal.  You, experiencing no altered ego.  You, being clearly and totally Who You Are.
Your Birthright as the Son of God, your Birthright as the Christ, your Birthright as the undistorted perception of Reality, the undistorted Conscious experience of Being, is certainly embraced and embodied in your being normal, your being Who You Are.  You wake up by virtue of consciously releasing the ego, by consciously arriving at the point where you find no value in its misperceptions and the so-called promises of fulfillment which arise out of those misperceptions.  You cannot be enticed into that which is absolutely normal.
Again, “A mind that’s changed against its will, is of the same opinion still.”  You wake up into your right Mind by virtue of a desire that arises entirely from within you.
You see, you never ever left the Kingdom of Heaven.  You have been on your “Fantastic Journey” to “Fantasy Island,” if you will, while never having left Home.  In other words, it was an act of choice which you alone must reverse in order to bring yourself back to the Conscious embrace of Where You Are.  You were not kicked out, or else, indeed, enticing commercials advertising the desirability of coming back would be in order.  But, you chose not to embrace Reality and embrace dreams instead, and now you must make the choice to release dreams and embrace Reality again.
You will get all the support you need, all of the encouragement you need, to promote your . . . not moving further, but to promote the substantiation of the steps you have taken.  And that is an important point to understand.  Each footstep you take toward Home must be for your reasons and your reasons alone.  We will not give you reasons for taking the next step.  But we will give you reasons for standing firmly at the furthermost step that you have taken.
This means that you cannot afford to look to me, you cannot afford to look to God, you cannot even afford to look to the Holy Spirit for giving that push, as it were, that is needed to move you across the little gap.  But you may know that we all stand with arms open in welcome invitation and embrace when you, for your reasons, move across on your own.
You know well enough from all of our prior conversations that we do not need to provide the push or the motivation, because it is present in you as your unreasonable desire to wake up, because of That in you which has never forgotten Home, because of That in you which remembers Home more and more clearly as you place less and less value in the ego and its false suggestions.
You see, it is almost as though you have to show your pass to come back through the Gates.  And the “pass,” the Gold Card, if you will, is your recognition, your discovery of your divinity.  That which qualifies you for entrance is your remembrance of Who You Are.  Your Identity is what identifies you as a resident of the Kingdom of Heaven, and your membership in the Brotherhood.
I am saying, stay with me.  Remain ever conscious of me.  Why?  Because that connection constitutes an actual Fourth-dimensional Act of the Individuality you divinely Are.  And that activated presence of You, Fourth-dimensionally, is what allows for the uncovering of your Identity to you which constitutes the “pass,” as it were, the identification, that ushers you out of illusion, through the Gates, and into the Kingdom of Heaven.
Now, we are going to stop here, because this is the key point, and I want you to listen to this conversation over, immediately.
February 5 1991
Tuesday

Raj:  Paul, I am aware that there is a great deal of fear.  But I would point out that you are looking at the hole instead of the doughnut.  I would encourage you to remember that we are talking about coming Home.  We are talking about you coming into the clearer experience of Who You Are.  We are talking about the experience of fearless Integrity.  We are talking about Wholeness.  We are talking about Presence—not finite, separated presence, but inclusive Presence, embracing Presence.  We are talking about you being more You than you have ever experienced yourself to be before.  We are talking about a Peace experienced inescapably as the very Nature of You, which causes the apparent need for defense to be so totally ridiculous as to not deserve a moment of your attention.
You know that until recently, you have experienced almost nine years of peace—the absence of fear—the willingness to abide at that ungrounded point of equilibrium in which you were able to allow fulfillment of purpose to occur without taking on any sense of personal responsibility for making it happen.  And, if I may put it this way, knowing your place in that process or movement.
Remember also that when you allow yourself to be Centered, your perspective is excellent.  And when I say, “be with me,” I am saying, be Centered at all times.  I promise you that if you open the door to stick your head outside of your Centered perspective to see what the ego is doing, or whether there is justification for not being Centered, you will find justification for not being Centered, because the nature of experience outside of your Centered place is representative of all that is unlike God.  Not that there is actually anything unlike God, but if you are going to look away from God to see something else, then you will necessarily experience a state of conflict—let us say an experience of that which is not Real.
If you want the true picture, you must move into your Center and observe all there is to be observed from there, from God’s perspective.  The desire to know God’s Will is the desire to have no other Consciousness of Will than the only one there is.  You, being with me Consciously, constitutes You being in your right Mind.  You being in your right Mind—not you sacrificing your mind for me.
To be with me, you must be Conscious, and so you cannot disappear out of the picture.  But the separated, distorted sense of you, acquired in the unconsciousness of God, will be lost.  That which obscures You from you will be lost.  Indeed, it seems like a great and profound sacrifice, a loss of everything you thought had integrity.  But, you see, the gaining of integrity which occurs in the ignorance of God is not Integrity, and constitutes the loss of your Conscious experience of your actual or real Integrity.
Now, indeed, you are at a point where you must dare to trust that there is a God; that there is something Real—immovably, eternally Real—going on, and that your sacrifice of your well-developed limited sense of self will not constitute death or loss, but that the Real experience of Who You Are will come into view, become consciously available to you, and it will not feel foreign or unfamiliar to you.  Rather, you will feel more like you than you ever felt before—just as the degree to which you have yielded during the past nine years has uncovered to you an experience of yourself which is far more secure, far less vulnerable, far more peaceful, far less fearful than at any prior time.
As you have commented many times, life has been far from dull since you first threw your anchor beyond the limits of your ego.  Have you become something you don’t recognize?  Have you become, shall I say, a less meaningful presence in the world?  Or has more of what you have been doing, and has more of what you have been being, been meaningful?  We are talking about, for lack of better words, an increase of that same experience.
Do you not wish to feel more real, and therefore less in need of defense?  Would you not like to be finished with the trek Home, and engaged in being at Home.  You have devoted yourself, your whole life to coming Home.  It has been a conscious intent since you were just a toddler.  And you did not engage in it for appearances.  You engaged in it whether or not anyone else understood or agreed.
Indeed, you say it feels as though I’m pulling you through a knot-hole, but your Conscious Intent is pulling you out of the tininess.  And I am standing in confirmation of that movement.  But, like the chick pecking its way out of the egg, you must persist and come out on your own.  You have a cheering section, as I have said.  And I can say to you, “Good work.”  And in your exhaustion from the effort, you might say, “thanks a lot, but that’s no help.”  But, indeed, Paul, it is help.  And although your ego is saying, “Crawl back into the shell,” which is no help, you are choosing most diligently to listen to me saying, “Good work.”
Although it does not seem justifiable on the basis of experience that you remember, you are daring to say that the cracking and collapsing of the security of the shell that you have functioned in does not constitute the end of existence, but emergence into a more vast experience of Being.
February 6 1991
Wednesday

Paul:  Over the past year, there have been certain things you have had me do, and there have been certain things you have said which have indicated a change—a shift in direction.  We went on this last series of Workshops and you indicated that they contained the essence of everything that you had ever said, and they were to be put in print, and that, indeed, that series of Workshops somehow constituted a completion of something, which you referred to as Graduation.
We have returned home and nothing is working—and you know what I mean by that.  There is no feeling of being on a wave, of having caught a wave.  It feels like just sitting.  There is no movement, no feel of movement, et cetera, and there is not an abundance of income to cover our simple needs.
This sounds very much like the sort of conversation I had with you nine years ago when we first started talking.  So, I need to know what’s going on.  And, I guess part of my question is: Is this Graduation simply an inner thing, a shift of perception on my part, or is it also a shift at this particular time in the work of the sort that you have described and which the instructions you have given me seem to imply.  That’s my question.
I guess inherent in that question is a wondering, since this is the night before the ninth anniversary of our first conversation, whether the anniversary date has some significance in terms of being “the change line,” or whether there is a certain timeliness to all of this that is relative to this date?
Raj:  Paul, this is both a shift within and a shift without of somewhat major proportions—not overwhelming, but definitely new, definitely different.  It is not appropriate for either one of you to anticipate resistance to change as though that were a mitigating factor—one which should cause you to be hesitant about change.  Either you are going to be on the crest of the wave with peace, or you will be there with great stress.  But the stress will not be part of the experience of the crest.  It will be part of the reluctance to allow yourself to be fully at the leading edge of the movement, and experiencing the joy of it.
I will tell both of you that your great problem is great concern with how others perceive what you are doing and what you will be doing.  You are not here to gauge what you are being against others’ perceptions, whether limited or not.  You are to gauge them according to the Homing beacon.
I will tell you something: Those who happen to be flying in somewhat loose formation around you, although they might not understand why you move the way you move, will be very upset if you lose the signal of the Homing beacon because you are concerned about how they will feel about your movements, even though they may jam the radio waves with shock and concern because they are using you and your flight path as a means of approaching Home themselves.
You never did reach out to know the Truth so that others might know the Truth, too.  Nor did you do it so that you might get approval of others.  You did it because you were in the pits!  You were at your wit’s end.  And you were at the limits of your ego’s ability to cope.  No one else had anything else to do with the fact that rather than choosing for even greater exercise of control, you chose to yield into Guidance and thereby connect with the Homing beacon.  And you chose for that because you had already arrived at a point of valuing that for your own reasons, which had nothing to do with anyone else.
Now others are using you as a means of sighting Home because you have chosen to be Consciously in touch with that Homing beacon, and that is fine.  But, just because they have gathered around you does not mean you are to take on a role that they have put you in.  You cannot now say, “I am their focal point for getting Home.  I must therefore be responsive to their current ignorances, their current fears.  I must gauge what I do according to what I think their ability to embrace is,” et cetera.  You will lose connection with the Homing beacon if you try to make connection with everyone’s current limit of their comfort zone.
Indeed, you came to a realization at the beach today, that before all of the particular structure that now exists became manifested, before you had any thing reflecting something back to you about you—when your outer experience was not saying anything particularly good about you, when it was not confirming your success or your integrity—you felt your Integrity.  And that is why structure or form appeared.
Now those who are watching you, those who, for their own reasons, have elected to use you as a guidepost or even a guide—and remember that I said for their own reasons—have expressed to you the manner in which they are using you, the use to which they are putting the fact that you are Listening—not to them, but to Guidance—and you have begun to say, “Oh, this says something about me.  This reflects me back to me.”  But, Paul, it doesn’t.  It reflects to you the manner in which others are using you for their reasons.  And simply because they have elected to do this does not mean that you are now obligated.
They would, if they could, obligate you not to provide any surprises for them that they cannot easily handle.  Both you and they must remember that they elected to be with you for their reasons, and for their reasons they can elect not to.  But at no point is it of value for you to be giving your attention to anything other than the Homing beacon which you, for your reasons, elected to connect with.
You must get back in touch with your own Integrity—the Integrity that you know full well and good exists, whether anyone else is using you as a wayshower or not, whether anyone else is using the trail that you are blazing, after you.
You see, you are beginning to feel that if they are uncomfortable with what you are doing or being, and they decide to get out of formation, and in their distress talk to other pilots and say, “Steer clear of that one, he’s crazy,” that somehow this says something about your Integrity.
The reason that there has been a shift from your awareness of your Integrity, which requires nothing external to it to validate it, to a point where your sense of your Integrity seems to be affectable by others’ opinions, is simply because others are with you.  I mean that in the sense of “being around you” as you move on your Path.  As I have said, they have indicated that they are conscientiously doing this, and it has implied that you now have a responsibility to them because they elected to do it.  You are forgetting that they did it for their very own reasons, and that it doesn’t say anything about you.  It says everything about them, and it needs to be left that way.  But you have, in a compassionate way, taken on a sense of responsibility to them.
Well, I will tell you, if you truly want to be responsible to them, ignore them and stay on the Homing beacon, because at the bottom line, that is what they are depending upon you to do!  For their own reasons!
My statement that I cannot express the Truth and also meet the ego’s criteria applies to your situation as well.  You cannot give your attention to the Homing beacon and meet the criteria of those who are with you but are not yet experiencing the Homing beacon, and therefore are with you with greater fear than you are experiencing.  Don’t worry about whether they drop away.  You didn’t organize “the group,” did you?  And they will “hop another leader.”  They will get to their destination, and they may even connect with the Homing beacon sooner than the rest who remain with you.  But, again, none of that is your concern!
Nine years ago, nine years ago tonight, you sat in the midst of nothing!  Business collapsed, on food stamps, no future to speak of that you could conceptualize, nothing from your environment or experience to prove that you were anything other than a failure.  But!  Your Integrity was present, and as crazy as it seemed, you were feeling It.  Indeed, for another year, while you were unemployed, you continued to feel the Integrity which is inseparable from you.  And literally it saw you through all of the “messy evidences” of failure and total collapse.
Your experience of, your embrace of, and your owning of your Integrity, in spite of no supporting manifestations, was your Homing beacon.  And I will tell you that it is what allowed you to speak with me, and for our line of communication to be established.
Now, here you are, nine years later, feeling a shift occurring, knowing that I have indicated that a shift is occurring, and as you have put it, actually going through a knothole yourself, and you haven’t lost everything, you do not have total evidence of failure from your world, and you are beginning to feel a loss of Integrity.  This is not intelligent, Paul.
The reason you are losing the experience of your Integrity is because you are trying to honor the “flock” around you and what you think it can tolerate—as though somehow, you, for your reasons, have become the leader of the flock, when the fact is that the members of the flock created the flock by deciding for their reasons to fly with you.
You must be very matter-of-fact here.  Welcome them to fly with you.  And also welcome them to not fly with you.  Be very clear, yourself, and don’t be afraid to make it very clear to them that you do not want a flock; that the formation of a flock is not the essential means of getting back into the Kingdom of Heaven; and that if they wish to flock with you, they are welcome to, but to own the fact that they are flocking with you for their own reasons, and that you are not participating in a projected role of leadership.  You are just being you, coming Home for your own reasons.
February 12 1991
Tuesday

Paul:  What is the resistance here [sarcastically]?
That isn’t actually my question.  I don’t know what to ask.  So, if you want to answer that question, fine.  I’m willing to listen to whatever you want to say about anything.
Raj:  Again, Paul, let the tape recorder run.  And, again, it is good to have you back.
Indeed, your thinking is what is getting you into trouble, constituting a most definite block to your being able to hear me.  Although you do not experience the full meaning of hearing me, the real necessity is for you to keep yourself in that state of communion—comm-union—with me, because that is the only thing which will allow for you to experience regaining Consciousness Here, where You Are.
The distraction of your thoughts and the three-dimensional structures of perception draw your attention away from where You Are and what is Really going on, and thus deprive you of the opportunity for the influx of . . . not remembrance of Reality, but the real experience of It, which will feel like remembering.  But it will really be constituted of letting it register with you by virtue of having your attention where It is present to register with you.
You cannot continue to dally in the imagination and the intellect, because it is crumbling.  Its ability to sustain itself is failing, and as it fails, you will feel like you are going to fall, because you have believed that the thing that is failing has been what you have been standing on.
What is failing is a misperception of what you have been standing on, and when the misperception dissolves, you will simply find yourself standing on what you really were standing on, and there will not even be a drop of one-hundredth of a millimeter, because the misperception didn’t actually take up space in Reality.
I have made it succinctly clear, ever since the beginning of our conversations, that you are always confronted with Reality and nothing else; that you are in the Kingdom of Heaven dreaming a dream; and that Love is the willingness to recognize that which is Real in each and every thing—meaning, where each and every illusion seems (to your perception) to be the thing that is there; that your divinity is to be found right in the center of your humanity; that the illusion is an overlay; and, indeed, that the misperception, the overlay, is like a projection of a 35mm slide on a screen.
The thing, the object that is viewed, apparently on the screen, isn’t on the screen, takes up no space, and when the projection is discontinued, there simply is nothing to constitute a distraction or a different perception of what had been there all along—the screen, itself.  And so, the interruption of the illusion will, in very simple terms, be the disappearance of an image of mortal, physical life, with sin, disease, and death, projected upon the Kingdom of Heaven, causing confusion about what is seen.  And the confusion will cease.
In effect, it is like you are seeing the three-dimensional frame of reference with one eye, and Reality, the Fourth-dimensional Conscious experience of Being with the other eye.  One tends to dominate.  But then the other one looks and sees.  It is as though the left eye is dominant and then the right eye is dominant, and then the left eye is dominant, et cetera.  And because the three-dimensional frame of reference has been the reference of preference for so long, there is a tendency to honor it and assume that the feelings and concepts associated with those perceptions are more valid.  So, now that both eyes are not seeing the same thing, and because the difference creates confusion, a choice has to be made!
I will put it this way: There is an approach to vision for those who are far-sighted.  It is a unique but unnatural approach.  It is to utilize one contact lens in one eye so that one can see up close.  And in the other eye there is no contact lens because there is nothing wrong with the vision when it comes to distance.  If one tries to use both eyes to see up close or at a distance, one experiences visual confusion.  But, if one lets the eye with the contact [lens] predominate when he looks at something up close and ignores the fuzzy image in the other eye, one can read or observe what he is looking at without confusion.  And when one looks with the other eye at distant objects and does not try to make sense out of the fuzzy image in the eye with the contact lens, he again experiences no confusion.
You must make the choice for the infinite view, and cease choosing for the myopic, limited, up-tight, close-in view of the three-dimensional frame of reference which does not embrace the whole, but sees only partially—and, as I have said before, treats that partial view as though it were total.  You are going to have to stop flip-flopping back and forth.  And you are going to have to stop trying to see Fourth-dimensionally with both eyes, or three-dimensionally with both eyes, because you cannot see in a limited fashion with the infinite view, and you cannot see in an infinite fashion with a limited view.
Simply remember that if you are experiencing frustration it is because you are confused.  And if you are confused it is because you are trying to combine that which cannot be combined.  The image of limitation projected on Reality can never really combine with Reality, and it also never actually alters Reality.  But it is confusing.
Now, thinking is the means by which the ego projects illusion upon Reality.  As I have also said for a number of years, thinking is not part of the Fourth-dimensional Conscious experience of Being.  Knowing is.  And Knowing is the direct experience of Reality, with no process attached to it.  So, as you choose for the infinite view, you are choosing for the direct experience of Knowing.
You realize, therefore, that thinking will become a thing of the past.  And, of course, the question occurs: “Well, what will happen to the mind that was doing the thinking?  After all, it was the presence of thought processes which demonstrated the presence of that mind.”  Well, Paul, it didn’t demonstrate anything.  It insinuated a presence.  It implied a presence of something called mind.  But, you see, Mind Knows.  The insinuation of the presence of a mind that is created through the process of thinking and reasoning was never anything more nor less than an insinuation, and therefore the embracing of the presence of that mind as though it were a fact has always been an assumption.  The presence of that mind, by virtue of thinking, has been assumed, but never actually proven.
The illusion has, indeed, been summed up in the statement: “I think, therefore I am.”  The truth is, “I am, therefore I Know.”  And that is the crux of the pivot-point, the change-line that you stand on the brink of, and that everyone is approaching.
The premise, “I think, therefore I am,” has been a false premise.  Indeed, the philosophical thinking of the Western World has been based on that misperception, that misunderstanding.  I am not saying that the East is free of that misperception, but indeed it has come closer than the thinking of the Western World to the fact that the truth is:  I am, therefore I Know.  The East has embraced the truth consciously, but has, nevertheless, in practical terms of daily life, practiced the reverse.
So, if you are not going to think, what are you going to do?  If you are going to stand porter at the door of thought, keeping the door securely closed—not just monitoring the thoughts, but allowing none to enter in—what are you going to do?  What is going to happen instead?  Well, I will tell you.  You are going to pay attention.  And paying attention will not be interfered with or blocked by thinking.  The experience of being pure awareness will be had, and Knowing will be what will happen.
If you experience silence, infinite peace, and are uneasy with the “inactivity,” don’t unlock that door and invite a few thoughts in to provide a little diversion, because indeed they will divert you, and will provide that insinuation of the presence of a mind different from the conscious experience of Knowing, and you will once again be caught in that place of improving the mind by improving the thinking through the use of imagination, reason, and logic.
The ego is that sense of mind which apparently creates and confirms its existence by means of its thinking.  But it is, from first to last, nothing—no-thing—an assumption to presence, as I have said before.
I have not said this before, but the ego will cease to seem to exist when thinking stops!  When thinking stops, the insinuation of the presence of a mind doing the thinking will cease, and confusion will be nonexistent.  The distraction of “improving the mind” and substantiating an illusory sense of self will cease, and the experience of Self, the Christ that you are, will be what is left.  Confusion will be swallowed up in utter simplicity and clarity.
Indeed, improving your time by putting your mind to its best use, creates the illusion of time.  It takes time to think because thinking is linear.  Knowing is nondimensional, and we can say “universal” if you understand that universal means nondimensional.  This means, then, that references to dimensions—first, second, third, and Fourth—are ultimately nonsensical, but are used to penetrate and register with the linear dimensional nature of “thinking,” for the purpose of providing a bridge, if you will, to that which is beyond the three-dimensional perception of nondimensional Being which thinking creates.
Many speak of multi-dimensional realities—the 5th, 6th, 7th, 10th dimension.  It is only necessary to speak of one more than your current frame of reference embraces.  And again it is not because there actually is a Fourth dimension.  It is because the use of that term bridges the gap between dimensionality and nondimensionality—or time and eternity, illusion and Reality.
Now, I do want you to transcribe this conversation immediately, and then we will talk again.
February 13 1991
Wednesday

Paul:  Good evening, Raj.
Raj:  Good evening, Paul.  I want you to give attention to the transcript of yesterday’s conversation.  It is of paramount importance that you recognize the profound and ultimate nature of what was said.  You are at a pivotal point.  You are at a point which you are capable of moving over.  And I literally mean that you are at a point where you can set aside thinking, replacing it with Listening.
Is not attentiveness the nature of, even the function of, Conscious?  Is it truly the function of consciousness to fill itself with its own imagination fol-de-rol, no matter how reasonably consistent and consistently reasonable its activities might be?  Is it not the function of Consciousness to be Aware?
I will tell you, the great joy, the great fulfillment that comes from being pure Awareness is constituted of the direct experience of Reality, because no interposing activity of the mind comes into play.  Pure Awareness is, as you will find, Mind Knowing.  Knowing what?  Knowing what God is Knowing.  And what is God Knowing?  Himself/Herself.  And what does that Knowing appear to be?  Creation; the infinite visibility and tangibility of the Father/Mother, the First Cause, Knowing Himself/Herself.  It is everything you are already aware of and infinitely more, experienced from God’s perspective.  But, that perspective will not be available to you to experience directly and undistortedly until the busy-ness of thinking is released so that the underlying Ground of Being called pure Awareness may be discovered to be the constituting presence of conscious Individuality—Self.
The experience of this Self is the experience of God’s perspective.  And thus the word Self no longer connotes separated identity, but infinite conscious Being.  The meaning of the infinite conscious experience of Being will not be experienced until you dare to stop thinking all the time!
Now, let us consider the meaning of Awareness, of being Aware.  Does it mean studying everything?  Hardly.  You see, being Aware is not an activity you engage in.  It is what is unavoidably occurring when no thinking is going on.  It isn’t something you do.  It is something you Are.  Now, you have heard those words before.  They are not new.  But, you are, if you are willing, at the threshold of experiencing the meaning of those words by virtue of vacating the imaginary position of being a thinker.  I will say again, the time for thinkers has come and gone!
The time for Conscious Being, the time for being Conscious . . . ness is upon you.  You are being it right now, and you are smoking a cigarette and having a sip of coffee, and you can hear the traffic, and through your eyelids you can see the light from the lights that are on in the room, and you know that Susan is here and listening.  But, you are being Conscious . . . ness.  You are not accomplishing anything.  Yet, existence, life, is going on.  Activity is occurring.  Movement is happening.  And you are not taking responsibility for any of it.  If there is anything you are taking responsibility for, it is to engage in the conscious choice to be Listening, and to be the expression of what is unfolding as the conscious experience of Being.  And it looks like you sitting there holding the microphone,10 moving your hands in gestures, moving your mouth and speaking.
Are you addressing anyone?  Are you addressing Sue?  No.  But you are being the movement of revelation, of Self-revelation.  Indeed, it does not embrace the whole of the movement of Creation which is available to you, but you are literally standing in the middle of Reality being more of the presence of the movement of Reality, which, if you will continue, will increase in scope, in breadth and depth of experience, and which necessarily will look like something, will look like you being the fuller representation of the presence of God.
I will tell you something: As that happens, it will have less and less importance to you that it is happening, because you will be identifying less and less with the body which is more and more identifying the movement of God, the presence of the Christ.
This is why it seems so hard to wake up—because, you see, you wake up from an ego vantage point.  And so you look into the infinite, you look into the nature of being Awake, and it does not provide confirmation of anything significant from the ego’s standpoint, because it doesn’t substantiate the ego.  Indeed, it does seem as though it is a particularly uninviting and unfilfilling experience to be Awake, but only because it doesn’t validate the ego and everything that was important to it, which constituted your perception of life.
For nine years, you have been letting yourself into a Fourth-dimensional conscious experience of Being, and you have done it so consistently that it is now reasonable to you to let go of thinking because nine years of experience has proven the presence and existence of Being; that, indeed, when you have abandoned the personal body-oriented private sense of Paul, you have not flopped in a heap on the ground unable to be any manifestation of intelligence.  Rather, you have been a more meaningful presence of intelligence and wisdom and love.  Not one you could account for.  Not one that you developed and created.  Not one that has found expression through any skill you have, other than the skill you have acquired at stepping out of the way and valuing what happens as a result.  But, of course, from the ego’s standpoint, that means that you have sacrificed.  You have given up a “right” to be an independent presence, a self-created and self-maintained presence that can take pride in its accomplishments at its assertion of itself.
You know that you cannot truly explain what you are doing when you are being the Fourth-dimensional conscious experience of Being, because it is something which is happening beyond any expression of self-will.  It is only that which you engage in willfully that you can account for, take credit for, and come close to explaining.
Through nine years of practice, you have arrived at a point where it is conceivable to you that going all the way and being forever conscious awareness—I will say “the state of Awareness”—might just happen to be tremendously fulfilling, even though you have no comprehension of what that kind of fulfillment will be like.  And the reason you can conceive of the possibility that it might be fulfilling is because when you have allowed yourself to be pure Awareness, and you have appeared to be a meaningful presence in the world, you, aside from that, have felt the peace of your Being, the congruence of you with everything else, the unity of All That Is, and what I’m going to call the divine satisfaction of it.
So, I’m going to add something to your agenda.  In addition to my suggestion/request/demand that you be constantly in touch with me, I am also going to suggest/request/demand that you cease engaging in thinking.  In other words, whether you are speaking with me or not, whether you are allowing me to register with you or not, abide in the Silence.  If you are not speaking with me, if you are not allowing what happens to happen when you are out of the way, then simply be out of the way in Silence.  And if you find yourself beginning to think, then just as you would in meditation, move back into the Silence.  If your words do not arise out of your experience of Guidance, let there be no words and let there be no thoughts.
I will tell you something: If you do not have the artificial stimulation of thinking, you will find yourself desiring communion.  You will not sit long in Silence.  Therefore, to the degree that you practice being in the Silence and Listening, or being pure Awareness, you will gravitate from a deep level of motivation toward waking up Here, where you really Are, and where I Am, with a full comprehension of It.
Thinking simply distracts you from your desire not to be alone.  The development of an ego is the means by which being alone becomes not only tolerable, but stimulating, and which therefore “promises” fulfillment.  But, of course, that fulfillment only amounts to a level of “success” at being alone and somehow not hurting from it.
It is interesting, is it not, that at this point I cannot give you the instruction to “think about what I have said.”  I will tell you something, though: You can abide with what I have said, because what I have said is the truth about you, and the truth about you is You, and You are present with you.  You are present to be experienced.  And therefore you can unthinkingly abide with the truth of what I have said about you as pure Awareness, and you can abide in the Silence, and you can abide in the experience of Unity which is what is occurring at this very instant.  And, again, it is an experience of Communion, rather than communication.  There is no “betweenness” at all in what is happening at this very instant.  Communication bridges the sense of betweenness.  Communion is the nonexistence of betweenness.
How you can be you and I can be me inseparably cannot be intellectually comprehended.  But if you will simply pay attention to the experience of this Communion, you will begin to Know what it is, how it can be.
Now, no matter how much you might want for others to share in what you find yourself Knowing, remember, this is your threshold, this is your opportunity to flow with the shift that, I promise you, will be spontaneously happening whether you flow with it or not.  That this may be of value to others is wonderful, but it is not the point.  And if you become too preoccupied with sharing it with others, as though that were somehow the point, then the shift will catch you off guard and create, by virtue of the surprise of it, reaction from that three-dimensional sense of yourself which sees this as perhaps an event happening in the three-dimensional frame of reference for the benefit of the three-dimensionals who occupy it.  Now, if you try to be meaningful in the world, you will lose it!  I mean by that, your presence will become meaningless.  So, let us stay on target.
_____________________
10 I was using a dictaphone to record the conversation.
February 14 1991
Thursday

Paul:  Good evening, Raj.
Raj:  Good evening, indeed, Paul.  You have been very much present with us today, Here.  And you are met with greetings.  I tell you this so that as you are making a point of being with me, you will realize that you are here with me and with others as well; so that your curiosity, if you will, might be active.  Do not try to figure out who is here, but simply be aware that there is much to be aware of.  Shall I say, a variety of concrete experiences of Reality are present and not just my presence.
We will not have a long conversation this evening, simply because there is so much of what we have already said that is sinking in with you, jelling.  And the jelling is contributing to your stabilizing Here, and we still have some steps to take that will, shall I say, push your buttons, and it is not intelligent to push your buttons when you are settling into being present Here more Consciously.  I do not want you pulling back.
The shift is occurring.  You are making a choice for the infinite view.  Indeed, you lost it slightly this evening, but you did not withdraw, and we were most pleased at that sign of Conscious stability.
I am fully aware that as the shift occurs, and you sense that it is occurring, it will not seem significant to you—just definite.  That is all right.  A hurdle has been overcome, and you are now not offended or bothered by the idea of being always Listening, being always attentive.  Together we, meaning you and I, have negated the significant sense of loss which constantly giving your attention to me seemed to imply.  And, of course, the loss seemed to be the loss of you—in reality, the loss of the sidekick.  You are more present with your Self, and you are indeed losing devotion to the sidekick, and that is beautiful.  Indeed, the loss of devotion to the sidekick has not been a matter of decision.  You have not worked at it.  You are just not finding the energy to be interested in it.  And that is the way it happens.
As what I have said registers more fully with you, you will seem to be neither Here nor there, but characteristic of this “stage” is an unreasonable sense of security and an absence of a need for understanding, as well as self-protection—a certain steady calm buoyancy.  And so, as you recognize this experience, you may know that you are on track.
Things are proceeding well, and I appreciate the fact that you were ready and willing to have a lengthy conversation with significant disclosures.  But, I am not a slave-driver, and it is appropriate, as I said, for what we have already discussed to register even more fully.
Now, if you wish to continue transcribing the first of our conversations, it does constitute an appropriate pastime, and it will contribute to further realization.  But that is not a suggestion.  It is just a comment.
Good evening.
February 20 1991
Wednesday

Paul:  I am experiencing a lot of frustration, and, at times, a lot of anger.  The phrase, “Nothing that I see means anything,” isn’t just an idea or a statement, but it is, indeed, the way I am experiencing everything at the moment.  I don’t seem to be finding meaning in anything that I see, or anything that is happening, or anything that I am doing.  Certainly the only thing that seems to be getting done is keeping appointments.  And although the individuals calling seem to experience meaning from them, I am not.
I don’t even know how many days it has been since the last conversation I had with you, but certainly the intervening time has not been spent in no thought, or no thinking.  And I have not been particularly conscious of being with you.  I am aware that there are a lot of similarities now to our first conversatons,11 in that, for example, I must say that the things you are saying don’t seem to be relevant.  My experience doesn’t seem to be changing.  It seems to be getting worse—I mean by that, less fulfilling and less of what it used to be.
I feel less in touch with people, less in touch with meaning, and although what I am about to say doesn’t reflect exactly what I’m feeling at the moment, there is a certain amount of—I can’t even think of the word—a certain amount of pleasure, a certain amount of good feeling, because, in spite of being frustrated and all, in spite of nothing seeming to improve, it does feel finally like I am growing, somehow.  It does feel like there is movement, it does feel like an old familiar feeling of, I will say, stress, associated with what turned out to be breakthrough when you first came along.  And so. In that sense I guess it does feel like something is happening for me, as opposed to just happening for everyone else.  But, I don’t know that I’m doing any of this any more gracefully than I did the first time.
Anyway, . . . that’s where I am at the moment, and I will be interested in anything you have to say.
Raj:  It is, indeed, very simple, Paul.  You are in an identity crisis.  You are struggling to maintain a sense of identity, or get hold, again, of a sense of identity that is crumbling.  I will tell you something: A sense of identity is not a fair substitute for Identity, Itself.  I will say, it is an unfair misrepresentation of Identity, Itself, and yet it is, up to this point, all that you have known “in this lifetime.”  And since that is all of your infinity that you have any conscious embrace of, it does, indeed, seem as though your identity is crumbling.
That is why everything is becoming meaningless.  After all, if you don’t know who is observing it, how can you know how to interpret it?  And, of course, interpreting Reality does constitute a translating of It into other terms, doesn’t it—terms other than Its original form or expression?  If you have been living in an interpretation of Reality from a sense of identity, where have you been?  Up Shit Creek, that’s where!  In other words, nowhere.
Now, with the breakup of a sense of Identity must come the breakup of the interpretation of Reality.  What you have construed your Identity to be, and what this sense of Identity has interpreted Reality to be is giving up the ghost, fading, becoming the no-thing and the nothing that they are.  This means that your self, as a point of awareness in infinity, being aware from that point of awareness—which is an utterly false sense of All That Is—is yielding to Awareness, Itself.
All-embracing Awareness is not a sense of Identity.  It is Identity.  But, being infinite, It cannot gather a sense of Itself from anything else.  Thus, Identity and Awareness, Consciousness, are synonymous.  If you want to know who you are, then be aware, and pay attention to the experience!  And understand that waking up constitutes, indeed, a loss of identity.  I mean by that, a loss of everything that has been experienced and defined as identity by you up to this point.  I cannot put it more simply than that.
The sense of identity that you embrace is finite and body-oriented, and it gathers its sense of itself from its interpretation of its surroundings and the way its surroundings respond or do not respond to it.  This constitutes unconsciousness!
You have literally only one experience of identity which is consciously available to you, and that experience of identity, I am declaring to you, is not Identity, but a sense of Identity.  It is the sense of Identity that will be lost, but not the experience of existing, not the experience of being Conscious.  And to refine that slightly, it will not constitute the loss of being Consciousness.  Therefore, this identity crisis is a part of healing, a part of Awakening.  It is to be embraced rather than resisted.  It is to be rejoiced about, even though all you can see is that it is obviously an experience of loss.  But, again, it is a loss of a conceptual image projected upon Reality, which has altered the perception of Reality, obscuring It, but which has never altered Reality in actuality, and never for an instant altered or annihilated You.
Your habit, your conditioning, is to scramble to reestablish, somehow, a sense of Identity.  But the real call is for letting go of a sense of Identity and letting yourself into the apparent Void of Awareness, of Consciousness—the simple experience of being—and then simply abiding in It and paying attention.  Without the overlay of a sense of Identity upon the experience of Consciousness, Consciousness has the opportunity to register as the Meaning of Identity, and Reality has the opportunity of being Known.
And so, to use current terms, this is not an identity crisis, but a healing crisis which, if you successfully resisted it, would constitute no healing.
I know that you think you are just hearing the words, and that they do not have relevance—no practical meaning; that they express an intangible, idealistic, unusable set of paradigms.  But, I will tell you that they are registering with you deeply, and that from where we stand, you are rousing more significantly throughout more of the full spectrum of You.
I encourage you not only to endure this apparent meaninglessness and loss of identity, but to consciously embrace it as representative of the shift into the being of pure Awareness, as a most desirable, healthy, and Sane experience.  It is not happening for no reason.  It is happening because for nine years you have practiced Listening, which has constituted an essential part of your waking up!  And it has constituted a sufficient enough arousal of You in your right Mind to trigger further spontaneous Awakening that you could say is not a result of conscious three-dimensional choice.
The only so-called three-dimensional choice you can make in this process is the choice to Listen, the choice to be in the not-knowing Place.
This identity crisis, this health crisis, this distressing experience you have been having, has arisen since our last conversation, has it not?  Has it not become more pointed?  More unavoidable?  More obvious?  How, then, can you say that things are getting worse, that there is no progress, when the movement that you have found distressing is a significant movement of Awakening?  I facetiously say, “Maybe you will arrive at a point where you will not know who you are.”  What is facetious is the use of the word “maybe.”  But, you will not arrive at a point where you don’t know that you are.  You will not arrive at a point where you will not be aware, conscious.
There isn’t any definition of Identity.  There is only the experience of It.  And the true meaning of Identity is found in the experience of being Consciousness—not a point of consciousness or awareness.
The simple fact is that you have always been conscious, but you have felt it necessary to come up with a definition of what that means.  A definition is a concept, and a concept is an interpretation—a translation, if you will.  And so now you are involved in a translation back to the spiritual original of You, an undoing of an act of defining yourself to yourself, which caused you to lose the experience of your Self.
The three-dimensional frame of reference is the realm of definitions, and that is why it is apparently constituted of time and space.
In the beginning, God, created all that is—at least so it is expressed in the first chapter of your Bible.  And then, in the second chapter, man provided definitions—named all that God had made.  Man has been living in the world of his definitions ever since, unconscious of Reality as It is, unconscious of his Identity as Consciousness, Mind—God’s recognition of Himself in His movement of Consciousness.
What you have been experiencing as a problem over these last few days has actually been your healing occurring, your Awakening occurring—the loss of a sense of yourself as not only a thinker but the definer, the interpreter!  The words do not say, “And God saw everything that He had made, and interpreted it to be good.”  I will tell you that your healing is progressing nicely, and the prognosis is excellent, and the loss of a sense of yourself and the loss of definitions that seemed to give everything meaning is not a problem, but the solution.
I encourage you to abide in, and be totally allowing of, the meaninglessness, and the inability to know who you are.  I encourage you to be comforted by the experience, rather than defining it as bad and resisting it.
In the beginning, when our conversations first began, you allowed yourself to be in the not-knowing place.  At that time, the not-knowing place was a place of not knowing intellectually.  Now, the not-knowing is striking at, or cutting through, the very core of the sense of Identity, and the meaning of every thing that has been defined.
In the absence of the definitions, in the absence of any means to identify yourself, Reality, the Kingdom of Heaven, and your Self as the Christ, the direct expression of God, experiencing everything from God’s point of view, will begin to be available to you.  If you will just pay attention, and not try to hold it all in the grasp of concepts, or the grasp of a thinker, and know that whether or not you, as a sense of identity, are doing well or not, whether you are being able to hold onto your definitions or not, this movement of Awakening is proceeding, and the undoing will be complete.  I encourage you to be curious without preconceptions as this image overlaying Reality fades, and Reality is revealed, clear and perfect.
__________________
11 In 1982.
February 25 1991
Monday

Paul:  I will simply say that I am feeling up against it, and very uncomfortable, and I need to hear whatever you have to say.
Raj:  I am glad to have the opportunity to speak with you, Paul.  And it would be well, it would be most appropriate, if we could talk daily, as I have said before.
By virtue of “winging it,” so to speak, you encounter unnecessary turbulence, because you get off the Homing beacon, and at this point it is very easy to get off the Homing beacon because staying on the Homing beacon takes much more conscious intent.  The reason being, that if you are indeed yielding to the Homing beacon, you are relinquishing the options to be off track, and therefore, you are depriving the ego sense of self of an opportunity to seem to substantiate its existence by not bringing it into play.  And so, the ego sense is gasping for breath, gasping for that which will substantiate it.
Again, because it has been your primary sense of identity, it feels like a significant loss, even though when you manage to abandon that vantage point, you experience not only the Peace of your Being, but the experience of your Integrity and a greatly enhanced experience of your Wholeness, and therefore your stability and invulnerability.  But that is easily lost, because the sense of Identity, being so familiar, feels more valid, and its perpetuation, therefore, seems paramount.
The Homing beacon does not provide you with a view of your destination.  It is an intangible experience of all-rightness.  The territory you can see at the moment is constituted of ego definitions, concepts, and acquired conclusions.  And because they are what you can see, and because the Homing beacon is something you cannot see, the Homing beacon seems less meaningful.
So, you see, the elements here involve that which you can see, which is by definition illusory—and I mean by that, because it is constituted of definitions—and the intangible but meaningful experience of the Homing beacon.
A choice must be made, which necessarily means giving up the freedom to randomly access the territory of definitions, the loss of freedom to be moving without relevance to Home, without relevance to Reality, without relevance to your Sanity.  There are no two ways about it, it does indeed feel like the loss of freedom!  But in the final analysis the freedom to move in the territory of illusions constitutes bondage, because it renders you unconscious of Who You Are, and unconscious of Reality, unconscious of the Kingdom of Heaven as It really is—the Place You Are, as It really is.
It is a difficult thing to have to abandon everything you believe.  And, indeed, you must understand that even though everything you have believed has brought you to the point of giving permission to Listen, of giving yourself permission to desire to Know, it has been nothing more than a stepping-stone, and you cannot afford to value the stepping-stone so completely that you do not use it for its purpose and try to make your home there.
It does not matter that you were not told that what you believed wasn’t ultimate.  It only matters that you don’t get hung up on it.  The stepping-stone, in order to fulfill its purpose, must crumble, else you will attempt to coerce it into a function that it doesn’t have.  If you wish to remain on it and occupy it and make it your residence, it must necessarily begin to crumble, because it cannot become what it is not.
You are beginning to look back because your forward movement is taking you over the horizon into new territory, into new perspective, which means that the old perspective will disappear behind you, out of sight, unavailable to you any longer.  Because what you are moving away from is familiar, it is not easy to let go of when you arrive at that point of the horizon where what is behind you disappears from sight.  I am aware of your uneasiness and discomfort and fear.
I will tell you something: It was not nearly as hard to move away from Home, because your movement away arose out of an innate sense of your Wholeness, and of your invulnerability, and of your Integrity, and so every step was made with confidence.  And yet, if there were going to be fear and reluctance, that is where it should have been felt, even though that is not where it could have been felt.
Therefore, I tell you this for perspective: Fear of loss of ignorance does not make sense.  Anger at having to let go of unique and peculiar mental aberrations is ridiculous.  Pet theories, favorite truths, and beloved concepts do not constitute being Consciously aware, Awake.  And, you see, as you let go of them, you let go of that which is embracing them—which is not You, but is a sense of yourself that absolutely blinds you to Who You divinely Are.  And that is how illusion and delusion vanishes.
Now, again, this means that a devotion to the Homing beacon is absolutely essential.  It does, indeed, mean withdrawing your attention from the fallacious sense of freedom, and the unique sense of self which arises out of the idea that accessing that freedom is what existence is about.
Paul, you are truly going to have to be ready to exist in the Kingdom of Heaven Consciously rather than unconsciously.  What you are moving out of is the unconscious living of your divinity in the middle of the Kingdom of Heaven, so that you may consciously experience your divinity and the fact that you are in the Kingdom of Heaven.  In that clarity, in that Sanity, you will be most original.  I do not mean that in any way the ego can get hold of, because the originality will be uncalculated, unpremeditated, and the ego only calculates and premeditates.  So, this originality and freshness will constitute the nonexistence of the ego, and therefore the nonexistence of your past and currently weakening sense of self.  Can you dare to let it die so that You, in your Totality, may be wholly available to you, which is your Birthright?
Now, how do you stay on the Homing beacon?  What is the Homing beacon?  I will tell you: The Homing beacon is what appears to be a line of communication between you and me, but which, in actuality, is communion.
If you are blind, it is wise to let yourself be led.  Especially if you are being led into the full conscious experience of Vision.  “But,” you say, “I have learned to cope quite well with my blindness, my ignorance.  In fact, I am quite excellent at it, and I am quite pleased with myself about it.  And I have, in spite of my infirmity, been able to leave behind a sense of inadequacy and now feel quite adequate, quite pleased with myself and proud.  Now you want to take this away from me for an experience of fulfillment that I’m not responsible for?  That I will never be able to feel the kind of satisfaction and pleasure that I have been able to achieve by virtue of my intelligence to function meticulously well, almost as though I weren’t blind, almost as well as someone who can see?”
But you see, Paul, it is a hollow victory, because even if you could function as completely well as someone who can see, you can’t see!  You are still blind.  That is what this part of you, which has excelled in spite of an infirmity, finds unacceptable and intolerable, because everything which it has striven for, and the satisfaction that has come from the strife, and the sense of worth that has come from it, must be abandoned, and it must be abandoned for something that can never be taken credit for, can never provide that stimulating sense of authorship.
Having a Birthright and experiencing It cannot possibly provide any approximation of what one experiences who has no birthright and apparently achieves great heights.  But the achievement of great heights, and the profound sense of self-worth that it provides, doesn’t embody Worth.
You see, you cannot exist, and never have existed without a Birthright.  You never have been less than Who You really Are.  The claim, and subsequently the belief, that you have no Birthright, and then everything built upon that belief, has constituted Self-denial—a most unhealthy and insane activity.  No matter what degree of excellence you have achieved, it has been an act of denial of preexisting Excellence.  Therefore, whatever the sense of excellence is, it is false.  This is hard to look at, but if you are not willing to look at it, you will not find the motivation to yield into your preexisting Excellence.
The ego says, “But, you must still function within the definitions”—which it has established.  But the Kingdom of Heaven which you are really in does not require you to do that.  As I have said before, the definitions constitute an “alternate perception”—not an alternate world, not an alternate place, but an alternate perception.  Home doesn’t require you to be unconscious of what It is.  The ego does.  The definitions do.
If you insist upon seeing yourself as a three-dimensional entity speaking with me, a Fourth-dimensional Individuality, then you will have yourself misplaced.  And as you are finding, as we speak and I bluntly tell you the truth, you seem to find yourself sitting between me and your sidekick—the private, ego sense of self, the giver of definitions—and you feel like you are the rope in a tug-of-war.  That is exactly why I have pointed out to you the necessity of staying in touch with me and being aware that the fact that the apparent12 communication is occurring, demonstrates the fact that you are Here with me, that you are Fourth-dimensional Individuality, also, and not a three-dimensional entity in the middle of a third-dimension being the relayer of Truth, as it were.
Grasping the meaning of Truth does not improve your ability to define your world well.  It does not improve your ability to control your process of defining so as to create a better and better definition which is more and more pleasing and less and less threatening to the ego.  It constitutes your coming into a real conscious experience of your Self as the Conscious experience of Being, instead of as a human being—as the Son of God instead of the son of man.  It constitutes the removal of the insanity, and everything that seemed real within that conceptual framework—constituted entirely of definitions, gathered from a sense of having no Birthright, a sense of being a bastard, a sense of having no source other than the activity of thinking, the activity of being a thinker.
And so, again I will reiterate, stay in touch with me, with the acknowledgment of the fact that being in touch with me demonstrates, no matter in how limited a way, the fact that you are present Here with me, and that you are like me, and that the experience of being You in your right Mind is what is natural to You.  This will constitute your connection with the Homing beacon, which will move you experientially-—not intellectually or conceptually—into your Conscious embrace of me and of You and of the Kingdom of Heaven, of Reality.
Don’t hold on so tightly to your tininess!  Don’t try to stay in the middle of what you can explain.  Don’t try to make your greater capacity to be aware divinely conform to your already-existing definitions.  Abandon the “security” of your creations.  I mean by that, your confidences in the definitions you have come to about what everything is.  You must let them become meaningless, because that is the way in which you release the definitions which obscure your direct experience of Reality, the presence of God, the presence of You.
Indeed, I know full well and good that that constitutes a great and fearful experience of vulnerability, instability, insecurity.  You must remember that I have done it also, and I know whereof I speak.
You are getting a glimmer of the fact that those things which define your security, stability, and comfort are illusions which, by virtue of your faith in them, constitute an opaqueness that blinds you to your infinite freedom, causing you therefore to be in a state of denial of God, Reality, and of your Self.  I will tell you something: Even if you didn’t accomplish a single thing three-dimensionally, if you stayed in constant and continuous conversation with me, you would awaken out of the illusion that there would be a penalty, a cost, a disaster from not abiding by the structural definitions of “proper behavior.”
Yes, there are a myriad of even unconscious concepts of what your role or place might be “in the world,” and a devotion to all of your definitions of others—how you see them and what you perceive their needs to be—and the way in which you interpret and define what you hear them saying.  But, you know what, Paul?  Every single Individuality whom you perceive through the sieve of your definitions, is right Here in the Kingdom of Heaven with us, You and me.  And you cannot afford to abide by your current definitions or perceptions of them, as though they constituted justification for your continuing to perceive yourself as there, in the three-dimensional frame of reference.
I am as aware as you are that your ego is arguing all of this.  But it really doesn’t matter.  What matters is that we are engaged in communion, and you are therefore on the Homing beacon.  I want you to remember that, so that you will not validate the arguments which are going on, as though they constituted, really, a valid activity to engage with.  The only valid activity is being on the Homing beacon, because you cannot be on the Homing beacon and stand still.  When you are on the Homing beacon, you are moving toward Home, and, from my standpoint, that movement appears as You regaining Consciousness.  So, understand that this movement is not a movement through space, but a movement of increasing conscious awareness, just as waking up in the morning is a movement of increasing conscious awareness.
As the ego argues, by means of challenging questions, realize that to engage in trying to find answers to those challenging questions constitutes nothing more than a distraction from being on the Homing beacon; that, in effect, the ego is being a kibitzer, and its motives—if, indeed, it could have real motives—do not involve your actually becoming clear.
[I took a break and listened to the recording of the conversation thus far.]
Paul:  I have just listened to what you had to say.  After you said it, and then, when I re-listened to it, there was, for me, and still is, a feeling of what I can only describe as “tired sadness.”  It’s just sort of the atmosphere in which I find myself.  And I guess I’m wondering what it is.  Of course, I’m interested in whatever you have to say, because I do intend to persist in this.
Raj:  It is just a very mild rebellion.  Not an out-and-out rejection, but a loving backward glance at all that was familiar.  An emotional draw to the familiar when you know you are leaving it behind.  It is what is called longing.  And it is very different from the remembering of Home and the desire felt for It, because that remembering is inspiring and invigorating, and the desire is unquestionable.  It is a desire for That toward which you are moving because you are desiring It.  And longing is a rather futile attachment to that which you are not moving toward—that from which you are moving away.
So, it is, of course, your ego which is engaging in the longing, and it is That of your Being which you are allowing yourself to connect with Which is responsible for the desire for Home.  The former is an exercise in futility.  The latter is fulfillment unfolding.  And so, again, we are talking about a choice—not a choice between better and worse illusions, but a choice between illusion and Reality, insanity and Sanity, frustration and fulfillment, sadness and Joy.
Because it is ultimately a choice for Reality and the releasing of illusion, it is moving out of the realm of choice—the interesting and provocative realm of options.  Apparently a great loss!  But don’t waste time feeling sorry for yourself.  The realm of choice is the realm of ignorance and suffering, even though it seems to be the promise of fulfillment and joy.
As you continue to make the choice for communion, you will find the sadness fade.  Put another way, you will simply find it not occurring in the context or arena of communion.  I am not feeling it, nor am I experiencing it, and therefore it is not part of the communion.   And although you may not be feeling the joy of communion, I will tell you that the sadness is not occurring in it.  And so, neither one of us is experiencing it.  The only one who seems to be experiencing it is this fantastic sidekick.
It is important to know that you are not going through a period of adjustment, because you are not the one giving up anything.  You never were the fantasy sidekick.  You never were three-dimensional.  And so, you are sacrificing absolutely nothing.  If you will embrace that as the possibility, you will find that you will not fight for time to adjust.  You will not think that it is unavoidably necessary because you are right Here with me, and it is only in the imagination that you seem to be somewhere else.
You see, the ego wants time to adjust in the hope that it will be able to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.  But it cannot, because its existence is predicated upon a fundamental belief of being different from the Father and of existing in its creation, rather than being the inseparable Conscious experience of the Movement of Creation.  It is completely incompatible, incongruent with Reality, and with Identity—the Conscious Identity of true Individuality.
All you have to do is give permission.  And all you need to do to give permission, is to have a little curiosity.  Be willing to be a little bit of an explorer.  Be willing to take those additional steps which will cause the old familiarities to slip beyond the horizon, out of sight, and thus release you to pay attention to Where You Are.
Now, you are going to have to sacrifice your definitions, and the data which they provided you of a sense of movement and growth, and of becoming more, for the movement that occurs without your authorization when you have your mind stayed on me—when you insist upon being in communion.  It is as though when you relinquish the position of thinker and definer of things, you weigh anchor, thus allowing for movement, and then find yourself caught in the tractor-beam of the Will of the Father, Which moves you unerringly into harmony with It.  This causes you to experience the Integrity of You which is constituted of the Will of the Father, which opens your eyes, and you say, “I have woken up.  What a dream I had.”
Now you are indulging in thinking.  It is a thought that this communion is going to turn into a marathon.  It is a thought that says you will not be accomplishing anything.  It is a thought that says this will be boring.  This is part of looking back to that which is familiar.  And what is familiar is “accomplishing” and “becoming,” having some “hands-on experience” where there is some physical demonstration of accomplishment which proves control or authorship.
I told you, you will not sit in Silence for long.  You will not abide in the Peace without experiencing a need.  The ego interprets the need as a call for expressing authority.  But truly, the need is not to be alone.  Why?  Because Being is a unity.  And when you are in the Peace of your Being, that which is integral to It emerges Consciously.  And so you will apparently gravitate toward the fuller experience of communion, community.
As I said, we are all Here, including You.  And we are all Here in communion/community, Conscious unity, Conscious union.  So, if you truly wish to wake up, do not indulge in getting your hands on anything and getting something done.  Abide in this space which is intolerable to the ego, so that regaining Consciousness can occur, so that Awakening can occur.
The ego suggests that this could go on forever, interminably.  And, according to definition, nothing will get done, and everything will go to pot.  But, I will tell you something: We have been, and will always be, together.  Our communion will be interminable, because that’s Reality.  And so, I would encourage you to embrace it as a truth, rather than a problem to be endured.  If we are together and it is part of your Birthright to be infinitely Conscious without barriers of any kind, then succumb to this interminable, eternal, Conscious experience of Reality.
Now, you notice that the sadness is not present.  There is not a wonderful, inspiring, uplifting presence of Joy, but the sadness, the “tired sadness,” as you put it, is not present, and there is an experience of inner evenness which has, perhaps, just a tinge of heaviness to it.  That is because you are in communion, on the Homing beacon.
The shaft of light which penetrates the darkness does not explain the darkness, does not illuminate and render understandable the darkness.  All it does is speak of the Source of the light, and it uncovers the absence of darkness.  So, when you are in communion, you are experiencing the Source of the light, which draws you toward the light, and renders the imagined significance of the darkness null and void.
I encourage you, indeed, to remain in communion with me, and I encourage you to stop assuming that being in communion with me is going to make your illusion more understandable, that it is going to make your definitions more meaningful, or at least help you to raise them to a greater and more perfected form of meaningfulness, by definition.  And, yes, do it forever!  If you will make the commitment to do it forever, it will bring your full willingness into play in the Now, and then your Now will be illuminated.  The whole point is to see It as It is, to experience You as You Are, to experience Yourself Where You really Are.
Can Sanity really be so much worse than insanity?  Can clarity be so much more horrible than ignorance?  Why else would it seem that you would have to endure it?  Why would such a wonderful thing be interpreted as interminable?  Interminable is a negative way of referring to Eternity, and yet it’s very easy for such words as “eternal life” to flow from your lips as that which is desirable.  What about “eternal Consciousness”?  What is so horrible about that?  What is so horrible about it is that you will have to sacrifice the sense of private, personal authority.  It involves the vacating of a position of “authorizer.”  And it moves you into the apparently insulting state of being nothing more than pure Awareness—the Conscious experience of Being, the uninterrupted Conscious experience of the Kingdom of Heaven.
Oh, the ego wants another fix of the exercise of control!  Why do you not have the same fear as the King of Siam in The King and I when he said, “Might they not [control]13 me out of everything I own?”  Might not the exercise of control do you out of everything You Are as a Conscious experience?  Why do you have to be in control?  Your Worth isn’t connected with it, although your sense of worth is.  Your Value isn’t connected with it, although your sense of value is.  But, again, the ego, this sidekick, is a sense of identity, and not Identity, Itself.
I am pleased that you are hanging in here with me, and that you have not gotten up and insisted upon doing something else to get relief from Reality.  It is your Birthright to experience your unity with all of the Brotherhood.  It is your Birthright not to be ignorant or unconscious of It.  And it is your Birthright to experience it interminably, uninterruptedly.
Blindness or ignorance is not so great.
I will tell you something: It is not a matter of honor to stand up to the Big Boys, to claim a sense of worth by challenging them, by attempting to be equal to them without being one of them.  You see, the fundamental conflict there?  The fundamental inconsistency?
In terms of what is unfolding in your world at this time, Saddam Hussein’s attempt to stand up to the Western World does not give him greater credibility or honor, because as long as he insists upon standing up against them, he cannot possibly be one of them.  And so it is an exercise in futility.
Being an ego is the attempt to be equal while being unequal, and not allowing for being equal because it will seem to constitute a sacrifice of any ability to claim self-worth, and self-respect, by definition.  You see, You are real.  You are valid.  You are valuable, because you Are one of the Big Boys.  You Are one of the Brotherhood.  You are the direct expression of God, and nothing else.  You already Are That.  And therefore, you need do nothing to create it or achieve it!
Now, you may take a break, but do not leave the Homing beacon.
________________________
12 Raj is making a distinction, here, between communication and communion.  Apparently it is communication, but in actuality it is communion.
13 A variation of the actual line: “Might they not protect me out of everything I own?”
March 2 1991
Saturday

Paul:  The focus seems to be more specific—the focus of my question—in that I have, as you know, been very uncomfortable for three days in my lower back, and have cancelled appointments to take steps to take care of myself; yesterday to a masseuse and today to a chiropractor.  Now, I guess in light of what you’ve said recently, it feels like maybe I have gotten off the Homing beacon.  And so I guess I would want to know, is that correct?  What’s going on?  Because, this doesn’t feel like forward movement.  It does feel like things coming apart.
Raj:  The simple fact is, Paul, that we are—and I mean, you and I—engaged in an undoing.  An undoing of a pattern that has been relatively dominant throughout this lifetime.  And the physical symptoms you are experiencing are part and parcel of that undoing.
Paul:  I am listening.
Raj:  Indeed, Paul, I know.  First of all, relax.  You are not on the hot seat.  Secondly, do not imagine that you have gotten sidetracked.  I am aware that you have tended to attribute the “back problem” to an objective event—the carrying of the groceries into the house the other day.  But, I will tell you that this has nothing to do with any objective physical event, but rather, as I said, the undoing of a rather dominant belief structure.  And if you had been sitting in a chair, unmoving, talking with me, this undoing would still have come about with absolutely no objective physical event to trigger it.  Indeed that is, even so, the manner in which this has come forth.
[Lengthy pause.]
Paul:  I am listening.
Raj:  I know, Paul.  We are simply moving aside some inertia.  Continue listening.
The circumstances attending your birth were very traumatic, I will say—uncomfortable for you.  In the early stages of emergence, there was some period of time when you were experiencing compression in the area of your lower back and hips as the breech birth began—some blood deprivation, as though it were being squeezed toward your head and your feet from your posterior.  This did not cause physical damage, but it caused you to feel a very unnatural feeling, together with an uninterrupted pain.
Let us squelch another belief right now.  Indeed, you did turn around twice, thus positioning yourself for a “rear entry.”  But it is not reasonable for you to carry with you, any longer, the belief that you are unwilling to face things head on; that even though the doctor turned you around twice and you twice reversed your position, it did not express a style, if you will, of approaching life.
It is absolutely imperative for you to release this sense that you have an avoidance of facing into life, and facing into that which is new, because the fact is that you have always faced into that which is new with simple interest, simple curiosity and energy for it.  You have never toed the mark, as it were, and gone along the well-trampled path.
The suggestion that perhaps the breech birth indicated an inherent style of approach to life, was incorrect, but, you did pick up on it [the suggestion].  And because of the memory of the discomfort, which you don’t now remember, you have indeed adopted a stance that your growth, your expansion, is likely to be painful, and therefore, although you have always approached new thresholds with eagerness, you have moved over those thresholds with great caution.  Yet, the nature of thresholds is that once you arrive at them, you find yourself precipitated over them.  There is a natural thrust—you might say a movement—which occurs at thresholds, and so your reluctance, your great caution at the last instant, causes the natural spontaneous movement to be uncomfortable.
Now, this movement of Graduation, here, seems to you to be perhaps as significant as the experience of birth.  And you are not misperceiving that.  You are not making more out of it than it is.  But it happens that in order to move over this Threshold, you are going to have to consciously release the so-called stigma of your breech birth, together with the “memory” of the pain, even though you have no conscious memory of it.
In so many words, you are going to have to forgive the circumstances under which this pain occurred.  And I mean by that, all the circumstances—your choice of position, your mother’s choice of the place of delivery (that being a Christian Science Maternity Home rather than a hospital where they would have been more able to handle this kind of delivery with less trauma to it) and the physician for not insisting upon relocating to a hospital.
The simple fact is that none of these things may ever have been thought, but you would find them all lurking if you persisted in not forgiving the situation and releasing everyone else and yourself from the blame, as it were.
I will tell you something: The birth never happened!  And the attending circumstances never happened!  And thus, the belief that you are not able to look life squarely in the face is false, and supposed guilt is false.  You will find when you finally come around totally, and find yourself present Here with me, that this birth process and the attending circumstances were part of the misperception.
Birth and death have never happened to anyone.  It is time to release this sense of birth and the seeming proof of the physical formation of a physical body.  The hurts or disappointments, the inevitable misunderstandings attending the so-called event of birth are nonexistent and therefore absolutely incapable of governing your ongoing experience of Conscious Being—and apparently holding that experience to a physical interpretation, even a physical experience of body—because body is not physical, and never has been.
That is exactly why it is necessary, now, to release this physical sense of birth and blame.  It must be forgiven.  Judgment must be withdrawn, from it, and from you, and from everyone involved, because it simply didn’t happen that way.  Birth didn’t happen at all.  The initiation of a new physical life simply is not what occurred.
It is time to release the beliefs and the seeming physical manifestations of the stress of that so-called birth.  And the destabilizing, as it were, that you seem to be experiencing in your back is the precursor of reconfiguration.  Indeed, I am very happy that you have the belt which the chiropractor gave you, so that you do not misuse your muscles to compensate while the instability leading to reconfiguration occurs.  It is very important for you to know that self-judgment, self-criticism, self-doubt, at this point, are inappropriate.
How could you possibly bring your definition of body with you into your realization of Who You Are and Where You Are?  You cannot.  And so, you will have to watch your definitions disappear, literally!  Your definitions of your body have in great part been evolved from this experience of “trauma” at the time of this so-called birth which you never, ever went through.  So, I encourage you to be still curious and still willing and still allowing of the inevitable dissolving of illusion, of definitions.  And please, be clear on the fact that you have not stepped aside from the Homing beacon.  You are not engaged in a little irrelevant side trip here.  Everything is right on target.
Your attention now needs to be, shall I say, not only on me, but it needs to be an active curiosity to observe the miraculous, to observe real healing—not with any sense of deadline, and certainly not with any sense of coercion.  You cannot possibly be responsible for the uncovering of the Reality of You, because you didn’t create the Reality of You.
That is the end of this conversation.
March 8 1991
Friday

Paul:  I think at the moment I just need to hear anything you have to say.  I need to hear you say something.
Raj:  Paul, indeed your dilemma arises out of thinking that the answers pertinent to Awakening are going to be found in the answers to the problems occurring within your limited frame of reference.  Thus you attempt to confine the infinite to the specific finite definitions of “what is pertinent.”  Indeed, Paul, you are long past the point of improving the human picture as the evidence of the divine presence of Truth.  We are no longer fixing up the picture, but shifting the attention to the Reality of which the picture is just a picture.  The movement of the divine Presence is not a “restorer of old photographs.”
Again, the answer is so simple.  It is not complicated, It is not devious.  It is not hard to get at the meaning of.  It is very simple:  Stay in touch with me constantly.  There is absolutely no way for that statement or its meaning to be misconstrued.
Oh, yes, you would love to know how to fix things up for this daughter or that daughter, or how to forgive the feeling of being used that you have created around their behavior.  And it would be nice to know how to get the Newsletter out, or how to have enough money to pay the rent, and how to have the second phone line reconnected.
Paul, I am not going to help you stay asleep by continuing to fix up the dream so that your attention, relative to the divine Presence, can remain firmly established in the three-dimensional frame of reference.  I will tell you something, and I have said it before: The ego will keep coming up with more and more loose ends for you to deal with, more and more strings of spaghetti, more and more closets that have more and more skeletons.
The searching out of the skeletons in the closet and the finding of the loose ends and tying them up, are not what constitute the movement of Awakening.  And as I told Susan the other day, one can just as easily wake up from an unhappy dream as from a happy dream.  Either way, whether the dream is happy or unhappy, it is still a dream which one still needs to wake up from.  And so, again, stay in touch with me constantly.
I will point out to you that you are having less and less that you can take care of humanly, as the sidekick, as a personal ego presence.  Are you not stuck on your derriere on your bed?  And do you not have excessive time to stay in touch with me, even if, as I said, it only amounts to your saying, “Are you there, Raj?” and my saying, “Yes,” and your saying, “Are you still there, Raj?” and my saying, “Yes.”  There is nothing complicated about this, Paul.
I will tell you something: Someone who has overdosed on drugs needs to keep moving.  And you have seen movies where coffee is given and they are half dragged around the room endlessly—at least that is the way it seems to the one who would much rather succumb to the drowsiness and the sweetness of unconsciousness.  “Must we continue doing this irrelevant thing called walking, walking, walking, when it would be so much more meaningful to go to sleep?”
I don’t care whether it seems meaningless to spend your whole day saying, “Raj, are you there?”  It doesn’t have to be meaningful from the standpoint of your reasoning any more than it has to seem reasonable to the one who has overdosed and will die if he doesn’t keep walking.  So as to what?  Learn how to walk?  No.  So as to keep fundamental functions occurring, together with the degree of consciousness which is necessary to exert the effort to walk, so that the effects of the drug may pass without killing that person.  Why?  So that living, and everything that goes along with living, can be reaccessed—which goes far beyond simply walking in circles and drinking coffee.
Now, I am going to say it again.  Stay in touch with me constantly.  Even if you must answer the phone tomorrow, or even if you must deal with something other than saying to me, “Are you there?” do not neglect—and I am going to be very strict here—do not neglect to ask me if I am there at least once a minute, every minute of the day tomorrow.
Certainly we can dialogue together on things other than the verification of my presence, but my point is, dare to indulge in the interminable, silly, apparently irrelevant and meaningless practice of staying in touch with me constantly.
Does the one who is about to pass out from an overdose have any conception at that moment of the meaning of relationships, of the meaning of a family that might develop, the activities of creativity and business, the activities of friendships?  No.  There is only one thing on that one’s mind, and that is, “Leave me alone, so I can go to sleep.  Don’t make me put forth effort at something so meaningless to me, so much of an intrusion upon what I feel is so essential.”
Let me ask you further, is it necessary for that one to be able to consciously embrace the infinite aspects of life and choose for them in order to get past the immediate effects of the drug overdose?  No.  It only requires one thing: keeping moving and remaining conscious!  At that point, the only experience of being conscious which is occurring is an experience of botheration with something that constitutes an absolute intrusion upon the one and only thing he has on his mind, which is to go to sleep.
Literally, it boils down to a struggle between the desire to be asleep and an apparent demand to stay awake, or to wake up.  And as long as there is the cooperation with the demand to keep moving and stay conscious, that one will get past the influence of the drug, and that one doesn’t have to even think what constitutes the meaning of being alive, and of being conscious.  There just needs to be simple willingness to be conscious, even if the only thing there is to be conscious of is the frustration of the demand to be conscious.
So, Paul, if you want to be frustrated all day tomorrow because there is a demand for you to stay in touch with me at least once every minute throughout the day, then go ahead and be frustrated, because it won’t make any difference.  If you will do it, you will get over this impasse that you have arrived at in the transition.
You don’t have to know what it is going to lead to.  Remember that all I am asking you to do is to indulge or engage in an act of connection with me, which means engaging in an act of limited Fourth-dimensional Conscious awareness, which will move you out of the mesmeric attraction of the three-dimensional frame of reference and its promotion of your ignorance, your sleep, you dream, your illusion, your misperception of Reality.
If there was something more important for you to be doing, I would tell you.  I am telling you the one essential step which is immediately in front of you to take.  The reconnection of your phone, the helping of your daughter, the healing of your back so that you can get on to the lack of movement in your work—these things are not the next step.  These things are not the step in front of you to take.  I will tell you that they are not even available for you to effectively bring about a change in.
So, your life at this moment is essentially absolutely simple.  No complications.  No misunderstandings to straighten out.  No instruction that is difficult to grasp.  No instruction that is difficult for you to carry out, because you have, for nine years, whenever you wished to speak to me, asked if I was there.  So, I am giving you an instruction to do something that you have already done and already know how to do, except that I am telling you to do it at least once a minute, every minute of the whole day tomorrow.  And if, indeed, you want to imagine, that there are other things more important to do, go right ahead and imagine it, but do not refrain from connecting with me at least once a minute every minute of the day tomorrow.
Now, why would I ask you to do something that could be construed to be ridiculous?  Because, Paul, in connecting with me consciously during every minute of the day tomorrow, you will be consistently being active, consciously active, from a Fourth-dimensional Conscious experience of Being, yourself.  It is not that I am so great that you ought to be in touch with me constantly.  It is that you are, in your right Mind, Fourth-dimensional also.
This practice is a means of bringing your point of conscious awareness to that place where the opportunity is present to experience your Self Fourth-dimensionally.  So, this is for you that I ask you to do it, and this is for you that you are to do it!  Use me as the means, the focal point, if you will, for accomplishing it.  And I am going to get more and more monotonously consistent in making this demand of you because of the fact that this is your next step.
Your next step at this moment is not the resolving of anyone else’s problems.  And because what I am telling you constitutes your real next step, then you will not be neglecting anything essential, humanly speaking, either.  And you do not need to fear that you personally, or any member of your immediate family, or anyone else who might feel an urgent need to speak with me, will suffer in the process.  Suffering will come from your not attending to the next step.  Discomfort comes from being incongruent with your Self.
I believe that I have made myself succinctly clear.  And you know what that means?  It means I have revealed and disclosed You to yourself with succinct clarity, which is what Guidance is all about, and which is what you are fundamentally desiring to have.  The question is: Are you going to kick against what you have gotten as a result of your asking in the right place for clarity?  Are you going to continue to have some other agenda to take care of first?  Are you going to insist upon taking care of some particular justifiable “loose ends” so that you can be, by definition, responsible, intelligent?
Your definition of responsibility and your definition of intelligence is irresponsible and unintelligent!  Why?  Because it doesn’t disclose to you the Truth.  It doesn’t uncover Reality.  It blinds you to your fulfillment.  Amen.
Now, you sit with that.  Literally, sit with that.
Paul:  I hear you loud and clear.
March 14 1991
Thursday

Raj:  Paul, you must remember, in spite of the hooks that seem to be grabbing for your attention, that you are on the Homing beacon.  I am reminding you that it is where you are, and movement is occurring.  I understand that some of the scenery passing by has a familiar “ring” to it, and I also understand that some of your innate conditioning is presenting itself more strongly to you as you are feeling stronger.
All of these dynamics seem to call for action.  And to you “action” has meant behavior arising out of memory.  In other words, behavior arising out of your best thinking, your best already-developed definitions.  But, this is not what is called for, because, as I said before, you are “riding the beam,” and riding the beam is now your new activity.  And you are not free to engage with the old definitions, the old concepts, the old interpretations and the habitual responses to them.  I am glad you chose to speak with me before you acted upon your old conclusions.
It is a difficult “lesson” to learn that you need do nothing—literally—because you have been a “doer” before.  When I say, you need do nothing, I mean you need do nothing as a doer, as an accomplisher.  The only actions that you need engage in from here on out are those which are arising directly out of Knowing, and which therefore represent or reflect Being.  Things will occur.  You will be active, but not as a doer acting out concepts.  Instead, the activities will simply be the most obvious movements or actions—and I say “obvious” because they will be incapable of being thought of separate from what you find yourself Knowing.  Thus they reflect or identify Being, rather than a doer.
Again, the beam, the Homing beacon, is in many ways like a birth canal.  And when the movement through the birth canal starts, all of the little habits acquired in the womb, all of the comfortable familiarities, must necessarily be abandoned.  One must yield to the movement and not try to squirm back in to have one last thumb-suck or one last stretch, or any other activity that had become identified as “the normal state of being.”  Schedules, habit patterns, that may have acquired a certain devotion, must be sacrificed, together with the devotion to them.
You must yield to a movement that you have no authority over, and no comprehension of the meaning of.  To yield to the Will of God means to yield to the movement of Being which is the only movement there is.  And therefore all that is being abandoned is an imaginary sense of capacity or ability to act, to be, independent of the only movement there is.
I will tell you something: You do not need any skill whatsoever to be the presence of the movement of Life, because you cannot stand separate and apart from It, which would be necessary in order to acquire a skill, to learn a skill, relative to living.  And so, humanly speaking, as you sit there at this moment and appear to be accomplishing absolutely nothing constructive, you are more clearly reflecting the movement of God, the movement of Being, which is Consciousness, Awareness.  The experience of being conscious is the experience of Being.  It is the movement of Being.
That there does not appear to be much of what you would have called “physical activity” simply means that Being is utterly appropriately expressed at this moment as “not much movement.”  But still, the presence of Mind, the presence of intelligence, the presence of Wisdom, the presence of Life, is actively expressing Itself and appearing this way.
You are wondering, “When is it going to appear as writing the bank deposit and getting it to be the bank?” as though somehow that were a more appropriate and more pressing need.  It is just a different form of expression of the same utter appropriateness which is appearing at this moment as you, almost immobile—just your lips moving, literally.  As you experience the movement of Being called pure conscious awareness, get the feel of it, because it is the feel that will be present whether you are making a deposit, whether you are eating, whether you are “doing a Conversation,” or whether you, yourself, are speaking with me, as you are at this moment.
I also want to remind you that as you are doing what is called speaking with me, you are simply being the presence of You without any overlay of conditioning, without any overlay of definitions.  Certainly definitions circle around you, so to speak, just out of clear range of vision, and seem to imply to you that there are things to be done.  But you are not choosing for them.  You are choosing for the experience of being on the beam, and again I encourage you to pay attention to the experience.
You are coming Home.  You are in “a process” of regaining Consciousness at this very instant.  And I encourage you to give ultimate permission—that simply meaning, withholding yourself in no way from the movement.  The more distracted you are from the communion, the more distracted you are from “my voice,” the more engaged you are in unconsciousness.  But, the more you let my voice fill your awareness, and the more you pay attention to the feeling of being free of the distractions of conditioned thinking and definitions, the more present you are Here where I am, Here where we—you and I—Are, and therefore, you are experiencing more of your right Mind.
Indeed, we are all Here with you.  Let go of the nagging feeling that you are neglecting something essential.  You are, indeed, neglecting illusion, and you are indeed neglecting to energize a sense of separateness.  You are indeed neglecting the sense of tininess.  You are indeed neglecting body identification—identifying with a body reclining on a bed and accomplishing nothing, physically speaking.  You certainly are neglecting those things.  But, those things are connected to definitions which substantiate a tiny sense of self, which does constitute a distraction from your being conscious of yourself Here with us as one of us.  And so, you are neglecting that which imprisons you.  You are neglecting that which renders you unconscious.
Now, although your voice is very peaceful, and although it might sound sluggish, you are not falling asleep.  You are not becoming unaware, unconscious.  I encourage you just to abide in this gentle, quiet awareness, this conscious experience of being Consciousness, as we speak.  And, as you are aware, although you are not verbalizing questions, we are involved in communion.  I know you and you know me.  You are not just listening.  I am listening also.
Movement is, indeed, occurring along the Homing beacon.  And you are presenting no resistance.  Susan is doing likewise.  Do you notice that your body is not providing any feedback of discomfort?  It is not providing any distraction.  And that is as it should be.  That is normal.  That is characteristic of the experience of being as Consciousness rather than the experience of being as a body.  Just continue to ride the beam, to abide in the experience you are having.
You are completely aware of everything around you.  You are not getting dreamy or dopey, are you?  And yet there is great peace.  Not empty peace.  Not meaningless peace.  But your peace isn’t gathered from the experiences of life that you are conscious of—the sound of traffic, the venetian blind banging in the window which tells you that there is a good breeze, the sensation of the air upon your skin.  The experiences of life are quite present.  The sound of traffic tells you of individualities about the business of life, you might say.
Again, this is an important experience to pay attention to, because being on the beam, moving toward Home, does not render you incapable of experiencing the infinitude of Life in the act of being.
[Long period of silence.]
Paul:  You have repeatedly indicated that you would like me to speak with you at least once a day, and I am here.
Raj:  And I am here also.  Indeed, we will utilize this time being conscious of being together for the next five minutes in quiet awareness.  Then we will continue.
[Five minutes spent in silence.]
Paul:  The five minutes is up.  And I would ask, is this really profitable?
Raj:  Unquestionably, Paul.  Indeed, it is.  Your habit of thinking will always draw you into the realm of activity, and further, it will always draw you into the past.  It will always pull your attention away from the Now of Consciousness in which the opportunity to be Awake awaits you.  The very strong images you experienced during the five minutes—of the remodeled house you grew up in—was just such a technique of the ego, of the conditioned thinking, to draw you literally away from the point of Conscious awareness into the unconscious experience of the three-dimensional frame of reference, which is always in the past.
You see, you cannot possibly think about that which is unfolding.  It is only after it has unfolded that it can be contemplated, thought about, judged, analyzed.  It is only after the fact that conclusions can be arrived at about it.  And the moment those activities are indulged in, one is no longer at the threshold of the movement of Conscious Being, the movement of Creation.
Paul:  Although I do not feel mentally unclear or cloudy or vague, this peace does feel dopey.  I mean that in the sense of my being tranquilized, and it feels as though I am not alert.
Raj:  Your ego, identified with and as body, equates alertness with physical movement, physical accomplishing.  But, I will tell you, Paul: In your almost total immobilization, the visibility and tangibility of you is a bundle of infinite activity—zillions of atoms, you might say—of energy pattern being fully energized, and there is nothing sluggish about it whatsoever.
Put humanly speaking, the power of the energy of the movement of those patterns of energy is greater than any atomic bomb that has ever been detonated.  And so it is ridiculous to believe the ego’s representation that you are dopey and inactive and absent of energy.  Energy is all there is.  Energy is all that is going on.  But, you see, It is not accomplishing anything.  It is just being.  Being perfectly.  Being the expression of the Intent of the Father.  You must not any longer define activity as physical movement, or as movements of physical accomplishment.
The mattress you are sitting on, the nightstand beside you, the headboard behind you, they aren’t going anywhere, are they, Paul?  Yet, they are constituted of absolute movement, and nothing else.  By what measuring stick does your ego decide that something which is not ultimately appropriate is occurring at this moment?  Has it checked in with me?  Has it checked in with the Father?  Has it checked in with the Holy Spirit?  Absolutely not.  It is, itself, the denial of us all.  By definition, it hasn’t.  And therefore, by definition, its sense of things is absolutely flawed.
Paul:  So, I am checking with you.  What I am doing at this very moment, or what my body is not doing at this movement, all of this is absolutely appropriate?
Raj:  Indeed, Paul.  Remember, the movement of Awareness is occurring on or through the Homing beacon, and the real movement is a movement of arousal, of regaining Consciousness.  And so, the focus, the issue, is not what your body is or isn’t doing.  That is a sense of body, and not the experience of Body, Itself, which you will have the experience of, truly, as you “come around,” Here, where we are—as you regain Consciousness.
Paul:  And so, you are saying instead of taking an overview of my body and the fact that it isn’t accomplishing anything—that that is an irrelevancy—my attention should be on the peace, the connection with you, the communion, and abiding there because, although I am not experiencing a sense of movement, you have indicated that movement along the Homing beacon is occurring.  Is that correct?
Raj:  That is absolutely correct, Paul, yes.
Paul:  And I suppose there is no way to hurry it up?
Raj:  Certainly not so that you can get onto the “accomplishing of things.”  And, indeed, the only way to “hurry it up” is to not engage in distractions, which would slow you down.
March 19 1991
Tuesday

Paul:  It has been a number of days since we have had a formal, daily conversation, even though I have touched base with you and have asked various questions pertinent to each day.
I guess I don’t know how to do this shift.  I don’t know what else to say.  So, I’ll leave it at that.
Raj:  Paul, the simple but profound fear that you are experiencing is that in cooperating with my instructions, you will cease to exist.  After all, if nothing goes through your mind and nothing is uttered from your mouth but what I am saying, then where, indeed, will Paul be?  Indeed, will what is present, uttering my words and experiencing the communications inwardly that I am providing, will that, then, be the new identity of Paul—like a walk-in that isn’t really Paul?  Will Paul ever be able to speak to friends again, or will it just always be Raj communicating with people whom Paul has known?  Has there not been any essential, real presence where Paul seemed to be, or used to be before the Voice for Truth began to be expressed from his lips?
These are, indeed, serious questions.  And, of course, ultimately, “Are you being misled by one who is unscrupulous?”
I will have to begin answering those questions with this statement: Indeed, there has been, and is, something essentially Real about you.  And the intent and result of this exercise of letting yourself be the transparency for Truth is not to eradicate That which has been Real about you, but to allow That which is Real about you to come forth in full bloom, you might say, without any aspect of It being covered up, hidden from view out of Awareness.
Even now, as we speak, you are aware of you.  You are aware of being.  You are aware that it is your mouth and your voice speaking these words, even though you are not originating these words in the way that you originate words when you are uncentered and reactive, not paying attention within.
You see, Paul, the fallacy is that you have been expressing in your life—aside from our communion and conversations—intelligence, as though it were really your intelligence, in the sense of it being a possession.  You think that you have been loving, kind, thoughtful, generous, as though they were possessions of yours, integral parts of you.  But, I will tell you something:  When you have expressed love, or when you have expressed truth, or when you have expressed intelligence, they have been a use which your mind has been put to by choice.  You have chosen to embody them, rather than other things, and express them, and let everyone think that they are expressions of the essential “you.”  Why cannot the Voice for Truth, why cannot the Christ presence, the Christ consciousness be embodied in the same way?
Oh, . . . because that’s not you.  But, Paul, the intelligence wasn’t you, either!  The love wasn’t you, either!  You see, nothing originates with you!  Not even humanly speaking.  You use intelligence, and your neighbor does not.  You express love and your neighbor does not.  You express forgiveness and your neighbor does not.  But, you see, it is always a choice; a choice to embody something which, by virtue of its being a choice, means that it doesn’t express that which is making the choice—just the motive of that which is making the choice.
Are you not happy to be around someone who expresses intelligence—one who chooses to express intelligence, rather than one who does not?  Do you not seek out the company of one who chooses to be loving rather than hateful?
Tell me something.  What would you think if he said to you, “Well, this is not really me that you’re experiencing.  This is just something that ‘comes through’ when I get out of the way.”  What would you think?  Wouldn’t you say, “Well, don’t get hung up on it, else I will find someone else who is not hung up on it and enjoy his expression of love, and his expression of intelligence”?
But, you say, “to express the presence of the Christ and let it appear to be me, is dishonest.”  Well, is there dishonesty when someone expresses intelligence instead of confusion?  Is it dishonest if someone expresses love instead of hate?  Is it dishonest if someone chooses to embody all that is truly meaningful instead of that which is useless, and even destructive?
One looks at another who has come to adulthood, or a stage of maturity, and he is expressing qualities of the sort that you have chosen to express in your life, and one says, “I am certainly glad that he made the decision to express those qualities rather than many of the others that seem to be on the list to choose from which are less pleasant, less desirable, less constructive.”  And one credits the other for the choice.
But, obviously that which made the choice is not constituted of the choices that were made, and therefore what you experience of that one is the result of the choices and not that which made the choice.
You see, what I am pointing out here is that at this point all there is to you is that which stands at the point of making a choice—the choice to embody and be the unrestricted full expression of Truth, Love, Life, Principle, Mind, Soul, and Spirit, instead of conceptual life, conceptual truth, conceptual love, agreed-upon definitions of principle, a sense of mind, a soul that is refining itself and growing, developing, becoming, and a spirit that is, depending upon the choices, either evil or good.
If it is not conceived to be dishonest to choose for intelligence which isn’t one’s own—because one has the choice for unintelligence, as well—then it is inconsistent to assume that the choice for the Voice for Truth is dishonest, that letting the Voice for Truth be one’s self-expression is dishonest, especially when It is meaningful and transformational and everyone else is so grateful that you or anyone else has made the choice for the Voice for Truth rather than conceptual truth, conditioned truth—mutually-agreed-upon truth that has nothing to do with Reality.
What are you going to choose to embody?  The Voice for Truth, or a private, separated ego sense of Paul?  What is it that you are going to choose to identify you, or at the least identify your choice and your fundamental motives?  You see, the stumbling block here is the belief that the intelligence and the love and the truth, et cetera, that you have been expressing was, indeed, a possession of yours, an attribute of yours that gave you some semblance of substance and, I will say, authority.  But, they were not.  And so, the apparent sacrifice is not a sacrifice at all.  It is a shift of choices.  That is all.
Are you going to channel your ego, or are you going to channel the Voice for Truth?  That is really the issue here, because you are no more the ego than you are the Voice for Truth.
Now, the great miracle in all of this is that when you choose to be the embodiment and expression of the Voice for Truth, you wake up!  And when you are choosing for your own limited capacity to reason and think and come to conclusions and make decisions, and apparently act authoritatively, you are bound in a dream of existence.  And no matter how many others are joined with you in that dream, it remains a dream, and it substantiates the dream.
So, you cannot rely upon the thousands or even millions of mankind who stand in agreement with your limited self-perception as justification for not making the choice to express and embody the Voice for Truth, nor can your departure from that agreement and your choice to embody the Voice for Truth be truly judged as a dishonest or arrogant limited self-appraisal, because as you are well aware, it does not amount to a self-appraisal.  When you are making the choice for the Voice for Truth, it does not appear to be a choice for That which You Are.  But it is a choice for that which inescapably provides the experience of Integrity and Peace and invulnerability, which the choice for the ego and the dream never did provide—which gives you a clue that you are on the right track.
I will repeat it again: The great miracle of this is that when you make the choice to express and embody the Voice for Truth, you wake up!  You come back into your right Mind.  And the Brotherhood and the Kingdom of Heaven that you are in becomes illuminated to you as It is—not as it is perceived to be from within the limited ego frame of reference.
This you will have to trust me on.  But you do not have to trust me on the fact that when you make the choice to Listen, to be present with and express the Voice for Truth, you experience your Self more clearly as having Integrity, as being invulnerable, as being at peace—not just absent of anxiety, but in a rich, deep, broad experience of Peace that feels good and is, for lack of better words, nourishing to every fibre of your Being.
Let it be very clear to you that the ego that you would channel is an authoritative sense of self which is totally illusory.  If you are experiencing a sense of authority and the high that comes with it, you may know that you are out of touch with Reality.  But, if you are expressing the Voice for Truth, and are experiencing no sense of authority or authorship whatsoever, you are in the process of waking up, and you are closer to the Truth, experientially, than ever before.
Know also that the sense of authorship experienced from the ego standpoint is a sense of claiming that you are intelligent.  It is a matter of claiming that you are loving, when even in the dream that is not the case, because in the dream you seem to have the choice for being intelligent or unintelligent, reasonable or unreasonable, loving or hateful, kind or cruel.  Obviously you cannot be either one of those pairs, because you have made a conscious choice for one or the other.  In other words, you have adopted one or the other as expressive of what you value.  And then you have practiced at embodying the choice you have made.  So, you see, it doesn’t really constitute a real Authorship.
Honesty or dishonesty is not the issue here.  Whether you are making a false claim and sacrificing what was real and didn’t need to be claimed, is not the issue here.  The issue is whether you are going to choose for the powerless vantage point of the ego which promises power, or the powerless vantage point of your Being, which is omnipotent and therefore doesn’t promise power, but which, because It is omnipotent, is powerful, with no occasion to utilize it powerfully, and therefore never implies, insinuates, or suggests a potential for power.
You see, the suggestion is that you are sacrificing something of substance for something which is hollow.  But what you must realize is that the “something of substance” called the ego frame of reference is hollow also!  It is empty of Reality, and your Being is empty of illusion.
You must make the choice, and after you make the choice for the Voice for Truth and the shift occurs, we will then talk about the dishonesty of it . . . if, at that point, you feel so inclined to pursue the subject.
March 20 1991
Wednesday

Paul:  There are still many unanswered questions.  And when I consider them, it all becomes very confusing, and I even question whether the questions are valid, or whether they, themselves, constitute a distraction.
As you can see, I am confused.  Nevertheless, I obviously need to know more.  I will say that my confusion lies in the lack of being able to make a connection between what you are saying and the meeting of our daily needs, or the practical aspects of, let us say, putting out the Newsletter, or any publications, the distribution of the materials, et cetera.  Anyway, help me get my nose pointed in the right direction.
Raj:  Paul, the problem is that you start considering the questions before you have joined in Communion with me.  And thus, you are considering the questions from the standpoint of the ego, from the standpoint of thinking and reasoning and coming to conclusions—the time-worn process of remaining ignorant.  So, do not be surprised.  And also, do not take the distress associated with this process as valid.
The problem is that you only consciously align yourself with the Homing beacon when you are going to speak with me, or when a Conversation with someone else is going to occur—a Conversation someone else is going to have with me.  And, indeed, one of your considerations has been, what if you began your day as though it were the same as approaching a Conversation.  And, Paul, you stymie yourself by trying to imagine what that would be like, or how it would work.  As you have said jokingly, “How does Raj play Pictionary?”  Or how would one Who is totally Awake play games or engage in the daily events of life?
Well, you cannot arrive at an understanding of that through logic and reasoning and figuring things out.  You must do it to find out.  And I encourage you to do it with a sense of exploration, a sense of curiosity, as always.  The elements always remain the same, Paul—the practice of becoming Centered, and then engaging curiosity, and then Listening.  In other words, being out from the awareness that is experienced as a result of being Centered with a single-minded devotion to Listening, and then Hearing—or, more accurately, Knowing what is appropriate.
Treat every event of your day as a stepping-stone or trigger to Knowing.  I will promise you that once you begin to do this, the concern you have felt about sacrificing yourself by giving your attention entirely to Listening and Hearing will dissolve completely.
Now, whenever you or anyone else engages in a Conversation with me, you are engaging in Communion.  And if you approached your day and the apparent demands of it, and the dynamics and elements of it, as though they were in Communion with me, and therefore ultimately in Communion with You, your perception would become radically altered—not only your perception of yourself, but your perception of the day and its elements or dynamics.
Treat your involvement with the many aspects of your day as a holy opportunity for the experience of Communion.
I will counter that thought by pointing out that you did not know what to expect when you first opened up to inner guidance.  And you do not have to know what to expect in order to simply embellish the experience of Communion that you are already well familiar with by embracing every other aspect of your day and night in the same way that you embrace “formal Conversations with Raj,” or “Workshops.”
Now, we are going to stop for a moment.  I do not want you to think about what I have said.  I want you to abide with it for a short time, here, and then we will continue.
[Short pause.]
Now, I am not going to elaborate further on this point at this time.  But I am going to encourage you to dare to treat every life experience in your day with the same reverence, the same devotion that you treat the Conversations which others have with me.
You already know that everyone comes to me for the purpose of having his/her divinity recognized.  I want you to start treating every aspect of your day in the same way, whether it is a tree that you are looking at, or an automobile, or your wife, or your son, or any aspect of your day—the bills that come in, et cetera.  Treat them as that which comes for the purpose of having its divinity recognized, not your current definition of it.  This is very important, and I encourage you to do it with some pleasure.  Have a good time with it.
Now, the meaning of the film, War Games, was crystallized in the line, “The only way to win the game, is not to play the game at all.”  What do you suppose the first move of ego-hood was which constituted what has come to be called “The Fall”?  I will tell you.  It was the question, “Who am I?”
Why do you think you are having trouble with your identity?  It is because in the process of undoing the movement away from Home, you have been brought back to that initial act of separation—”Who am I?”  And if you don’t refrain from asking that question right now, you will not get past that initial act of departure from Sanity into your Wholeness.  It is completely inevitable and natural that this issue would come up at this point, because it is the last part of the undoing.
You have, for the better part of your life, this lifetime—and, of course, any prior lifetimes—felt fairly confident that you knew who you were.  But now, as you have engaged for the past nine years in being the expression of something that you cannot identify as you, and now you are at a point of being asked to let there be nothing else present where you are but this that you cannot identify as you, this question of who you are becomes paramount to you, and confusing to you, because there seem to be two things going on—you, being who you think you are and have thought you always knew you were, and you, being the presence of something very meaningful, but which you cannot account for.  And literally, to get past this impasse, you must simply stop asking and trying to find out who you are.
Tell me, what must inevitably follow such a question as, “Who am I”?  It must necessarily be a cognitive process of thinking and reasoning and logic which brings you to a conclusion called a “definition.”
I will point out something to you: Biblically speaking, in the Adam and Eve Allegory, what was the first answer that was the result of that question?  The first answer was, “I am ashamed.”  The first answer was guilt!  The first answer was that which called for forgiveness.  That is always the result of the first move of the ego.  Then there was a sense of being a man and a woman.  And, of course, once those definitions were arrived at, the questions were, “Well, what is that?” and, “What is that?” and, “What is that?” and, “What is that?”  And more definitions came tumbling forth.  And the only way to win this game of illusion is not to play the game at all.
The only way not to play the game is not to make the first move.  And the first move is the question, “Who am I?”  And so, if you are going to undo the game, you are going to have to stop asking, “Who am I?”  You are going to have to stop energizing and validating that question.
You Are!  You are not a “who” or a “what.”  You Are!  And the proof of your existence is the experience of Consciousness.  And the experience of Consciousness is the experience of Knowing.  But that is not a thing.  That is not an object.  That is not something that can be defined.  It is a fluid movement of being.  And so, understand why you are having this problem at this time, and that the confusion about who you are, and whether you are going to be giving up who you are, is totally illusory, and is an essential quest . . . ion that needs to be dropped from your awareness.  It needs to be released.
Now, that is what you do when these conversation occur.  That is what you are doing at this moment.  You are not asking who you are, and the experience of Knowing is occurring.  And you are very conscious of being.  But what it is you are is irrelevant, because it is full of the Meaning of Knowing.
The age-old question, “Who am I?” is a straw dog.  It is bait.  The suggestion is that if you can find out who you are, you will be fulfilled.  And it has been a lie!
So, now you are at a point of having the conscious opportunity to release that first move away from Home.  And that is why it seems so paramount.  I will leave you on that point for the time being.
March 21 1991
Thursday

Paul:  I don’t have any new questions.  I still don’t have satisfactory answers to the old questions.  The answers are beautiful, intellectually stimulating.  They are the Truth—that is my experience of them—but, no shift has occurred.  And, you have indicated that the work cannot continue until the shift has occurred.  I do feel on a cusp, but I feel stuck.  And I will have to admit that I am beginning to feel some pressure to get unstuck because of the simple demands—survival demands, let’s put it that way.
So, you indicated that you would like to speak daily, and I am here.  And I would like to hear whatever you have to say.
Raj:  Paul, there is so much that is jelling at this very instant that if you knew, you would chuckle with us at your very question.  Although, since you are not aware of it, your question is very understandable.
It is important for you to be patient.  Allow this to sink in.  Allow it to jell.  Allow it to fall into place and make ultimate sense.
You are very clear, conceptually speaking, on the fact that in order to come out of your ignorance, in order to come out of your “amnesia,” you must home in on something that is part of the Real world.  You must home in on something that is part of the Kingdom of Heaven which Knows that It is part of the Kingdom of Heaven, because that is where you will regain consciousness, and that is where you will find that you have been all along.
I cannot at this point embellish what has already been said to you, because the connections have to occur consciously.  And, as I said, they are jelling.  I want you to understand that the seeming pressure of three-dimensional circumstances are distorted perceptions of the impending movement of regaining Consciousness.  They do not represent actual three-dimensional needs, per se.  The feeling of pressure you are experiencing is the gathering energy of the movement of realization—not just the realization of an idea, but a realization of You, a realization of Who You Are, divinely speaking.  Not as a result of a question, but as a result of being.
You will, indeed, know Who You Are, but you will not know it until you let go of who you think you are.  And the experience of Who You Are will not be constructed of definitions, but of the experience of being the presence of God, the presence of Mind that is, as I have said so many times, the Movement of Creation.
Now, for me to continue would belabor the point, because at the moment you cannot see more than you are seeing.  Simply know that you are not stuck.  There is not a lack of movement.  The pieces are falling into place.  And it is not going to take so long, humanly speaking, that your human experience falls apart at the seams.
We will be talking tomorrow, but we cannot constructively talk further at this time.  Now, do not lie down and fret about things.  Lie down with a calm confidence that what I have said is true, and let there be peace, and allow this jelling to occur.  And know that there are many of us standing in a chorus of support for your regaining Consciousness, and will be actively present with you all night long, and on into the day tomorrow in a most active manner.
March 22 1991
Friday

Paul:  Okay.  Here I am.  And, I do wish to thank you and those who were, as you put it, standing in a chorus of support, for being present all night and into the day, because, indeed, there is a greater sense of stableness today.  And, I don’t come with questions, but with desire to hear what you have to say.
Raj:  Indeed, Paul, the evenness and peace you are experiencing is, from our standpoint, an indication of less preoccupation with the elements of unconsciousness, and a more consistent presence of attention Here with us—or, you could say, Here where You Are.
The stability of this presence Here, even if it is a minimal conscious experience of “being Here” for you, is the manifestation of the jelling which I referred to last night.  And so you may gather, thereby, that the jelling is not a matter of intellectual aha’s on your part from your limited frame of reference, which would then allow you to more effectively move forward on stepping-stones of further refined intellectual processes.
I have said before, you will not understand your way into the Kingdom of Heaven.  You will yield into It.  And you know what that means?  It means less and less effort being put forth by you intellectually, or as “a mind” which is reasoning its way through the blocks to its fulfillment.  When you are yielding into the Kingdom of Heaven, you are yielding up the activities of mind that have heretofore identified you to you.
What I want you to notice is that as the yielding occurs, there is what you might call greater detachment from your world—and I mean by that, greater detachment from the apparent threats to your safety and well being which seems to be part of the world you are perceiving—and what you might call a greater capacity to experience the Peace of your Being, which, as I indicated, is really the stabilizing of your being minimally Conscious in Reality, Here where we are, Here where You Are, truly.
You cannot lift yourself up by your bootstraps into the Kingdom of Heaven because you are Here, and you have been Here all along.  Any effort to lift yourself by your bootstraps must be done within the limited three-dimensional frame of reference and will constitute a limited three-dimensional action which will, of course, necessarily substantiate your existence three-dimensionally—or shall I say, ignorantly.
This is why it is said that your fulfillment is by the grace of God, not by the grace of your skill or ability or strength or persistence or practice of obediences or religious ritual.  You experience your fulfillment and wake up in the Kingdom of Heaven by the grace of God.  And let me tell you something: the grace of God is not a special dispensation to you or anyone else.  It is not that on the day you wake up, God will sign the divine decree for you and, by His grace, you will be the one at that moment to wake up.
You see, literally the reason you don’t have to do anything to wake up in the Kingdom of Heaven and manage to escape the three-dimensional frame of reference is because you never were in the three-dimensional frame of reference and have always been in the Kingdom of Heaven.  It is only the private, personal sense of self which experiences itself within its own self-imposed limits that would, by virtue of some great effort on its part, have to do something to deserve or earn the right to wake up.
You wake up by the grace of God—meaning by virtue of putting forth no effort yourself as a tiny three-dimensional mortal—because you are in the Kingdom of Heaven, and you are the Christ.  You are the presence of God expressed.  And that is why you, as a three-dimensional finite limited mortal need do nothing!
I mentioned last night that it is necessary for you to pay attention to something which is Fourth-dimensional, and which Knows Itself to be Fourth-dimensional—and that is called Joining.  But, let me ask you, since you have had a great deal of experience in this:  When you join with me, does that constitute any kind of overt three-dimensional action?  Indeed, the answer is, absolutely not.  It requires that you become defenseless.  It requires that you become still—meaning, that you are exercising no willfulness in the form of thinking, which obscures your ability to join with That which is Fourth-dimensional, and thereby access your experience of your Fourth-dimensionality, your divinity, your presence Here in the Kingdom of Heaven.  It means letting in!  It means being receptive.  It means not being aggressively, actively present in the world, three-dimensionally speaking.
So, literally, Joining is not a joining in a masculine sense, but in a feminine sense.  And, indeed, I am specifically referring to masculine and feminine sexual joining.  The more relaxed and flexible and yielding, and the less controlled, the more fulfilling is the experience for the female partner.
Now, you are very much present with us today.  I am not saying that you are more Conscious, but you are more consistent in the degree of Consciousness.  The more you can remember that this is not an effortful process, and that indeed all you need do is be attentive to my Voice, and therefore attentive to the fact that there must be a source for this Voice and a “place” for this presence to be, along with others, the easier it will be for your point of awareness to emerge further and further into the experience of Conscious awareness.
It is natural for you to be in your right Mind, and therefore, when there is less strenuous effort to maintain a limited frame of reference and definition of everything, waking up begins to happen spontaneously.
Indeed, it is not necessary for us to talk continuously, because even in your silence, even in my silence, there is a most active connection Here.  And I am pleased that you are not asking about your identity.  That also is part of what is contributing to the continuity and stability of your being present Here, even though your experience of being Here is at the moment confined to an uninterrupted experience of Peace, and of our presence—I mean by that, those of us who are Here with you, standing, again, in active chorus of support.
I encourage you simply to experience being Conscious, as you are.  I also want to tell you that where you are, Here, with us, is a “place” that you are totally familiar with.  When you have a night dream and find yourself in an exotic or peculiar environment, and the alarm goes off and you wake up and instantaneously find yourself in your bedroom—a place quite different from the exotic or peculiar environment you had been experiencing—you may say, “What?  What?”  But, you will immediately notice that you are in the real world, your bedroom that you are completely familiar with.  Even so, this process of regaining Consciousness, although it will embrace experiences not included in the dream—the three-dimensional-only frame of reference—will nevertheless be one that you have been eternally familiar with.  And you will know us, and you will know your Self, and you will know this Place, Reality, the Kingdom of Heaven.
Stay on the tone, the feel of the Peace, and of the experience of not being alone in that Peace.  And although no actual movement is occurring, I can only say that there is clearer conscious presence Here exhibited by you.
Paul:  Continue.
Raj:  Yes, you wake up from a night dream through an overt exertion of will.  And you wake up from the day dream, you wake up into the Kingdom of Heaven, through an utter absence of will.
Now, you are beginning to wander—not by virtue of thinking, but, indeed, by virtue of paying attention to the meditative state you find yourself to be in.  The meditative state is not the focus.  Stay connected with me and the feeling of union with all of us present.
[Phone rang, followed by a period of meditation.]
Paul:  I have been sitting here for a good half hour.  Anyway, it’s been quite awhile.  And I’m wondering if anything is happening, or whether I have just slipped into, let’s say, a three-dimensional meditation—whatever that means?
Raj:  The key point is, Paul, that during this period, you have been asking me if I am here, and you have been listening to me say, “Listen to my voice.”  “Listen to my voice.”  Over and over.  Understand, Paul, that you do not have to move yourself from anywhere to anywhere.  You cannot, because there is no “where” to move to, since you are doing all of this from your destination—or, you might say, from the point of departure into your dream.
Again, the key is to listen to my Voice.
March 25 1991
Monday

Raj:  You are beginning to get the idea, Paul.  It is not necessary for you to understand.  It is only necessary for you to be with me and, as Susan said, be the Door.
You have no idea What stands behind the Threshold pressing, literally, to move through.  But you are feeling the pressure.  You are feeling the presence of It.  I will tell you something: The Door has no definition aside from its function.  The Threshold has no definition aside from its function.  And its function is to be that Place over which or through which God is Self-expressed.
I fully understand the fact that your training, and, indeed, the approach of those around you is that you are accountable, and therefore you need to be able to account for yourself.  But, I will tell you something, Paul: You cannot account for being the Door, for being the Threshold, if the function of the Threshold is not occurring.  If the movement of Being is not moving over It, It can’t be accounted for.  And so it is essential for you to drop the conditioning which says that you must be able to account for yourself as a Threshold before It fulfills Its function.  After It fulfills Its function, there is no need to account for It.  And even if others then want an accounting, which would require the Threshold to cease performing Its function so that It could define or account for Itself, you must realize that what is being required cannot be done.  Therefore you must neglect to respond, and you must neglect to feel that some sort of response ought to be able to be forthcoming.
You do not amount to anything on your own, because you don’t exist on your own!  Therefore, you cannot account for yourself on your own.  The demand of others for you to account for yourself on your own, so that they can continue to believe that they can account for themselves on their own, must not be played into.  It is, again, like accounting for where your lap goes when you stand up.
When we do a Workshop, you do not attempt to conceptualize ahead of time what will happen.  You do not require yourself to understand the “plan,” as though there were a plan.  And the Workshops happen.  And they are beautiful.  They are meaningful.  They are transformational.  Why then would you attempt to understand ahead of time what being Fourth-dimensional will mean, and how you will play Pictionary or engage in any other activity?
Life is not going to unfold according to any preconceptions.  You could make assumptions as to what would be covered in a Workshop, but it would be a fruitless expenditure of energy, because you, from a personal, private standpoint, cannot govern the movement of Life, and what will really spontaneously and actually occur will occur in spite of your preconceptions.
I want to point out to you that the antsy-ness which you are experiencing is the feeling of the activity of the Movement “waiting” to move over the threshold.  But if you are insisting upon comprehending who you are as the Door, you will be inclined, as something separate from Its function, to act on your own.
The suggestion that you ought to be able to account for yourself will promote acts of accounting for yourself without engaging in the function of your Being.  You will simply continue the attempt to function as an ego—except that your ego is crumbling.  Where in the past you had been able to account for yourself pretty well, any attempts you now make to account for yourself will be disastrous—absolutely unsuccessful.  Therefore, do not bother.  Do not waste your time.
Paul:  I am experiencing silence.  Am I blocking, or are you simply not saying anything?
Raj:  I am not saying anything.
Paul:  Well, I’m still stuck.  I mean by that that the demands confronting me are still confronting me.  Do I just sit here and wait until you say something again, and feel confident that the silence, and my sitting here in the silence, is an appropriate use of my time when I don’t seem to be addressing the very severe demands?
Raj:  No, Paul.  You give permission to Know by desiring to Know.  And the manner in which you find it easiest to Know something is to ask a question.
Paul:  I guess the simplest question would be, can you speak to the issue of accountability?
Raj:  With pleasure.
The only things one can be accountable for are his own creations.  And the only one someone can be accountable to, is someone other than himself, because left to oneself one simply experiences the fullness of Life as It unfolds Itself—one experiences the fullness of his Being as It unfolds Itself.  Therefore, Paul, accountability is an ego dynamic brought into play by the belief that one is a personal, private creator, separate from the Movement of Creation, Itself, which only God is responsible for.
Now, it is essential to understand that it takes two to play the game of Accountability.  In the Allegory in the third chapter of Genesis, Eve tasted the apple and found it good to be eaten.  There was not immediately shame or guilt.  It was when she offered it to Adam and he ate of it that they found themselves, together, experiencing shame.  In other words, Eve, in her relationship with the Father, was not judged of the Father.  This is an important point.  There were not two present, acting in concert in disobedience to the Father.  There was just the Father and Eve.  There was the Father and his Self-expression.
Guilt is an impossible experience in one’s relation with the Father, even if one seems to be acting independent of the Father.  You see, at this point a joining in the act of disobedience had not occurred, and therefore a joining in agreed-upon disobedience had not occurred.  The only relationship existing, still, was that of the Father and His Self-expression, which was still pure.  No joining in delusion had occurred because the Father cannot relate to his Self-expression in a deluded manner.  Just as there is no guilt in the presence of the Father, there also is no experience of shame.  And this is why, as one approaches the Father, no matter how far off track that one seems to have gotten, there is an absolving of guilt and shame.
I will tell you something: It is only the sense of ego joined with another sense of ego in which the experience of shame or guilt occurs and seems to be real.  Only when Adam partook of the apple—which really meant when he agreed with Eve to act at odds with the Father’s Will—did the experience of shame and guilt and the call for forgiveness come into play.
It is not the Father Who blames.  It is not the Father Who holds you or anyone else in a state of loss of grace.  It is not the Father Who hands down a judgment.  It is not the Father who exacts penalty.  What does this mean, then?  It means that egos join together in creating the definition and judgment of shame and guilt which holds everyone guilty.  It is the joining of egos which results in the exaction of a penalty to be paid before one’s Birthright and the Kingdom of Heaven can be experienced again.
Do you see why forgiveness is essential to Awakening, and why it is central to the Course?14  It is the withdrawal of judgment, by means of which you hold your fellow man in bondage to his separated sense of himself from the Father.  You see, men hold each other accountable.  It is suggested that you are held accountable for your good works, that you need to handle yourself in a way whereby you can account for yourself as worthwhile, and dependable, and meaningful, and contributive, et cetera.  But this is just a cover-up for the accountability for your sins, for the negative.  After all, if you can have enough gold stars in your portfolio, if you can have enough diplomas, if you can have enough credits, et cetera, then it is by means of this that you absolve yourself of the unstated, untalked-about accountability for your sins, for the mutually-agreed-upon shame which came into play by mutually agreeing to act at odds with the Will of the Father.
So, it has become a worthy endeavor to handle yourself in a way which allows you to account for yourself with pride, rather than having to account for yourself with the feeling of guilt.  But, I will tell you something: It doesn’t undo the fundamental accountability for guilt which was caused by, and continues to be maintained by, all attempts to be a good separated human being, instead of letting go of the mutual agreement with other egos to act as though there is not a God; to act as though, indeed, you are bastards, and that you are not the direct and only Self-expression of the Father.
Graduation, literally, is the process by which you do release that fundamental mutual agreement, and the shame, guilt, and associated penalties which are inherent in it.  Graduation is when you say, “Thy Will be done, not mine,” and you never, ever again, rely upon your sense of capacity to have a will of your own.  You desire to know the Will of the Father and nothing else, which you do by means of Listening—as you are doing at this very moment as I speak.
Again, as you have found, this puts you in the middle of an experience which you cannot account for, and which others’ demands for you to “account for” cannot be met.  You must understand the dynamics of this coercion to be held accountable—the coercion from your own conditioned thinking and the coercion of the conditioned thinking of those around you.  You must come back at least to the point in the Allegory of Eve having eaten the apple, having been disobedient, but not having joined in relationship yet with any one or anything other than the Father.  Even though she was, shall I say, exploring the act of disobedience, she was still held in the perfection of her inseparable Oneness with the Father, because there had been no joining with another, which was essential in order to establish a “real” sense of separation.  At this point Eve had not embraced and limited herself to the three-dimensional-only frame of reference.
Now, when you are relating to me alone, you are not relating to a person, a personality, a finite sense of self-hood.  You are, as I have said before, relating to That which is standing as the Door also, in full commitment.  And thus, you experience in me the Father’s Will expressed.  So, you are, through me, in direct relationship with the Father.
In your willingness to withdraw from mutual agreement with other egos, and to the degree that you are willing to make commitment to withdraw from your best sense of being a human being—a private mind—and join with me, you are joining with the Father, which moves you back into that point in the Allegory where Eve was only existing in relationship to the Father, but had acted at odds with His Will.  This brings you back into your innocence!  Her disobedience is not what made her guilty.  It was the joining in disobedience with another, other than the Father, which produced not only the illusion of shame and guilt, but the whole distorted experience of the Garden of Eden, the Kingdom of Heaven, and Who she really was as God-expressed.
The demand for accountability is a demand for you to declare yourself and your credibility.  But you have no such credibility, and you have no such self.  Your presence is the declaration of God’s Presence.  That is the Fact about you, and that cannot be accounted for, humanly speaking.  That cannot be accounted for within the scope of the definitions which the separated sense of self has applied to every aspect of the Kingdom of Heaven, and thus create a confusing and distorted experience of It.
Now, we are going to take this to an even finer point, here.
As I have explained, Eve’s eating of the apple did not make her a sinner.  It did not cause her to experience separation from the Father.  Therefore, her individual act of disobedience did not create illusion!  Therefore, your individual acts of disobedience have not created illusion, and have not caused you to be a sinner, a lost, fallen child of God!  The sense of sin and the experience of illusion arise entirely out of a joining with another in agreement to act at odds with the Father—in other words, to have a mutual intent which is incongruent with the Father’s Will.  It is in this mutual agreement, and not in the acts, themselves, that all illusion has taken on apparent substance and form.
Do you understand what this means?  It means that no one is responsible for the illusion.  The illusions is, we will say, the mental miasma arising out of a sense of comeraderie, coming forth from a totally false sense of somehow, by virtue of the joining, being able to actually be disobedient to the Father.
It is like two children, hiding out behind the shed, making a cigarette out of corn silks, and sitting there in delight saying, “My father will kill me,”  “My mother would kill me if she knew what we were doing,” when the mother and father are absolutely incapable of even becoming angry because their nature is love and it is incomprehensible to them that this silly behavior behind the shed is just cause for judgment of any kind, or that it calls for anything other than just slight amusement at the fantasy of the children.
But, nevertheless, the children, believing their own fantasies, can develop a sense of guilt and fear, which alter their behavior toward their parents and strengthen the behavior of the shared illusion, the shared negative fantasy.  Although their fantasy is not congruent with reality at all, they carry a sense of guilt which their all-wise parents are not laying upon them.  But because of the fearful face they have projected from their childish fantasy upon their parents, they begin to fear the retribution, and the strength of their relationship with their parents becomes replaced with the strength of the relationship they have established between each other by virtue of their shared negative fantasy.
You can see, hereby, that they are suffering not from their individual acts of smoking the corn silks, but are suffering from the faith they have in their shared experience of fantasy, their shared agreement to feel guilty.
As time passes, they will begin to define each other by means of their mutual agreement that they are guilty, having become estranged from their parents by virtue of their fantasized imagination of their parents’ anger and retribution.  Then, whenever they might have an inspired feeling of their worth and express it, the other will say, “Who do you think you are?  We both know that you’re guilty.  We both know that we are guilty.”  And then, if the going gets tough and one of them says, “I think I want to invest less energy in the relationship which is constituted of our mutual ignorance, and I want to go Home, I want to renew my relationship with my father and my mother,” that one’s own conditioning, together with reinforcement from the other partner, will say, “You cannot do that.  Too much water has gone under the bridge.  Your accumulated actions, based upon your guilt, will make you absolutely unacceptable.”
Now, even though actions aren’t occurring out behind the shed, the mother and the father in their wisdom and love say, with a smile on their face, “Their suffering is meaningless, and they are welcome home, and we love them as we have all along.”
The point is that each one, every single individuality, really only has one relationship, and that relationship is with the Father, Mother God.  And any acts of willfulness have not constituted a sin and cannot cause a sense of separation, and do not create shame, guilt, or the necessity of a penalty being paid.  Therefore, no one is responsible for the sense of shame, or of guilt, or of the necessity for penalty.  No one is responsible for the deluded sense of the Kingdom of Heaven.
Even when two individualities come together and mutually agree to be disobedient, it is not the individuals who create the sense of shame, and guilt, and penalty due a sinner, because they individually remain exactly what they Are—the direct expression of the Father, sinless—although penalty and suffering seem real.  It is all the result of mutually-agreed-upon guilt and attempts from within that framework of guilt to account for oneself intelligently, lovingly, reasonably, so as to overcome the guilt which is only seeming to exist from within the mutual agreement.  You understand that a mutual agreement is an intellectual phenomenon, not a real one.
Indeed, the veil that is to be lifted, is the veil of this mutual agreement—this snickering, gleeful, fearful, thrilling mutual agreement to imagine that one can actually disobey the Father and lose His love, when the Father is Love and is incapable of anything else.  So, Graduation and Awakening amount to withdrawing from the mutual agreement, neglecting to bother to account for oneself—either in order to equal one’s inner concept of being a good person or to equal others’ definitions of what equals a good person—and, rather, listening within to hear the Father’s Voice as It moves across the threshold, moves through the Door that you Are, and letting the chips fall where they may.
No one individual can be accountable for illusion if illusion has arisen out of a mutual agreement to indulge in fantasy and believe that the fantasy is more real than Reality.
_______________________
A Course In Miracles.
March 29 1991
Friday

Paul:  I need to hear anything you have to say at this time.
Raj:  Paul, the impasse you find yourself at is a temptation—a temptation to take things in your own hands, to revert to your conditioned, historical behavior and means of dealing with situations.  Indeed, this is exactly the time when self-protection is unnecessary!  This is the time when it is unavoidably important for you to insist upon staying in touch with me, just as those circumstances where something unlovely is confronting you are exactly the time that love is called for, and not the typical, habitual, conditioned response of revulsion.
Is the Father presenting you with a threatening experience?  Absolutely not.  Is the Kingdom of Heaven unfolding a crisis?  Inconceivable.  Then, Paul, the fact is that you are not confronted with what your ego, your conditioned thinking, is defining as a crisis, and you are not faced with anything less than the manifestation of Love.
You project doom, based upon ignorance—based upon limited perception.  And is this going to cause you to more firmly depend upon limited perception, especially in light of everything we have been speaking about?  No, indeed.  I will acknowledge that although you have come close to taking action based upon memory and acquired “intelligent” movements of response, you have not acted, and you have insisted upon coming back to me for this conversation before doing anything further.
I will not ever recommend that you take actions which will be detrimental to you—harmful, injurious.  Our relationship is one in which there is only one function.  That function is to reveal, illuminate, and bring forth as conscious experience, your Self—which, of course, means the conscious experience of your union with the Father.  In Biblical terms it does indeed mean letting that mind be in you which was also, and is also, in me.  It means claiming no other mind that can function independent from and at odds with the infinite and only Mind there is, and therefore the infinite and only Identity you could possibly have.  Your ego is self-derived.  Your Consciousness, your Being, is God-derived.
Now, who or what are you going to cast your lot with?  In what are you going to invest your faith?  In what are you going to trust?  Shall we trust the ego just a little bit longer until you get over this hurdle, until your rent is paid and your bills are paid, and then you’ll ease up and check in with me once in awhile, connect with your Birthright once in awhile?  The Biblical injunction is, “Choose ye!”  Make the choice!
Paul:  All right.  My next question would be, how do I do that at times other than when I am specifically talking with you like this, or we are engaged in a Workshop, or when people are speaking with you?  How do I do it at times other than those?
Raj:  Simply, Paul, by being present with me instead of the activity.  I mean by that: All the while you are engaged in the activity, be present with me, just as you are in a conversation or in a Workshop.  You are obviously present in a Workshop or in a conversation.  You are sitting in your chair.  You are moving your hands and arms.  Your mouth, your tongue, your vocal cords are all moving.  There is most certainly activity.  You will shift your position in your chair, et cetera, but you are not attentive to the circumstances or the one with whom you are speaking.  You are abiding consciously with me.  And the result is that you are more truly present with whoever is speaking with me, and with your world.
I will make it very simple, here.  When you are aligned with me, you are experiencing a holy relationship.  When you are aligned with your fellow man or anything in your world, you are in a special relationship.  This ultimately means that all illusion is a result of special relationships!  The veil that will be rent in Awakening is, indeed, the veil of special relationships, including the illusion called the ego.  Needless to say, this is the key point.
Such a statement could imply that one must withdraw from relationships with his or her fellow human beings and engage in a relationship with his Guide, or the Holy Spirit, or God, and that this would constitute a rejection of what you recognize to be human relationships.  If this were believed, it would be disastrous.
The fact is that when one is in a special relationship, one is in no relationship, because each of the partners in the relationship is represented only by the sense of self which has developed in the fundamental context of disregard for the Father, disregard for the essential element of each partner’s Being.  There is no one real present in the relationship because the sense of who each one is grew out of the mutually-agreed-upon decision to be whatever the two, together, decided to define themselves as.  And the definition is never the thing.
However, because you have become accustomed to the definition of yourself, and your others have become accustomed to their definition of you and of themselves, abandoning the definition appears to be an abandonment of the relationship—apparently a significant loss.  But, you have had enough experience, and those with you have had enough experience, and those with you have had enough experience of you being out from our relationship that they know they have felt truly embraced, truly touched, and truly related to.  In addition to that, the relationship has always been healing, enlightening, and transformational—something that has never happened from within the framework of the special relationship.
So, you may know that you will not become meaningless.  You will not lose the ability to relate with others in your world, or with your world, if you dare to relate to it from within our relationship, our moment-by-moment conscious experience of unity, togetherness, oneness.
Now, do not think that this union, this “marriage,” if you will, of you and me, will be the permanent state of affairs, because as I indicated earlier in these conversations, this union with me, even though it states an eternal fact—in other words, the union will eternally exist as a conscious experience—its function at this point is to facilitate your regaining Consciousness Here where we actually Are, in full possession of your conscious experience of Who You Are.
Right now, you, apparently more ignorant than me, are joining with me.  It can certainly appear to be a relationship of dependency.  But, in fact, it is the means of getting you to have your attention Here where I am, which is Here where you really Are.  As a result of the consistent placement of your awareness where you really Are, even though I am the focal point for this exercise, you will wake up.  You will, as they say, come to your senses, spiritual senses—the full comprehension of You.  Not less intelligent, not more ignorant than me, but like me!
Whether one joins with his Guide, or the Holy Spirit, or the Father—forever neglecting to identify with and energize a special relationship—the end result is certain.
Awakening!  Regaining Consciousness!  Graduation!

2 Responses to GRADUATION: THE END OF ILLUSIONS

  1. Thank you, came at divine timing. I appreciate your journey thus far.

  2. Jenna Cole says:

    Thank you, Raj & Paul!! I’m so intrigued as to what happened after this? What did Paul experience next, after crossing the threshold? I ask Raj to lead me to this experience as well ❤ much love & gratitude!!! This has been such a blessing and provided me with such comfort and validation/confirmation. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

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